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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have spent £110 on DGS1 (5) this Christmas and £16 on DGS2 (8 months)?

281 replies

Sneezecakesmum · 18/12/2013 16:29

Sounds horrendous but

DGS1 has cerebral palsy and has a special place in my heart.

DGS1 has had tons of toys from me and others still new as he simply can't manage to use them, plus more toys than normal as we've struggled to find something he can use. DGS2 lives in a virtual toy shop!

DGS2 will probably be happier with the boxes and paper! Xmas Grin

I'm just hoping my DD and DSIL will see this or will they think I have BU?

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 18/12/2013 17:50

The damage caused by favouritism lasts a lifetime.
Trust me :(

Original poster
Sneezecakesmum · 18/12/2013 17:50

Actually the house IS left to his parents to do as they think fit, but they will follow my wishes if the need remains the same.

You never know DGS 1 may turn into a Stephen hawking scientist and earn millions in which case they can let DGS 2 have the house Grin

OP posts:
allnewtaketwo · 18/12/2013 17:52

OP you previously said "I do save for the boys, and am leaving my house to the older one as he won't be able to work in the normal way. My children can sort themselves out"

You seem to be contradicting yourself Hmm

DustyBaubles · 18/12/2013 17:53

Yes, that's the spirit OP.

As long as the first born has no use for something, toss it to his brother.

IamInvisible · 18/12/2013 17:53

I know hobnobs. Sad
I'm 42 and haven't got over the favouritism shown to my siblings by my parents, now it's passed on to their kids. No matter how hard it is tried to be hidden it will be shown

Original poster
Sneezecakesmum · 18/12/2013 17:54

I caught DGS 1 looking very sadly at me as I fussed and cuddled the baby so I went and read him his favourite book. He can't tell me he feels left out but I could see he was. Please don't lecture me about favouritism. I love both children, but DGS 1 has been dealt a shitty hand so far in his first 5 years and if I can support him as much as I can I will.

DGS 2 is already going on play dates which didn't exist for DGS 1.

OP posts:
minipie · 18/12/2013 17:54

Actually the house IS left to his parents to do as they think fit, but they will follow my wishes if the need remains the same

Well why didn't you say so? Gah Smile

allnewtaketwo · 18/12/2013 17:56

So you're projecting your guilt about DGC1 v DGC2 by way of 'making up for it' to DGC1. Very common, but still toxic

SqueakyCleanLibertine · 18/12/2013 17:59

sneeze FWIW I think the presents thing is fine.

I think the fact you've left provisions for the family is great.

An going to finish my gammon, as life is too short :)

Original poster
Sneezecakesmum · 18/12/2013 17:59

As I've pointed out, this seems to be an excuse for some people to be vitriolic because of issues in their own childhood with parental favouritism and are projecting their own unhappiness on me.

Both my GSs are loved and adored.

My adult children have their own homes and relationships and are settled. They don't need my house, but of course I have left them my savings. DGS 2 is a baby and is not crawling about in rags thrown to him. Now you are just being silly!

OP posts:
attheendoftheendofmytether · 18/12/2013 18:00

ok would have no problem with disparity in the money spent. I wish the DC's grandparents would do the same but our 17 month old DC3 will receive an unbelievable amount of unnecessary stuff this year (only a token keepsake from us).

BUT I would have a huge huge issue with the 'special boy' nonsense and the idea now, at 8 months, that DC2 will sort himself out in life. Its not his fault his brother has had a very tough start in life.

Original poster
Sneezecakesmum · 18/12/2013 18:00

Squeaky thank you and enjoy your gammon Smile

OP posts:
DustyBaubles · 18/12/2013 18:00

I caught DGS 1 looking very sadly at me as I fussed and cuddled the baby so I went and read him his favourite book. He can't tell me he feels left out but I could see he was.

Your attitude is a disgrace OP, and you are too blinded by your warped perception of yourself as GS1's protector to see it.

By the sound of it, your elder grandson is quite well able to make you drop his brother with just a look, and you are encouraging his jealousy already.

You will be fostering his brother's resentment in equal measure. Or are you actually making this stuff up??

allnewtaketwo · 18/12/2013 18:01

"As I've pointed out, this seems to be an excuse for some people to be vitriolic because of issues in their own childhood with parental favouritism and are projecting their own unhappiness on me."

Nope, not in my case, am an only child. It's just common sense and compassion for the "less favoured" child

Original poster
Sneezecakesmum · 18/12/2013 18:01

Mini... It's what the solicitor advised Smile

OP posts:
allnewtaketwo · 18/12/2013 18:03

Then why did you say specifically up thread that you'd left your house to DGC2? Did you forget?

allnewtaketwo · 18/12/2013 18:03

DGC1

Original poster
Sneezecakesmum · 18/12/2013 18:03

Dusty. Have you seen a counsellor for you issues with childhood jealousy? You are projecting a lot of crazy stuff onto my actions, which are done with love and compassion.

OP posts:
TheMuppetsSingChristmas · 18/12/2013 18:03

Oh FFS, drip feed of the century! I'm out...

Phalenopsis · 18/12/2013 18:04

I caught DGS 1 looking very sadly at me as I fussed and cuddled the baby so I went and read him his favourite book

uh-oh. I see trouble ahead.

DustyBaubles · 18/12/2013 18:06

Yes OP, I'm the one with issues.

Indeedy.

Original poster
Sneezecakesmum · 18/12/2013 18:06

I have left my house to DD and her DH. My wishes are that the house goes to DGS 1 for his ongoing care.

Just to play devils advocate. If my DD sued the NHS for negligence over DGS 1s birth and received a sum similar to my house's value, would you insist this was split between the boys? It would be (like my house) for his ongoing care.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 18/12/2013 18:07

Yanbu regarding the Presents, however you could give the parents some gift vouchers of similar amount for dgs2 to spend as and when they need them. I understand where you are coming from, as you see dgs1 as more 'needy' and mabey he needs more input and will do in te future, whereas dgs2 does not have dsabi,itis and will oresumably lead a average life. However you must not make this known to dgs2 as he gets Oder and becomes more aware, you must treat both equally

allnewtaketwo · 18/12/2013 18:08

Then why did you previously say "....am leaving my house to the older one as he won't be able to work in the normal way"

Original poster
Sneezecakesmum · 18/12/2013 18:08

I'm not drip feeding. All the salient facts are in the OP. It's just people have latched on to the fact of the house! It seems to be a very sore point.

OP posts:
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