Space Invader! Was I unreasonable and over reacting?

[LittlePeaPod]

Just really irritated and I understand that I probably may have been unreasonable and maybe I did over react. So please tell me if I was.

Currently 38+3 with our first. I am fed up, irritable, tired and just want our DD here. I normally go to the same connivance supermarket chain (one of the small shops) mid week if we need anything.

The last four/five times I have been, one of the female employees has taken it upon herself to rub my tummy whilst saying "ohhhh you are nearly there love". . She comes from nowhere so every single time its been totally unexpected. Well, I snapped this time and in front of everyone by the tiles (t was busy) said "will you stop touching me. I am not public property and to be frank I am sick to the back teeth of you touching me every time I come here. Are you normally this much of a space invader. It's rude". She went bright red and wondered off looking very embarrassed.

Was I unreasonable embarrassing her in front of so many people? I wonder if everyone that saw thought I was over reacting and a bit irrational.

You'll "try" to be less aggressive if it happens again? Sorry, I don't think that's good enough. The way you spoke to that woman was disgusting. I agree that it was crossing a boundary to touch your bump, but it certainly wasn't malicious, and her continued behaviour was based on your not telling her to stop. On the other hand, the way you reacted was just plain nasty. You should be heading back to that shop to apologise to her.

The problem with asking RL friends' opinions is that they tend to tell you what you want to hear.

Did you really not have that as a ready response in your head? Was it really off the cuff?
Not sure if I begrudgingly admire that quick response ability or ensure I never meet you.

How can you overreact to someone touching you when you don't want them too? Some people seem more concerned with the gropers feelings than the poor OP who is the one being invaded.

OP I would not give it a 2nd thought, if she is offended maybe she will stop molesting strangers. Her actions are at fault not your reaction.

I remember the pregnancy rage all too well. Last couple of weeks I was dreadful and would blow everything out of proportion. Was worst with my 3rd child as I was working and and two other kids to deal with. I'm thoroughly embarrassed at how precious and snappy I became and normal service was resumed after baby was born.

Good lord op I hope you raise your child with better manners than you hold yourself.

'Groping' 'molesting' ffs

See even with the over emotive language, the OP still comes across as really quite nasty in the way she reacted.

I don't think you were particularly rude in comparison to the shop assistant repeatedly pawing you without being intimately connected to you.

Personally, I'd have probably yelled 'Will you feck off and stop touching me' following the first prod.

I've also had old ladies touching my DS when he was a baby. Bloody annoying!

You're not a fluffy cat looking to be stroked by any passing stranger for gods sake.

Of course I will take my RL friends position much more seriously than I will online posters. They are real life people that know me and how I approach things normally so can put things into perspective much better than MNers. I can also assure people none of my friends are wall flowers and we all tend to say what we think. No one would just say what they think you want to hear. Why would they do that?

One thing I have learnt from this is next time I will tell them first time round. That also includes well meaning strangers that touch my baby.

Thank you for the supportive posts and AnitaManeater yes I can see that irrational anger. 9 days and counting, here's looking forward to normal service resuming well after baby blues, sleep deprivation and everything that comes with a new born that is.

And in other news...

Society has become so distant and unfriendly

Foreign folk are so much friendlier and just love other people's kids doncha know.

Damned if they do and damned if they don't.

They are real life people that know me and how I approach things normally so can put things into perspective much better than MNers.

MNetters will call a cunt a cunt. Not everyone in RL will do that.

I think we have a tendency at times to smile and nod with RL people...especially when that person is close to you and you've kind of grown used to their ways and behaviour.

Even if you had said something the first time your reaction was extreme. Will you stop touching me and then not continuing to rant would have been miles better. Was it really necessary to go on and on and on calling her a space invader and all sorts?

Harry I believe you will see that I have acknowledged on a few occassins already that I should not have reacted so harshly.

Yes I saw that, usually followed immediately by a BUT if she hadn't touched me then this wouldn't have happened or and yes I agree I was aggressive BUT I'm not going to apologise for being so aggressive and I will TRY not to react so harshly in the future

It doesn't come across that you really think you were in the wrong at all.

Currently 38+3 with our first. I am fed up, irritable, tired...

I'm currently 39 + 4 with second. I feel the same way but I have to say that was properly rude.

I have been a bit snappy lately too but at the same time have the grace to recognise when you've been too much and apologise - not for what you were trying to say but for how it came out.

The way you are going on about how forthright you were- forthright would have been to tell her after the first time that you don't want to be touched. It was not forthright to behave in such a horrible way to her after saying nowt so many times before.
Of course no one likes people pouncing and rubbing them but if you felt so strongly about it why on earth wait so long that it blew up into a tirade to be unleashed? Aren't you a grown up?
And of course your friends will agree with you to your face, but I'd love to have been a fly on the wall when you went to the loo! So much eye rolling I'll bet.
I think this thread was started as you were confident that everyone was going to agree with you. Now that you can see that practically everyone thinks that you were hideously unreasonable in your reaction you are trying very hard to justify yourself.
You say you won't apologise for being so aggressive, that's probably a good thing. If that poor woman saw you approach her she would probably be quaking!

It's one of those irregular verbs isnt it?
I was forthright
she was aggressive
they were pig ignorant

And nobody, nobody, has said that the woman had any right to touch the op.
just that silence straight to screaming was unreasonable.
Which it was.

and of course the op is going to choose to accept as truth the views of those who claim to agree with her. Who wouldnt?
But that is what rl friends do. They tell you what you want to hear. Particularly if you're heavily pregnant, hormonal and have already ripped one person's head off

I hate it when people on MN are determined to read "special needs" into secondhand accounts of unknown strangers, but I will admit that this has crossed my mind. It seems odd, almost compulsive behaviour, swooping out of nowhere like that. I hope it's not the case, but the thought of somebody who is obviously fascinated by your condition and perhaps with an impaired understanding of social boundaries being so publicly upbraided makes me feel quite sad. Nobody should touch you without your permission, but your reaction was way overboard.

That said, I hope you get to meet your Christmas baby very soon- good luck!

Oppos ignore above we have already covered that..

Harry I do actually think how I reacted was harsh. But I don't think telling her was unreasonable. How I did it was unreasonable. So I won't apologise for telling her and yes if she had kept her hands to herself it wouldn't have happened. That's true. But that doesn't mean I don't acknowledge that how I went about telling her was unreasonable. I do recognise that it was. I shouldn't have snapped at her.

Tears. I didn't actually start a thread on AIBU expecting everyone to agree with me. That would be unrealistic with so many people on here with different views. This is AIBU after all, so people will say exactly what they think. I can also assure you that my friends say it as it is. An example is that a couple of them hugely disagree with my choice to have an ELCS and they have told me straight out. We have had huge debates about it. We don't do gossip and eye rolling behind each others backs.

HECTI didn't scream at her. Not sure where the fact I screamed at her has come from. Simply told her in an even tone. I wasn't shouting and ranting...

Yet another aibu where the op doesn't really want a truthfull answer.
Ofcourse your friends are going to side with you! People on here will give you the truth which they have done.
You were rude and aggressive.

I think it was totally clear from Worra's post that she meant you'll get a lot of unwanted attention when your baby arrives and you'll have to find a better way of dealing with it. Which I completely agree with - you've come across very badly on this thread. Not just in your original post, but also in the way you've refused to admit you were wrong to speak to someone like that.

Your post about your RL friends taking your side, so you've decided you weren't unreasonable, made me laugh a lot. You were. Unless you told them something different to what you've put on here, you were completely out of order.

But I did snap... You can snap without shouting and ranting...

Meh, I used to slap the hands that dared to touch me. Arrogant fucks who think it's fine to maul a woman (and usually a stranger at that !!!) simply because she's pregnant. First time was a small slap, second offences received a hard slap and an almighty glare. Never was a third offence....

Thing is, and this goes for all unsolicited touching, it isn't easy to say 'please don't do that' the first time. If you think it is likely to be a one-off rather than a constant thing, often the best thing is to brush it off rather than mentioning it. Then by the second time, it's starting to feel pretty mortifying, but because you didn't resist the first time and the person doing the touching can't read signals such as backing away it gets harder to say something. And in my loooooooong experience of all sorts of unwanted contact from a colleague, saying 'please don't do that' politely ('please don't touch my bum. 'please don't touch my boobs' 'I don't care that you're gay, you still can't touch my boobs' 'please don't poke me in the stomach' 'please don't poke me in the stomach in the corridor at work 'Yes I did hug her once that doesn't mean I want it from you every day' rinse and repeat for YEARS) doesn't get taken seriously in many cases, and starts to lose its impact if you have to repeat it every day, and if there is one day you don't have the energy to go over it again it gets taken as an open invitation to ramp things up... snapping is pretty inevitable at times. If you're lucky they won't try to hug you on the grounds that you're stressed. Believe me, if I had been overflowing with preggers hormones during that job the person in question would have been lying on the ground. So no, OP isn't B that U.