To think that visiting times on the postnatal ward are fine

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Disclaimer: I've been stuck at home with puking DC for a few days so have more time to think about trivial stuff than normal .

Visiting times on the postnatal ward at my local hospital are partners all day (something like 9am to 9pm) and everyone else 2:30pm-5:30pm, 2 visitors per bed. No children except siblings of the baby and they can only come at normal visiting times. Children weren't counted in the 2 visitors rule thankfully so DH could bring our 3 older DC at once.

In NICU/SCBU parents and siblings are welcome anytime. Grandparents and other close relatives (not sure how they define this) can come 2:30pm-5:30pm but only with parents permission (this rule came in quite handy when MIL wanted to visit DS4 the first time I was allowed to go down to NICU after only getting a quick glimpse of him when he was born).

I was at a toddler group last week and some of the new mums/pregnant mums were having a whinge about how strict the visiting times are. Bearing in mind that most healthy 2nd+ timers are discharged straight from delivery suite so most of the women on the postnatal ward were quite poorly or their babies were.

I was in for 3 days recovering from c-sec and TBH I only wanted DH and the DC's to visit (antisocial emoticon). Because DH was looking after the DC's and DS3 in particular doesn't really do sitting still then I only saw him and them for 15 mins or so every day. I survived and so did the lady in the next bed who was also on her 4th DC so in the same situation. These women at toddler group were moaning that their friends children weren't allowed in and their friends were only allowed in 2 at a time. The mums of newborns had only been in for about 12 hours too .

TBH after a few of the other women's visitors had been pointing at me and speculating in loud whispers why I didn't have any visitors and why I didn't have a cot beside me I could have been quite happy to have all visitors banned (told you I was antisocial!). One of the other women whose baby was in NICU got her DH to bring in a big "it's a boy" helium balloon to show everyone that she had had a baby after a few nosy people asked if she was still pregnant and was the antenatal ward full?

IMO although it doesn't suit everyone I think there must be restrictions on visitors so that there is relative peace and quiet for new mums to recover.

It's not really about new dads being abusive..it's just them being bloody annoying.

Exactly.

When you are tired and feeling vulnerable other people are bloody annoying, that is why adding more people in is a recipe for annoyance/arguuments/frustration.

When you stay on a childrens ward the noise at night from the parents staying over is frustrating, as is the open access visiting during the day for anyone - but on a childrens ward the overnight bit at least is very much needed, but it isn't needed on a postnatal ward.

How does the cleaners manage to clean when there are so many visitors in the day.

My DH staying overnight for the duration of my stay did cause some problems with other mothers whose partners weren't allowed to stay, but it was very necessary in my case and not just something I wanted

I don't think they do forty. The hospital I had dd1 in was filthy including dried blood on the floor. The same stains there the whole time I was in.

that is unacceptable, my boss would have me in the office and a serious warning if a ward i cleaned on was left like that.

I hoped you complained

Visiting hours at the hospital where I had dd are very similar to those in the op, and I thought they were plenty. However, a bit of leeway after the birth would have been nice in my case. I had dd by csection at 5.40pm and didn't get to the ward until about 7.30pm. Visitors had to leave at 8, so dh only really had time to set food, drink etc in easy reach for me and then he had to go. An extra hour for him with his baby (& me!) would have been nice. It's not like the other women were trying to sleep.

YANBU the lady in the bed next to me worked in the hospital and had work colleagues popping in to see her all day long. I begged to go home because I couldn't get any rest and DS was fretful and difficult to bf due to almost constant interruptions. As I had had a CS I had to stay put. She had had a CS as well so I was stuck with the situation.

I'd be uncomfortable on a postnatal ward with partner sleeping over in exactly the same way I'd be uncomfortable on a mixed-sex general ward.

Post-birth I'm tired, I'm sore, I'm emotional and I'm leaking various fluids from more places than I care to count. It's one thing the MW knowing about my piles or my weird shaped clot, my terrible trapped wind or the stitches in my poor bruised fanny and quite another thing for Mr Jones to be right beside the curtain hearing it all. Then there's getting dressed/changed behind the curtain, when the MW comes round she'll open it slightly and peek around, I don't want Mr Jones getting a glimpse of me in my kecks. I don't want Mr Jones overhearing me talk to the breast feeding support worker about my cracked nipples and I don't want him hearing the MW giving me information on contraception and sex post birth. Mrs Jones might do all of these things but she has to be there (and is probably going through a fair few of them herself) but I'd much rather Mr Jones fucked off home by 8pm, didn't come back until at least 8am and made himself scarce during the 12pm-2pm rest period too. Partners there 24/7 would have implications on patient dignity.

YABU.

Ds was born at 4 pm. At 5 DH rushed off to get ds1 because I'd been on the induction ward for days and days and I was desperate to see him. And for him to meet his new brother.

He got back to the hospital just after 6 and was made to leave at 8. The baby was 4 fucking hours old and he was made to go home.

I had ds1 at home, so was lucky that DH didn't have to go anywhere and I think having that experience made me feel really sad for ds2 (and me).

I hated the postnatal ward mostly because DH was sent home.

I couldn't give a rats ass if that makes me a saddo.

Both my dcs were born at 10.40 at night . Dh got to stay for an hour or so on then had to go home. He had been at the hospital since 3 in the morning for ds as well has months of visiting straight after work to see me and not getting home until gone 10. Not exactly sure what good he could have been at the hospital. It was the middle of the night and knackered.
It was also the middle of the night again he was better off at home rather than pandering to my whims. He biught ds to collect me the next morning.

Pinholes I was unexpectedly in a mixed bay on a mixed surgical ward when pfb was six months old. Since he was still pretty much ebf I was having to express every few hours for comfort.

So when after a shift change a new nurse heard a funny noise coming from my cubicle and whipped the curtain open, she found me stripped to the waist attached to a pump.

Like I say. Mixed ward. I don't know which of us was more mortified, but given the look on the face of the chap opposite I was glad his leg was very broken.

Yanbu. I'd like reduced visiting hours, I enjoyed the peace when noisy visitors had gone and it was just dd and I and the midwives.

My DH was glad to get home once visiting hours were over. At least one of us was getting some sleep...

In the hospital where I had my first two men were allowed to linger on ward after birth. I had dd in the afternoon and dp was booted out at 9pm but when I had ds1 at just before midnight dp came to the ward with me and would have been allowed to stay... he chose to go home and catch up on sleep but the woman next to me had her husband with her all night and he drove me mad whispering and shuffling about.

I was in a different hospital with ds2, after i was discharged but he was still in scbu i was staying at my parents as they were only half an hour away whereas home was an hour... I'd stay with ds2 til 11/12 at night, drive to my parents to sleep and be back before shift change at 8am... I simply didn't have enough milk expressed to leave for any longer even if I'd wanted to. As it was I was seting alarms for 3am to express at my parents house.

One night I was walking out past the day room on my way out and I found my friend from our village in early labour... her husband wasn't allowed on ward (mixed ante and post natal ward) so she was lurking in the day room with him. It was too far for him to go home in case the labour progressed as we lived so far away so he ended up spending two nights sleeping on chairs in the day room.

So whilst I don't think men/partners/parents should be allowed to stay on ward as it's disruptive I do think there should be some form of basic accommodation for people in our situation where going home isn't an option due to distance , either because of a baby still remaining and needing care/feeding or because travel time might cause a partner to miss the birth.

I agree with an adventure. If sick and post-surgery women were getting enough help then in open wards it would be better if fathers didn't stay, but until the economy/NHS can provide this some people need the help a partner can provide. In no other situation would someone nearly dead from a pph and confined to lying upside down be expected to get up every couple of hours day and night, lift a 9 pound weight for hours etc...

First baby - I was on crutches anyway, then had surgery post birth and then a catastrophic pph. Whilst lying upside down, on transfusions I was expected to do everything for my baby and get to the loo on my own. There weren't enough mW/hca . They were the worst nights of my life, and I've had some pretty bad times.I was in a 4bed with restricted visiting, which I agreed with, but partners could stay until 9. I really needed my partner over night.

Baby2 was so much better despite me being in a worse state in some ways I.e wheelchair bound, section and smaller pph. I was in a private room and dh was allowed to stay every night. Baby on ventilator in nicu, I hadn't been able to see him until second day, dh was helping me express and then running vials down to nicu even in middle of night. Dh did everything. Without him I'd have taken up a mW every time I needed to do anything, or the expressing would have been impossible. MW very kindly allowed 2nd 'birth partner' as I needed constant supervision so mil and dh took it in turns to stay with me or stay in Nick.

Nicu, bloody autocorrect.

I admit I struggled, especially when I was still paralysed from the waist down. However I do think having a room so full of people impeded my recovery. I couldn't move about to get my mobility back, I couldn't manouvre comfortably to work with dd because strangers were pressed up against my curtains on both sides making an already small space smaller, I felt awkward going to the toilet due to the lack of a clear path there and the knowledge I couldn't take my time to allow for ny pain because I knew someone would demand access, it was filthy because the cleaners couldn't clean, there were 2 toilets between more than 50 (10 of them bleeding heavily), missed doses of analgesia because the midwives were restricted by space and constant interruptions. They were short staffed yet had to spend 90% of the shift dealing with relatives rather than caring for their patients. In all the time I was in there I didn't notice one visitor being a help, just a hindrance.

The constant unbearable noise and stuffiness of so many people meant that even if dd fell asleep I couldn't snatch some rest. Dd didn't sleep much really til we got home.

The resulting lack of privacy I'm convinced contributed to my PND.It certainly had me trying to hide under the covers pretending not to be sobbing and to block out some of noise.

Yanbu

I had no visitors and so liked the restrictions.

Even if I had visitors I think I would've liked to have a break from them.

It is a hospital. Get discharged early if you want to entertain

Also I think they should restrict fathers visiting time more. A couple of hours early morning and a couple in the evening would suffice. (In addition to the regular everyone-else visiting times)

Despite having had 2 babies in hospital I've got next to no experience of the horrors of other people's visitors. The first time I was in less than 12 hours after DS was born. With DD I had an ELCS and was lucky enough to get a private room.

I was very lucky. Due to being VI my partner was allowed to stay overnight and parents where allowed any time 7-7 which was great. I had my own room which was amazing. No complaints here :)

The hospital where I had my kids didn't have visiting hours in the maternity ward; people could come whenever, and partners can stay overnight. All the rooms were "maternity suites," though, not shared rooms, so we weren't bothered by other people's visitors.

Partners should be able to stay 24 hours a day if they want. I had my DS1 in a private hospital and DH had camp bed next to me and stayed 3 days, it was a wonderful time for all of us.

I had a room to myself after my two csections and it was bliss. I would have hated being on a ward, exhausted and vulnerable, bosoms ahoy in front of loads of complete strangers.