To think that visiting times on the postnatal ward are fine

[elliejjtiny]

Disclaimer: I've been stuck at home with puking DC for a few days so have more time to think about trivial stuff than normal .

Visiting times on the postnatal ward at my local hospital are partners all day (something like 9am to 9pm) and everyone else 2:30pm-5:30pm, 2 visitors per bed. No children except siblings of the baby and they can only come at normal visiting times. Children weren't counted in the 2 visitors rule thankfully so DH could bring our 3 older DC at once.

In NICU/SCBU parents and siblings are welcome anytime. Grandparents and other close relatives (not sure how they define this) can come 2:30pm-5:30pm but only with parents permission (this rule came in quite handy when MIL wanted to visit DS4 the first time I was allowed to go down to NICU after only getting a quick glimpse of him when he was born).

I was at a toddler group last week and some of the new mums/pregnant mums were having a whinge about how strict the visiting times are. Bearing in mind that most healthy 2nd+ timers are discharged straight from delivery suite so most of the women on the postnatal ward were quite poorly or their babies were.

I was in for 3 days recovering from c-sec and TBH I only wanted DH and the DC's to visit (antisocial emoticon). Because DH was looking after the DC's and DS3 in particular doesn't really do sitting still then I only saw him and them for 15 mins or so every day. I survived and so did the lady in the next bed who was also on her 4th DC so in the same situation. These women at toddler group were moaning that their friends children weren't allowed in and their friends were only allowed in 2 at a time. The mums of newborns had only been in for about 12 hours too .

TBH after a few of the other women's visitors had been pointing at me and speculating in loud whispers why I didn't have any visitors and why I didn't have a cot beside me I could have been quite happy to have all visitors banned (told you I was antisocial!). One of the other women whose baby was in NICU got her DH to bring in a big "it's a boy" helium balloon to show everyone that she had had a baby after a few nosy people asked if she was still pregnant and was the antenatal ward full?

IMO although it doesn't suit everyone I think there must be restrictions on visitors so that there is relative peace and quiet for new mums to recover.

[sykadelic15]

The majority of these stories are so horrifying to me. I'd absolutely hate to be in that kind of ward situation with so many beds (especially the ones about being in labour in a group situation)... I told my husband it's the first time I've been less stress at the idea of giving birth in the US...

I do thank you all for your stories though. Maybe there are hospitals here that have a similar situation and I'm most DEFINITELY going to be aware to ask those questions!

[Annonynon]

Bruffin I do sympathise because I've had extended stays too (and lots of children) so I've spent a lot of time in wards both antenatal and postnatal and sometimes other people can drive you mad and make a bad situation worse, but also sometimes there is a genuine need for a partner to be there 24/7. My DH tried to be as unobtrusive and respectful as possible but I needed to have him there overnight

[ILoveCwtches]

I was supposed to be midwife led, which would have meant DP being able to stay over after dd was born. However, I developed very high blood pressure when labour started, so I was admitted to the Consultant led unit, instead.

At the time, I found it ironic that if I'd had a less traumatic birth (without forceps, stitches, loss of a loto of blood & obvious epidural to go with that), that DP could have stayed.

I was in for 3 nights initially and I was so shell shocked, that first night, that all I remember doing was shoving a boob in DDs face, everytime she whimpered. I was so concerned about disturbing the other 3 ladies and their babies.

The second night was worse. The woman in the cubicle next to me had a ds who was very jaundiced and was struggling to establish bf. I knew the intimate details as she rang the call bell every few minutes and loudly explained everything to whoever answered. I know now, that she was obviously struggling and stressed, but at the time I could have throttled her.

The woman across from me snored like a warthog and people regularly had to wake her to tell her the baby was crying. Then they brought up a new Mum with her baby, with the obvious associated noise.

With all that, plus me having an almost hysterical panic that I was developing pre-eclampsia as my bp spiked and my legs swelled, if there had been 3 extra people plus DP there, overnight, I'd have lost it.

I was readmitted when dd was 6 days old as my bp had skyrocketed, again. I was so upset when they told me. The midwife asked if there was a reason it was so upsetting and I said I couldn't stand the thought of going back there. She said, 'we wouldn't do that to you!' I was given a side room, on a different ward and DP was allowed to stay. He slept 3 nights on two chairs pushed together. I tried to make him go home after the first night, but he insisted.

Visiting was 9-9 for partners then 2-3 and 6-8 for 2 people per bed plus siblings of baby. That was good as the days were relatively peaceful. It still meant a giant party during evening visiting, though. I really don't understand how people can be so oblivious of other people's situations.

Ok, that was longer than I'd planned! Cathartic, though.

[bruffin]

it may have been horrific to go without your dh for the one night in hospital.
Your dh and other dhs every night for the 40 odd days i was on the main ward would have mad a bad situation 10 time worse for me. I wss supposed to be in relaxing because of high blood pressure. I had two 24 urine tests where i had to cart a litre bottle with me to the loo to fill mith my urine. lovely and dignified.
i was woken up with them moving beds at 3 in the morning then again at 6 for my blood pressure to be taken. I never got a lot of sleep.

[marzipanned]

BoffinMum Quite! Surely we can all agree on this point...

[bruffin]

Dangermouse
I have repeatedly said on the thread i was in hospital for 7 weeks. Something like 40 days pre labour, 3 days induving and labour and finally 4 days after ds was born. I was on the ward with women who had been in sometimes for 2 weeks but also those who had had their babies. I had a very rough time and one ds wss born they gave me a private room which they moved me out of for a while until the senior mid wife found out and went mad and got my room back.
The worst bit was having to share a room with strangers for all that time and dhs would have made it much worse. It was bad enough when one woman pretended her brother was her dh when her dh couldnt come in one day and she hadnt had her baby yet. He wss there all day.

[BoffinMum]

Do you know what?
Having read all this I am of the mind that making women share wards during and after having babies is so 19th century it needs to stop.

[Daykin]

by 'she' I mean the pg woman

[Daykin]

Dangermouse the woman in the next bed to me was being induced but her labour hadn't started. Her birth partner didn't go home. Instead she talked loudly on her phone while her teenage boyfriend constantly opened and closed my curtains and told me to shut the fuck up. My contractions were less than two minutes apart. The problem with it being the choice of the woman, rather than the hospital, is one woman's choice to be surrounded by arseholes removes another womans choice to not be surrounded by arseholes.

[SoonToBeSix]

In our hospital partners can stay with you overnight in a private room for £30 b and b.

[grumpyoldbat]

I think the right to privacy for the rest of the patients, right to access to toilets, the MW right to do their job without abuse etc are more important and more conducive to recovery than having someone stay 24/7.

[Oldraver]

I was in for two weeks after DS was born and frankly visitors and their watching of the tv at top volume for hours on end were a nuisance. As you say a lot of us on the Post Natal wards were ill or had babys in SCBU/NICU and with the constant going back up and down to NICU, expressing milk etc they were frankly a pain.

[Thesebootsweremadeforwalking]

Nanny, I think you've just pinpointed why I'm so uncomfortable with the idea of open visiting - it does effectively create a mixed-sex ward. I'm guessing not everyone would choose to, say, have elective surgery in a hospital which couldn't provide a single-sex environment on the ward, which I think is the equivalent. I certainly wouldn't want to.

[Sirzy]

Shara - I have to agree, DS has spent a lot of time in hospital and daytime visitors all day really do make it hard, although it is officially 2 per bed it never seems to be enforced. I appreciate it is hard for families especially when they have other children but when you have a child who really does need to sleep it is very frustrating.

[Nanny0gg]

I feel pretty strongly that everyone has the right to have their birth partner (whether that's the other parent or not) with them 24/7, it's completely horrific to be left alone all night looking after a newborn with no support, especially if you're in lots of pain or your baby is unwell. It should be up to the woman, not the hospital.

If you need to be in a hospital, you are needing the care of medical professionals. You often also need peace, quiet and privacy.

Looking after a new baby isn't 'horrific'. Scary yes, horrific no. If you are worried, it is far better to have an experienced midwife with you than your partner who could well be as inexperienced as you are.

Mixed medical and surgical wards are now hopefully on the way out, why would you want to introduce virtual mixed maternity wards?

And certainly at present, the NHS hasn't the space, facilities or spare money to make it work.

[Sharaluck]

I agree that post natal wards need to keep restrictions but also think children's wards need more restrictions on the number of visitors and also visiting slots.

Children are in hospital because they are sick and it can be very unpredictable if they are young, so especially stressful for their carers. The priority should be on time for children and carers to rest during the day and a good routine with set visiting times would help.

[Sirzy]

Danger mouse? Where are you putting all these extra people? Where are they washing and using the toilet? How are you going to guarantee they don't disturb others who are trying to sleep?

[Dangermouse1]

I feel pretty strongly that everyone has the right to have their birth partner (whether that's the other parent or not) with them 24/7, it's completely horrific to be left alone all night looking after a newborn with no support, especially if you're in lots of pain or your baby is unwell. It should be up to the woman, not the hospital.

[Annonynon]

Yes grumpy but that apples to day visitors also. I'm not saying that there aren't problems with partners staying overnight but sometimes it's neccesery and things can be put in place to make it less of an issue

[Thesebootsweremadeforwalking]

Viva that's rough.

If the trend is moving towards allowing partners to stay 24/7, frankly I'm glad I won't be having any more children.

With DC1 visiting hours were 2 2-hour slots, with an extra one for dads and sibling only. By the time DC2 was born, partners and siblings were allowed in 9-9, and everyone else kept the two 2-hour slots. My second stay wasn't nearly as pleasant as my first. As a lot of pp have mentioned, it's just not a time when I want to have to be near men I don't know, for many reasons, and the general noise levels were much higher.

[grumpyoldbat]

That's great annonym but you do realise that there are many people who are unwilling/incapable of following rules. Some react violently when asked to do so. That is why in general partners shouldn't be allowed to stay overnight.

[Annonynon]

When my DH stayed in with me the midwives gave him a list of rules to follow, which were basically common sense and he would have done anyway but I'm sure if he'd been disruptive he'd have been asked to leave

Even then there were midwives who clearly didn't want him to be there (as well as those who were fine with it) but even they couldn't come up with another workable solution to caring for me and the baby so really what choice did we have?

[OddBoots]

I think we are united in saying that staffing levels on post-natal wards need to be higher, that should be the focus. If after that there is the scope for private rooms/separate wards so partners can stay if wanted then that's a bonus.

[grumpyoldbat]

ice you're forgetting just how noisy, disruptive, selfish one person has the potential to be. For example spending over half an hour im the patient toilet, threatening MW, eating the food meant for patients leaving them with nothing. I witnessed all of this. Yes I know other women could be like this but they have to be there and the partners don't.

I also agree with deckthehalls abused women need the opportunity to be alone. If a precedent is set for partners to stay overnight they will be placed in a very vulnerable position. You can't have one rule for one and one for another, that's unworkable.