Space Invader! Was I unreasonable and over reacting?

[LittlePeaPod]

Just really irritated and I understand that I probably may have been unreasonable and maybe I did over react. So please tell me if I was.

Currently 38+3 with our first. I am fed up, irritable, tired and just want our DD here. I normally go to the same connivance supermarket chain (one of the small shops) mid week if we need anything.

The last four/five times I have been, one of the female employees has taken it upon herself to rub my tummy whilst saying "ohhhh you are nearly there love". . She comes from nowhere so every single time its been totally unexpected. Well, I snapped this time and in front of everyone by the tiles (t was busy) said "will you stop touching me. I am not public property and to be frank I am sick to the back teeth of you touching me every time I come here. Are you normally this much of a space invader. It's rude". She went bright red and wondered off looking very embarrassed.

Was I unreasonable embarrassing her in front of so many people? I wonder if everyone that saw thought I was over reacting and a bit irrational.

Little I think most of us, 'get' where you are coming from! You've even said you were harsh, ergo, in my view unreasonable. Call it what you like.

Did you notice where ralph just said it's not quite the same as bottom-pinching - how does s/he get it more than anyone else on here?

Thing is, quite a lot of blokes in the '70s would have described bottom-pinching as 'just a bit of fun' or 'being friendly. Some (most?) might even have thought that. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that intentions aren't the be all and end all in determining whether behaviour is acceptable. The bump-rubber might well have just been trying to be nice. That doesn't make it ok.

Ywnbu. My MIL used to do this despite being told more than once that I didn't like it.

I suspect you politely ignored it then she caught you on a bad day, I rarely say anything to people and tend to seethe in silence but some nobend pissed me off this weekend and I did snap at him, very unlike me but some times people can do the wrong thing on the wrong day.

You could seek her out, say 'sorry I snapped at you, I was feeling very pregnant and irritable. I should have said something earlier, as I don't like my stomach being touched. I apologise.'

Sorted.

Yup, some still do! And no, just because someone might have been trying to be nice, it doesn't make it ok. But surely, that's a consideration.

Perhaps someone should start a petition so that bump-touching becomes harassment, automatically.
Although I really think that bottom-touching is very far-removed from this as the it would generally be considered as a sexually motivated harassment whereas the former wouldn't

YWNBU

You took it for long enough and had had enough. She should look embarrassed.

I have only ever touched one person on her pregnant tummy and after I thought WTF was I doing and never did it again. I hated anyone but DH touching mine and wasn't much happy about a midwife doing so but I knew they had too.

Damn,

Yes, you're right, I shouldn't have linked the two so closely. Still think the repeat bump-fondler owes the OP an apology, not the other way round though.

I would hate people touching me. However, I guess people are trying to be nice and friendly when they do this.

Littlepeapod is there a way you can go and apologise to her? Clearly the incident is on your mind and you shop there regularly. Might help to clear the air a bit? I know I would hate the idea of embarrassing someone and guess you do too...

The OP has said the woman rubbed her tummy

Other posters have turned this into...'grabbing', 'groping', 'molesting' and 'fondling'.

Only on MN....

Agree Ralph if I had offended someone, then I would apologise with genuine remorse for upsetting them - no question. It could happen?

FFS the OP didn't "let" this woman touch her. She was too shocked to do anything about it until this time. I just do not understand anyone thinking it is okay to touch another person without asking first or it being between lovers.

I don't think anybody thinks it is ok toffee

I suspect you politely ignored it then she caught you on a bad day

Exactly and 4 hours of on and off false labour starting at 2am does not put me in the mood to humour people. So she probably did catch me on the wrong day. However, I am glad that its unlikely she will do it to me again because I really don't like it.

I can't remember who mentioned it but yes I do shop there regularly and no I won't be apologising. She should not have touched me. The more I think about it the more I am glad I said something. I do think that it would have been better not to have been so harsh though.

How would touching someone on the arm in an attempt to offer support be perceived? (I did this the other day to someone who was crying) I did not ask first, it was just a natural instinct to want to make her feel better? Would that have been seen as assault, groping etc? How about if you touch someone on the back of their shoulder to get their attention if they are blocking the way? I realise that it may not be in the same league as bump rubbing but I am trying to understand how touching another human being in a non-aggressive way could be considered assault??

I agree Stanley and I think toffee's view of the world in terms of her post at 19:50 is most bizarre.

Don't forget 'assaulting', Worra.

YANBU. I hate people touching me unless I know them well. I would have been disturbed by this as well (however I would have complained about this person's inappropriate behaviour earlier this is just a weird way to behave in a retail environment and also the 'coming out of nowhere' what does she do, watch the CCTV for random people to stroke?!)

From my own experience I know you can't easily stop tactile people doing this sort of stuff but that doesn't mean you have to put up with it if you don't like it, especially when you are the customer.

For fuck's sake - OP, nobody has said you were unreasonable to say something, nobody. Not one person. Not one.

Nobody has said you were unreasonable for saying something. Nobody. Ok?

You asked if you were unreasonable to say what you did, and to humiliate her in front of a group of people.

You were unreasonable for humiliating her and saying what you did. It was unnecessarily cruel and embarrassing for her.

You were unreasonable to say what you did. You should apologise, because that's a decent way to behave.

Surely the key thing is whether the person dislikes it, not whether it somehow counts as 'assault'? If you know and like someone, why would you want to make them uncomfortable? If you want someone to continue shopping in your shop, ditto. Touching someone on the arm or the shoulder is about as neutral as you can get (although there are certainly settings/cultures where that is not okay, especially if the person is of the opposite gender). Rubbing on the tummy is a bit more intimate.

You can generally tell from body language/rigidity if you've overstepped the mark, but some people don't care.

What, DamnBamboo?

I don't think you should apologise - the employee behaved in the odd way, not you. She is lucky you didn't complain about her to management on the previous four occasions.

I just do not understand anyone thinking it is okay to touch another person without asking first or it being between lovers.

^

This toffee

Which I presume is why stanley posted what she did, and to which I agreed.

I thought it was obvious I was talking about personal areas or sensitive, such as a pregnant tummy. Not an arm for example.

OP, you are going to be one of 'those' mothers .

Offended over everything.

I can imagine you tutting loudly .

TheMaw you have said all that before and I have responded so you already know my answer and therefore no point repeating it. However I will repeat this, I will not be apologising.