Page 3 | To think that visiting times on the postnatal ward are fine

elliejjtiny · 2013-12-17T14:21:58+00:00

Disclaimer: I've been stuck at home with puking DC for a few days so have more time to think about trivial stuff than normal [smile]. Visiting times on the postnatal ward at my local hospital are partners all day (something like 9am to 9pm) and everyone else 2:30pm-5:30pm, 2 visitors per bed. No children except siblings of the baby and they can only come at normal visiting times. Children weren't counted in the 2 visitors rule thankfully so DH could bring our 3 older DC at once. In NICU/SCBU parents and siblings are welcome anytime. Grandparents and other close relatives (not sure how they define this) can come 2:30pm-5:30pm but only with parents permission (this rule came in quite handy when MIL wanted to visit DS4 the first time I was allowed to go down to NICU after only getting a quick glimpse of him when he was born). I was at a toddler group last week and some of the new mums/pregnant mums were having a whinge about how strict the visiting times are. Bearing in mind that most healthy 2nd+ timers are discharged straight from delivery suite so most of the women on the postnatal ward were quite poorly or their babies were. I was in for 3 days recovering from c-sec and TBH I only wanted DH and the DC's to visit (antisocial emoticon). Because DH was looking after the DC's and DS3 in particular doesn't really do sitting still then I only saw him and them for 15 mins or so every day. I survived and so did the lady in the next bed who was also on her 4th DC so in the same situation. These women at toddler group were moaning that their friends children weren't allowed in and their friends were only allowed in 2 at a time. The mums of newborns had only been in for about 12 hours too [shock]. TBH after a few of the other women's visitors had been pointing at me and speculating in loud whispers why I didn't have any visitors and why I didn't have a cot beside me I could have been quite happy to have all visitors banned (told you I was antisocial!). One of the other women whose baby was in NICU got her DH to bring in a big "it's a boy" helium balloon to show everyone that she had had a baby after a few nosy people asked if she was still pregnant and was the antenatal ward full? IMO although it doesn't suit everyone I think there must be restrictions on visitors so that there is relative peace and quiet for new mums to recover.

Ephiny · 17/12/2013 15:58

What a bizarre comment from Icebeing .

I agree restricted visiting hours are fine. It would be different maybe if everyone had their own private room, but on most NHS wards that isn't the case, and there needs to be some rules to allow a bit of quiet and privacy. A hospital isn't supposed to be a social venue.

FandangoLaLaLaLaLaLaLaaaa · 17/12/2013 16:08

YANBU OP. My hospital has similar times/numbers restrictions and I thought they were perfect. The woman in the bed next to me had her DP there all day and thank Christ he had to go home at night. They were older parents who'd suffered a number of losses previously and he was terrified something would happen to the baby. Several times he started screaming that the baby wasn't moving, only to be told he was fine once the midwives/crash team came running in.

There was also a feral toddler who ran full pelt through my curtains and into my bed knocking himself over, but I was exhausted and slept through it

That's a really weird and offensive thing to say IceBeing.

AnAdventureInCakeAndWine · 17/12/2013 16:14

Depends whether you have a MIL helping with older DCs who decides that in spite of the fact that siblings were only allowed to visit 2.30-5.30 she would pick them up from school at 3.30, then give them some tea right away, then wash DD1's hair, then just generally faff about so that eventually they turned up at 5.20 (meanwhile I'd been expecting them straight from school at 3.45, as we'd agreed...)

First time round (c/s so in for four days) I would have quite liked DH there overnight just so that I would avoid the homicidal urge that came over me when I saw the email he'd sent everyone about how easy DS was and how he just slept most of the time. Yes, he mostly slept when you were there. But all bloody night long when I was on my own he wanted to be fed every 15-20 minutes. Once the midwives took him off me so that I could get some sleep and I managed 45 minutes... Slept all the time, my arse...

"let mothers rest and learn to deal with their new babies on their own, given that most of us will need to do this once paternity leave is over" Hmm, yes, once paternity leave is over. Much of the point of paternity leave is to make sure that the mother doesn't need to deal with the new baby on her own right away, surely, and as you point out most of the mothers will be poorly or have had a CS. "Rest" and "learn to deal with your new baby on your own" are largely mutually exclusive when you've had abdominal surgery, rolling over in bed is a painful major undertaking and you've been told not to lift anything over 10lb and then been handed a hungry 10.5lb baby...

(I still broadly agree with the visiting hours, but if I'd had a second c/s I would have discharged myself early and gone home so that DH could be helpful overnight, rather than go through that again)

VivaLeBeaver · 17/12/2013 16:15

Well in response to Icebeings question some partners are registered sex offenders. Most we know about and sometimes I've had to allocate a student or a HCA to try and unobtrusively remain in the bay to make sure they don't go anywhere/do anything they shouldn't.

Yes, I realise the chances of them molesting someone on the ward is fairly remote but we have some poorly women in side rooms. Can you imagine the headlines if a convicted sex offender slipped in and did something?

We're moving to overnight visiting for partners so God knows how we'll manage. In a six bedded bay with 2ft between the beds. They'll get an ordinary plastic chair to "sleep" in. I imagine they'll be demanding blankets, etc so extra work for staff as well as increased laundry. They're not allowed to use the loo on the ward so have to be buzzed in and out if they want the loo. There's only two midwives overnight for a 40 bedded ward. So 40 blokes in and out the ward through the night needing to be let in and out while we're already rushed off our feet. Plus we've been told we have to provide them with breakfast in the morning.

Then there's the drunk, violent, generally nasty partners. Believe me they exist, I've been threatened before now as have my colleagues. I rang security once and the old bloke said he couldn't come as he was busy in a&e. bloke off his head on drugs storming round the ward.

I imagine some women will complain about having a strange man 2ft away from her, just the other side of a flimsy curtain. Especially if he's snoring. Then there will be the women who feel uncomfortable having to get up to the loo in the night, in a nightie, pad leaking, having to walk last strange men.

Ubik1 · 17/12/2013 16:17

Op

Your experience brought back to me what it was like when DD1 was in SCBU

Had a portable morphine drip though which came in very useful as I climbed two floors to Bf every 3/4 hours. Hardly ever hot to take oral meds as was always en route to SCBU clutching C section wound.

Crying when the DD1 wouldn't screeching and nurse said accusingly: "it's distress" telling me off fir picking up DD1 "I've just settled her,"

Then after a week I got the holy grail - a side room in SCBU, with DD1, woke to banging on my door one night and a man shouting at nurses I think he wanted his wife to be in the room I was staying in.

Hospitals are nuts. Visitors are worse

HopAlongOnItsOnlyChristmas · 17/12/2013 16:18

OMG viva that sounds hellish. I imagine you'll get a lot more women discharging themselves very quickly!

Ubik1 · 17/12/2013 16:18

Sorry 'wouldn't stop screeching

marzipanned · 17/12/2013 16:19

Partners at our hospital aren't allowed in all day, they're allowed in for three between mealtimes slots. I'm really unhappy about this, we live too far away to make it practical for DH to go home whenever I'm eating and there's nowhere in the hospital to just hang out and wait.

I wish there was the option of paying for a private room, but sadly, no. After reading this thread I am really dreading the post-natal ward!

CrohnicallySick · 17/12/2013 16:24

Froubylou- up and around 8 hours after cs? I didn't have any feeling and was still cathed 8 hours later. I gave birth at tea time and the midwives had to keep getting DD for me all night as I couldn't even sit up to reach the bedside cot. In the morning (around 18 hours later) I needed DH to help me shower as I couldn't get out of bed or stand by myself, but the midwives insisted I have a shower.

In fact, the second night I was in I was still struggling due to the immense pain (I can't take the usual post c section painkillers).

DeckTheHallsWithBoughsOfHorry · 17/12/2013 16:28

When I had DC2 the hospital was trialling all-day visiting - so 11-8 and apparently unlimited numbers.

I had a single room but it was still hell. No peace to eat or sleep or try to start bfing (I am fine bfip once established but find the first few days very challenging).

I think I was in week two of the four-week trial. The staff already knew they'd not be continuing.

Visiting times typically protect meal times. Patients need peace to eat.

If you're well enough for hordes of visitors, you're well enough to go home. If there aren't lots of strangers knocking about, the staff have enough time to care for those who need it and discharge those who don't.

WilsonFrickett · 17/12/2013 16:30

Oh god Viva I remember having some very bad triggering on a thread on here about DP's staying over night and had to kind of avoid the subject since. Very that it is going through.

jammiedonut · 17/12/2013 16:31

I was lucky in that I was discharged within 7 hours of my first birth. DH and dm had been with me throughout labour and were in need of a rest so the midwives kindly let them 'borrow' a bed each so one of them would be fit to drive home when the time came! There were 3 other women on the ward, all of whom had their partners with them. We were all very understanding and friendly to each other for the small time we were on the ward together, although I do believe I embarrassed one of the partners when I got up and promptly gushed blood all over the floor, myself and my dm's feet! Poor bloke was mortified, I on the other hand had just spent the last 24 hours stark naked bent over a birthing ball, so had (and still have) absolutely no shame whatsoever.

I'd have been happy to stay on the ward without dh as we'd spent the last 48hours together in very close proximity, but I would've felt terrible that he missed out on those early moments with his ds. As it was, I collapsed in bed when we got home and he spent most of the time with the baby, waking me up for feeds.

IfAtFirstUDontSucceed · 17/12/2013 16:35

I had DS in a relatively small hospital and there was only ever 4 ladies on what was about a 10 bed ward. Visiting was 10-8 for partners and two 2 hour slots in the afternoon and evening for other visitors.
I was there about 48 hours and am glad the visiting times were as they were. I was getting pretty fed up of my neighbours army of visitors constantly brushing past the dividing curtain opening it and peering in while I was trying unsucesfully to establish BF.

I was then transferred to a maternity unit closer to home for two nights and it was like paradise! It was more like a hotel (still NHS), I didn't want to leave.
There were two beds per room, and I was lucky in that I had a room to myself. Visiting for partners was 24hours but only a seat for them to sleep on. DH obviously couldn't use the other bed in in the room in case someone was brought in. Visiting for others again was two 2hour slots in the afternoon and evening.

Other than my DH, I was glad when my visitors left, and wouldn't like the thought of them being able to come and go as they pleased.

HeffalumpTheFlump · 17/12/2013 16:39

I really wish the midwives on the postnatal ward had been stricter about visiting hours. After an awful first night with dd and being drugged up on morphine after my cs, the last thing I wanted to deal with was the noisy family of the woman across from me. They were there pretty much all day both days and let their two year old run up and down the ward screaming. The midwives did nothing.

I was exhausted and desperately needed rest, but because of them couldn't get any sleep. They also all regularly went out for a cigarette leaving the poor little newborn baby to scream on his own while they were gone. Not nice at all.

cantheyseeme · 17/12/2013 16:41

I think they are very reasonable

SummerRain · 17/12/2013 16:42

I was in a bed without my baby too as he was in scbu (previous births I was discharged first thing the morning after birth so didn't have to experiance any visiting times)

Our SCBU wuldn't allow any visitors other than parents which I found hard as dd and ds1 didn't get to meet ds2 until he was discharged, and it would have been nice if my mother could have at least seen him after driving all the way up to see me in hospital.

I used to hide in scbu during visiting hours as the ward was just too busy and unpleasant and I was tired and cranky and very conscious of my baby not being with me. tbh I spent most of the day and night in scbu, I only went on ward to eat and sleep for a few hours a night (uncomplicated birth so I was lucky enough to be mobile from the get go).

Xfirefly · 17/12/2013 16:42

I do think partners should be able to stay overnight if you've had a section and the wards are busy. I had a EMCS and I couldn't get out of bed to change or bf LO. when I was calling for assistance I was getting huffs and little tellings off saying they were busy. I was made to feel a nuisance even though I couldnt get up. it was a good job OH could stay from 8 TIL 9 because I hardly saw the midwives.