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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Football clashes with DD's dance show- DH wont look after our son

163 replies

peppajay · 20/12/2013 11:14

AIBU to expect my DH to miss two football games to look after our son?? My DD is in a dance show in Feb half term, she has two rehersals the two Saturdays before, one is ok as there is no football but the first one and the one of the show he is at football and he wont miss it. I have no one else to look after him as my parents aren't local and my friends who I would usually ask have children in the show so they aren't available. It looks like at the moment I will have to pull her out of the show as I have no cover for my son. My DH has a season ticket and it was a lot of money but we compromised and he goes to the home games but not the away games otherwise he would never be home on a Saturday. He is very organized and has all the dates written up so I know when he is free and I admit when I said yes to the show I didn't actually think about cover for my son. I just think its a bit unfair that she has to miss out, I haven't said anything to her yet as I am hoping maybe nearer the time he will change his mind but I don't actualy know if he will and I have said he has to explain why she has to miss it but he doesn't seem bothered and said that she will realize that he cant miss football and that it was my fault for not checking the dates in the first place!!

OP posts:

saintlyjimjams · 20/12/2013 11:16

You husband sounds an idiot.

Can you not take your son along to the rehearsals/show. They usually have little siblings in attendance.

Sirzy · 20/12/2013 11:17

How is is your son?

Can he not go with his dad to the football? Or go to play with a friend that day? Can another parent not look after your DD at the rehersal?

Given the cost of season tickets I can see why he doesn't want to miss, but at the same time I can see why you are miffed.

PrimalLass · 20/12/2013 11:17

Why can't you take him with you?

BerryChristmas · 20/12/2013 11:17

What a selfish arse he is! Surely you/he could find a babysitter by Feb?

IMO women get married but most men stay single til they die

YouTheCat · 20/12/2013 11:19

Tell him if he wants to go to football and upset his dd then he has to find suitable childcare for your ds.

He sounds like an insufferable wanker.

80sdrummer · 20/12/2013 11:19

" he doesn't seem bothered and said that she will realize that he cant miss football " - I don't use the word often, but what an utter cunt your husband is.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 20/12/2013 11:19

Ill agree that he's an idiot. He would really have his daughter miss out on something she enjoys to do something he enjoys? Selfish man

FlatFacedArmy · 20/12/2013 11:20

Given the cost of season tickets, I'd book a babysitter for the couple of hours it will take. Ask at nursery/CMs, they may have some staff who would be well qualified and willing to have a bit of extra cash in hand.

Since he booked the time well in advance I think it's up to you to make arrangements.

OTOH if DS is old enough could he be bribed to sit still with a comic and a packet of sweets?

leftkidney · 20/12/2013 11:24

It would be one thing if he was actually playing football for a team and didn't want to let them down, but just to watch a bunch of rich blokes play while he sits in the cold? I can never understand how some people get so caught up in watching other people they have no connection to participate in sport whilst they sit watching.

n.b I do actually like football but recognise that real life is more important.

KateAdiesEarrings · 20/12/2013 11:25

YANBU but your 'dh' is. He should look after your ds. Yes, the season ticket was expensive but missing 2 games will not massively impact on the cost per game over an entire season.

If he cannot be convinced he is BU then could you suggest he goes to 2 away games at a different time to compensate? Then he'll have attended the same number of games, watched your ds and your dd can take part in her show.

ImAlpharius · 20/12/2013 11:28

Does he not want to see his daughter perform (which will mean something to someone he actually loves) more than people performing on a pitch (who he doesn't know and never will).

Original poster

peppajay · 20/12/2013 11:29

He is 4. I could probably could take him to the show as it is over and done with within a couple of hours but the rehersal goes on for hours and to be fair my DH has said if I take him with me when the football is over he will come and collect him. Last year rehersal started at 1 and finished at 6!!!! My DD has 6 costume changes so is basically pretty full on. I can't really ask a friend to have her backstage as they all have more than 1 child in it and one is looking after her niece as well. There is a friend I could ask to have him for the afternoon but she is pregnant and due mid feb so a big ask. I do have time after xmas to ask around and see if I can find anyone to have him but would be so much easier if hubby would relent and just look after him!!!

OP posts:

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 20/12/2013 11:30

What a selfish twunt and crap dad your H is. It wouldn't kill him to put his child first. I feel sorry for your children when they grow up and realise that they're not as important to their dad as he himself is.

plummyjam · 20/12/2013 11:31

I actually think yabu. Your dh is only going to home games (?12 per season) and was organised enough to put them on the calendar. Presumably not all of them are on Saturdays either? I think you should have checked first before agreeing to let DD go to rehearsals for the show.

Could you take DS with you to rehearsals? Of course your DH could suck it up and not go to the games but I do think that would be unfair on him given he's been organised, planned it in advance and given you fair warning.

DowntonTrout · 20/12/2013 11:32

Why can't your DS go to the football with his dad?

thebodytalks · 20/12/2013 11:33

You will cope of course mums do but what a selfish arse your dh sounds.

DIYapprentice · 20/12/2013 11:34

Why can't you use paid childcare? This is something that your DH is passionate about, you knew about the dates, you now have a clash. There IS a way around it, get someone to look after the 4 year old at your house!

YouTheCat · 20/12/2013 11:34

More like 20 per season, so more than a third of his weekends are taken up with football.

I bet OP doesn't get a similar amount of time to herself at weekends either.

attheendoftheday · 20/12/2013 11:39

Your dh really thinks he's more important than your dd, doesn't he? Of course she shouldn't have to miss out so he can go to a football game.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/12/2013 11:40

Ask your dh if he wants his daughter to know that she is less important to him than the football?

NoComet · 20/12/2013 11:43

You drop of DD and go to the supermarket cafe.
There are surely enough mum's with only DDs to help yours.

Else you simply tell DH he is having son that day and it isn't open for negotiation. (Bar swapping for an away match another day).

I'd plonk DS in his knee that morning and take DD out before he left for football,.

My DDs done dance shows, she absolutely loves them, he is an utter arse.

Unfortunately six is a bit small for plan B, which is to get DD to make him feel guilty. I have an older DD who explains the importance of gymnastics over something of DH's occasionally.

Original poster

peppajay · 20/12/2013 11:44

It works out about a game every other week during the football season not always Saturdays sometimes Tuesday evenings. We did discuss it a lot when he took over his great uncles season ticket - (until he took him to a game as he was getting old he wasn't really into football) and he does work all hard all week and I am a SAHM. I go out in the evening a lot with different groups of friends and to a book club one evening a month, he isn't particularly social and doesn't ever really want to go out with his friends he much prefers pottering at home so the arrangement generally works well. We then get a babysitter one sat a month and go out for a meal but the girl we have works all day Saturday hence why she cant have my son!! Is so difficult because yes I didn't check and I did just sort of forget about what happens to my son at rehersal time

OP posts:

purrtrillpadpadpad · 20/12/2013 11:49

But there us more than one person on this planet qualified to provide paid childcare for your son, surely?

livinginawinterwonderland · 20/12/2013 11:55

You have until February to find childcare. Yes, it would be nice if your DH looked after him, but he has plans already. It happens. Surely there's a teenager somewhere that would be happy to earn some extra money on a Saturday afternoon? An older sibling of someone else in the dance show, maybe? Or a neighbour?

NoComet · 20/12/2013 11:58

That's absolutely not the point
why should the OP find child care for HIS DS"

If he thinks football is more important than his DD having fun (and his DS not being dragged along and being miserable).

it's his job to sort it

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