Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Space Invader! Was I unreasonable and over reacting?

294 replies

LittlePeaPod · 22/12/2013 11:53

Just really irritated and I understand that I probably may have been unreasonable and maybe I did over react. So please tell me if I was.

Currently 38+3 with our first. I am fed up, irritable, tired and just want our DD here. I normally go to the same connivance supermarket chain (one of the small shops) mid week if we need anything.

The last four/five times I have been, one of the female employees has taken it upon herself to rub my tummy whilst saying "ohhhh you are nearly there love". Angry. She comes from nowhere so every single time its been totally unexpected. Well, I snapped this time and in front of everyone by the tiles (t was busy) said "will you stop touching me. I am not public property and to be frank I am sick to the back teeth of you touching me every time I come here. Are you normally this much of a space invader. It's rude". She went bright red and wondered off looking very embarrassed.

Was I unreasonable embarrassing her in front of so many people? I wonder if everyone that saw thought I was over reacting and a bit irrational.

OP posts:
WoTmania · 22/12/2013 19:06

YWNBU - it's annoying and rude, you're heavily pregnant and ratty. She should have kept her hands to herself.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 22/12/2013 19:08

You asked if you were BU. Some said yes, some said no. Not one person has said it was ok to touch you without permission but you have somehow extrapolated that the "YABUers" are 'bump fondlers'? Strange logic! Wink

TidyDancer · 22/12/2013 19:09

Firstly, she didn't grab, even the OP admits she rubbed her tummy.

She should've asked first, yes, but I don't think anyone on this thread has actually defended the lady's actions. The question really was whether the OP's reaction was in proportion given the circumstances, which it most certainly was not. Even the OP suspected so in the first post.

There are certain ways to handle situations where someone does something that makes you uncomfortable, and generally being rude is not a good one.

JoanRanger · 22/12/2013 19:12

What Ralph said. Not sure why it's the responsibility of the gropee to make the groper realise they're doing something unacceptable.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 22/12/2013 19:13

You were very unreasonable, and rude in the way you dealt with the situation.

That sums it up well enough.

RalphRecklessCardew · 22/12/2013 19:14

You'd have to be pretty dim not to notice, and, again, as the grabber/rubber/groper/fondler it is your responsibility to notice.

JaquelineHyde · 22/12/2013 19:15

What I don't get is why you have started a thread asking if yabu if you clearly think you aren't and actually sound quite proud of what you have done.

Maybe a chat thread crowing about your behaviour would have been more appropriate.

Personally I refuse to believe you could have possibly have been as rude as you have made it sound. If you had been I'm sure you would know that you were clearly BVU.

And for future reference being 38 weeks pregnant does not give you the right to be rude and aggressive. Just imagine you could have another 3 weeks and 4 days at least before you give birth...Merry Christmas.

Original poster
LittlePeaPod · 22/12/2013 19:16

candy I didn't say that. I was commenting on a previous posters post. Although I do wonder if anyone on the thread has touched someone's bump without their consent. Personally I have never done that (family, friend or stranger). It's never crossed my mind in the same way I wouldn't consider touching a none pregnant persons tummy. It's really strange behaviour.

Dame on previous occasions I did look at her in a clearly shocked way and once actually jumped back because I didn't see her coming and it startled me. So she is either thick skinned or not good at taking the hint. I certainly didn't smile and in any way make her think I was ok with it.

OP posts:
RalphRecklessCardew · 22/12/2013 19:17

Meh. FWIW I'm grateful to you for standing up to her.

KenAdams · 22/12/2013 19:17

I was miserable when I was that far gone. Not saying YWNBU, but I can understand why you did it.

DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 19:18

I agree ralph you would have to pretty dim and I conclude that when it comes to bumps, many people are.

The reality of it, is that whilst nobody should be touching you in way that you don't like, they won't actually know that you don't like it unless you actually tell them you and whilst many women don't like it, many don't mind. Yes it's their responsibility to notice, but if they don't - what else can you do?

And assuming they are generally trying to be nice, a firm 'please don't do that' will usually suffice.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 22/12/2013 19:18

It is strange behaviour. I don't think I've ever rubbed anyone else's tummy; pregnant or otherwise!

DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 19:20

Dame on previous occasions I did look at her in a clearly shocked way and once actually jumped back because I didn't see her coming and it startled me. So she is either thick skinned or not good at taking the hint. I certainly didn't smile and in any way make her think I was ok with it

I presume this is for me? Smile.
Your post here illustrates that she is indeed rather thick skinned so unfortunately this particular person, did need telling.

I suppose you could also have, on the other occasions actually gone up to her after the fact (after she walked away) and said 'please don't do that, I don't like it and it makes me feel uncomfortable'

FWIW, I hated my bump being touched, hated it. I told my mother to stop doing it too - really didn't like it at all.

But most people don't mean to harm and whilst you don't have to accept their touching, I think it's just worth while remember they are probably trying to be nice (in an irritating touchy way)

DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 19:22

Again, I don't think YABU for telling her, but it does sound as though you were a bit harsh. Have you any reason to believe that this level of wrath was required in order to prevent her doing it in future?

Original poster
LittlePeaPod · 22/12/2013 19:23

Damn yes it was. I definitely should have said something sooner.

OP posts:
RalphRecklessCardew · 22/12/2013 19:24

Interesting thread. I'd put bump-fondling only a smidgen above bottom-pinching - it's quite astonishingly rude and should be firmly squashed. Coming from that perspective the attacks the OP is getting seem weird - you wouldn't excuse a bottom-pincher because they might have meant well, or think that because the bottom's owner hadn't complained the first time she had no right to complain again, or worry about the pincher's hurt feelings.

DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 19:25

Well live and learn eh?

I think the most important thing to take away is that she was in her own odd way trying to be nice, which in itself is actually rather nice if you think about it. People interested in your lovely new baby... Smile

Unfortunately, she has gone about it the wrong way.

Original poster
LittlePeaPod · 22/12/2013 19:26

Damn like I said earlier, didn't go in their thinking I was going to be harsh. I didn't premeditated my response. She did what she has done before and this time it just took me over the edge. I had enough and snapped at her. I have already said a number of times that on reflection I shouldn't have been as harsh.

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 19:27

No ralph you wouldn't excuse a bottom-pincher and nobody here is excusing this woman either. Although I think it's a bit much comparing pinching someone's arse to someone else showing an interest in your baby.

A rather silly comparison.

DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 19:28

Well there you are little you acknowledge you shouldn't have been as harsh, thus meaning it was an over-reaction so am just wondering why this thread is still going.

Nobody says you have to tolerate being touched...

RalphRecklessCardew · 22/12/2013 19:28

Damn,

It's not quite the same, agreed, but there's a shared ickiness about thinking that fertile female bodies are public property, no?

YouStayClassySanDiego · 22/12/2013 19:31

You shouldn't equate bottom pinching [ are you suggesting a man doing this:] with a woman trying to be sympathetic [ albeit awkward and not welcome].

This wasn't sexual harrassment,

DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 19:31

Yes, I do agree that there is an ickiness associated with this whilst I am also a massive hater of bump-touching, I never saw it as anything beyond someone being interested in my impending arrival.

Original poster
LittlePeaPod · 22/12/2013 19:33

Damn I don't know. I acknowledged that a while ago.

Ralph you really do get where I am coming from. Thanks.

OP posts:
sykadelic15 · 22/12/2013 19:34

She should not have been touched - everyone agrees with this.

I think when the OP first posted she felt it was perhaps rude of her and then the more she thought about it the more she realised why she was justified in being a bit abrupt.

Again she said "will you stop touching me. I am not public property and to be frank I am sick to the back teeth of you touching me every time I come here. Are you normally this much of a space invader. It's rude." She didn't swear at her. She did scream at her. She didn't yell at her before she touched her. She reacted to being assaulted.

Assault is offensive contact. The OP felt it was offensive, it's assault... though the likelihood of anyone charging her with assault is slim because, just like so many posters here seem to think, apparently touching a pregnant woman is not a serious enough offense. I just can't believe the excuse "well you didn't say 'no' the other times" is being bandied about here. Since when is lack of consent considered consent? Yes the manner in which she reacted was abrupt but it wasn't particularly rude.

The OP said had the woman said anything resembling a muttered apology the OP probably would have apologised as well. She didn't so the OP didn't.

Personally I would go back to the store and speak to a manager. I would explain that you hadn't meant to embarrass his employee but that you wanted to make sure he would talk to her about touching people she doesn't know unless expressly invited to do so. Consider this a training exercise. It's obvious from other posters responses that she may just consider you as rude and not change her behaviour leading to distress for other women/people.

And for the record - it's not easy to react quickly for everyone, and especially in the OP's case where she said the woman disappeared rather quickly. What was she supposed to do? Chase her down to tell her she didn't appreciate it?