Space Invader! Was I unreasonable and over reacting?

[LittlePeaPod]

Just really irritated and I understand that I probably may have been unreasonable and maybe I did over react. So please tell me if I was.

Currently 38+3 with our first. I am fed up, irritable, tired and just want our DD here. I normally go to the same connivance supermarket chain (one of the small shops) mid week if we need anything.

The last four/five times I have been, one of the female employees has taken it upon herself to rub my tummy whilst saying "ohhhh you are nearly there love". . She comes from nowhere so every single time its been totally unexpected. Well, I snapped this time and in front of everyone by the tiles (t was busy) said "will you stop touching me. I am not public property and to be frank I am sick to the back teeth of you touching me every time I come here. Are you normally this much of a space invader. It's rude". She went bright red and wondered off looking very embarrassed.

Was I unreasonable embarrassing her in front of so many people? I wonder if everyone that saw thought I was over reacting and a bit irrational.

I know a bloke who will do loads of touches on shoulder/arm/hand etc when he knows the woman doesn't like it. He enjoys seeing people uncomfortable so he keeps up with the 'friendly' touching that no-one could possibly object to, right? It's just touching the arm, it's a bit precious to object to that, right? Besides, it's just his way and he's been doing it for years so there's not harm in it - it being him touching people that don't like being touched to enjoy seeing them uncomfortable.

He has a court order keeping him away from his kids as well.

lisa has this guy told you he knows that people don't like it?

If so, he is an arsehole of the highest order and clearly has problems.

What has the court order and his kids got to do with it though?

DamnBamboo - I've never asked, just watched the satisfied smirk on his face as another victim squirms away. I've called him on it with others once or twice and he doesn't try it on me. I don't know about problems. There's lots of other stuff that has him getting his happy time from people being uncomfortable/exposed. He says he doesn't always get it. He always has that smirk though.

I don't know the details of the order, I was using it as an illustration that this is probably someone who sees boundaries as a target.

What a horrible creep!

Have some of the harsher posters missed the fact that the OP is heavily pregnant and due to give birth any day now (38-42 weeks being full term)? If anyone can be forgiven for being a bit snappy, surely it's a heavily p/g woman.

Think the fact that she is pregnant has been duly noted by all posters, it's the rudeness and the fact that she has posted in AIBU when she clearly doesn't think she is, that has likely precipitated these 'harsher posts'

Most of us on here have been heavily pg, and most of us have said we wouldn't have behaved that way, or still remain unapologetic afterwards if we did.

I didn't particularly like my pregnant tummy being touched by strangers.
But I think it would have been more unsettling had I not been pregnant.

No, I don't think anyone's missed the point that the op was pregnant.

Yes, some of the responses have been a bit harsh.

But in answer to the op. yes. I think you were unreasonable to have spoken to the woman like that.
But we can all be unreasonable at times.

Dame I really think you are the only one that has missed the posts were I have said there are two things that I was unreasonable on. Either you missed them or choose to ignore them. You however want me to apologise to a women with no sense of respecting other peoples personal space and that thinks its ok to touch strangers up. It's strange and I won't be apologising so going on about it is going round in circles. I do totally accept that you think I am completely unreasonable.

Lisa that guy sounds down right awful. What's wrong with these people

Thank you to those that understand where I am coming from. I do think I should not have been so harsh. Initially when I posted I was very unsure about how unreasonable or not I was been but following this thread I am actually glad I said something. I just wish I had said something the first time. I do think people that invade other people's space should learn more self awareness, control and understand that its not on regardless of whether or not their intentions are friendly.

Some people don't care about been touched, that's great. Some people are bothered but suck it up, that's their choice. I don't like it and she had previous opportunities to see from my body language that the attention was unwanted. Having considered it, the fact she didn't pick up on it is not my problem. I am just glad that she won't be touching me any longer and will hopefully consider her actions when considering rubbing up other pregnant women.

Thank you to everyone (for, against and a bit of both) that has contributed to the debate. Regardless of whether or not I take people's prospectives on board and follow through with their advice I do genuinely want/like to hear other people's points of view. Well, with the exception of the person who thought this incident is a reflection of my future parenting skills and maturity. Weird and MN arm chair phycological gone bonkers!

Thanks again to everyone that has contributed. Merry Christmas all...

No little, I don't want you to apologise (I don't actually care about this whole thing although I am enjoying my rare mumsnet marathon). I clearly said that in an earlier post that you should not apologise.

Happy Christmas to you and good luck with the birth x

Thank you, 8 days and counting......

My sister's stepdaughter lives in New York City. She had a simple rule while expecting:if I would let you hold the baby, you may touch my tummy.
At the other extreme, my father was afraid to touch my mother's bump. He thought he would "break the baby." Mother reassured him, and he was surprised at the in womb acrobatics of my sibs and me.

Quick update for everyone. I have just been into said shop where I snapped. The woman that has been behaving like a "space invader" was working and approached me. She went onto apologise for touching my bump without asking permission. She also said she was really surprised and embarrassed when she realised what she had done because she "hated it" (her words not mine) when people touched her bumps when she was pregnant. I explained that I didn't mean to embarrass her in front of other shoppers and I just dont feel comfortable with people touching my bump. She said that totally understood why I reacted like I did and didnt blame me. Apparently some of her colleagues that knew about what happened also agreed she should not have done it.

So alls well that ends well.

Well, she appears to be the more mature one of the pair of you. At least you didn't embarrass her further.

Well she appears to understand her behaviour was inappropriate so complete respect to her for reigning it and apologising.

Recognising. Grr predictive text!

Regardless of your pregnancy the woman was very unreasonable - I loathe anyone touching me so I would probably have reacted the same way as you did. So no, you are not being remotely unreasonable, she should not have done that in the first place.

i don't blame you. i'd've snapped too.

YWNBU I hated people touching me but was too shy to tell them. She shouldn't have touched you and so you have nothing to apologise for. If she hadn't touched youthen you wouldn't have got cross.