To think that visiting times on the postnatal ward are fine

[elliejjtiny]

Disclaimer: I've been stuck at home with puking DC for a few days so have more time to think about trivial stuff than normal .

Visiting times on the postnatal ward at my local hospital are partners all day (something like 9am to 9pm) and everyone else 2:30pm-5:30pm, 2 visitors per bed. No children except siblings of the baby and they can only come at normal visiting times. Children weren't counted in the 2 visitors rule thankfully so DH could bring our 3 older DC at once.

In NICU/SCBU parents and siblings are welcome anytime. Grandparents and other close relatives (not sure how they define this) can come 2:30pm-5:30pm but only with parents permission (this rule came in quite handy when MIL wanted to visit DS4 the first time I was allowed to go down to NICU after only getting a quick glimpse of him when he was born).

I was at a toddler group last week and some of the new mums/pregnant mums were having a whinge about how strict the visiting times are. Bearing in mind that most healthy 2nd+ timers are discharged straight from delivery suite so most of the women on the postnatal ward were quite poorly or their babies were.

I was in for 3 days recovering from c-sec and TBH I only wanted DH and the DC's to visit (antisocial emoticon). Because DH was looking after the DC's and DS3 in particular doesn't really do sitting still then I only saw him and them for 15 mins or so every day. I survived and so did the lady in the next bed who was also on her 4th DC so in the same situation. These women at toddler group were moaning that their friends children weren't allowed in and their friends were only allowed in 2 at a time. The mums of newborns had only been in for about 12 hours too .

TBH after a few of the other women's visitors had been pointing at me and speculating in loud whispers why I didn't have any visitors and why I didn't have a cot beside me I could have been quite happy to have all visitors banned (told you I was antisocial!). One of the other women whose baby was in NICU got her DH to bring in a big "it's a boy" helium balloon to show everyone that she had had a baby after a few nosy people asked if she was still pregnant and was the antenatal ward full?

IMO although it doesn't suit everyone I think there must be restrictions on visitors so that there is relative peace and quiet for new mums to recover.

[bruffin]

The hospital i was in had mixed prenatal/postnatal ward. I was in there for 7 weeks before DS was born. I would have gone mental if it was long visiting hours and partners allowed to stay overnight.

[ziggiestardust]

YANBU. If I have another DC, I will discharge myself unless the baby is actually poorly.

From 9am, people were holding court around their beds. Fuck off. Just fuck off. Hellish.

[Dontletthemgetyoudown]

asides from anything else, there generally isn't enough room on the wards for more than one or two visitors at a time. Most hospitals have done away with the visitors rooms to make extra bays/rooms for the mums, so if there are 6 beds to a bay, even with 2 visitors each that's still 12 extra people for medical staff to navigate around.

Most new parents are in or such a short period of time, how much of a hardship is it truly to say goodbye to your dp/h at 9pm and see them again in the morning? if you've had difficult night, they should be well rested and then able to look after your newborn while you catch up on some sleep in the day, waking you for feeds if bf and not even needing to do that if ff.

You might love lots of visitors but what about the person in the next bed who doesn't? if it was a blanket rule for everyone, except those in urgent need, such as babies in poor condition on nicu where surely no one is heartless enough to deny them the extra emotional support of dp, or to want dp to not be around should something happen.

[elliejjtiny]

Thank goodness it's not just me. I was beginning to think I was a complete freak . I spent a lot of time shuffling off to NICU to be with DS4 because I felt like a "proper mum" there. On the postnatal ward it felt like I was working while everyone else was partying because I spent most of the time there expressing, stuffing more painkillers down my neck and bracing myself for the next agonising shuffle down to NICU. I remember crying outside the door to the postnatal ward because I'd waited to talk to the paed about DS4's MRI results and by the time I'd shuffled back to postnatal I was 15 mins late for the drugs round and in agony. The lovely midwife came and tucked me into bed with a dose of oral morphine.

The open visiting in another area sounds like a good idea. There is a reception area in my local maternity unit with some chairs and a vending machine where anyone can go but it seems to be mainly full of women waiting for their partners to bring the car round and grandparents waiting to hear news of their DD's/DIL's labours.

[Birdsgottafly]

Our visiting times in the Liverpool Women's are (I think) 12-3 and 6-8.

Which fits in with work time. Two named Birth assistants (those in the birth room) were 9-9. That was in March.

Some women are very vulnerable, the hospital understaffed etc so I think that is fairer.

I think it was four around a bed, it worked for my niece and the non English speaking woman in the next bed.

Also the woman who was transferred from another city as the baby was due to go into Alder Hey.

The rooms were a four bed and there are a good amount if private rooms.

I suppose it depends on the layout/size of hospital.

I don't think your visiting times were fair tbh.

[enormouse]

My partner and his family lived an hour and a half away from the hospital I was at with ds so I only saw them for one visiting slot as at that time they only allowed partners within visiting slots. It did get lonely but it was just 2 days.

Some people flauted those rules and had loads of people with them all of the time. I got sick and tired of the pitying looks and felt claustrophobic with the curtains shut all the time. There was one particular family that would go round shutting everyone else's curtains so they could congregate around their relative in privacy with her curtains open- very odd!

[pianodoodle]

I don't like the idea of other people's visitors chatting to me but then I'm antisocial too!

We were in a birth centre so no ward and DH could stay with me overnight.

Due next week so hoping birth centre will be fine again but will need to go to another hospital if any complications and that would be a ward with visiting hours so I'm hoping to avoid that!

Some people like a crowd I like to keep myself to myself especially after giving birth!

[Monka]

YANBU - I had a EMCS after an induction and only had to spend one night in hospital after the birth. I couldn't wait to leave, the ward was noisy I was in a hospital gown that first day and conscious that the partner of the woman in the cubicle next to me kept tugging at the curtain (not deliberately) but I didnt fancy being exposed to all and sundry. I was lucky they agreed to let me go as was told that they were happy for me to stay longer if I needed to. But I knew I would get more rest and privacy at home.

[elliejjtiny]

Miaow I'd forgotten about the bounty woman. I got my revenge on her though by taking the bag of freebies and refusing to give her my address .

DS3 is one of those toddlers who is into everything and would probably cause havoc given half a chance but DH took him away again before he had a chance to get himself into trouble. I've got a lovely photo of him and DH though, both sat on my bed side by side, DH playing with his mobile phone and DS3 playing with mine .

[bruffin]

I was once told by another poster that I was selfish because it would "spoil her special time with her dp for him to go home at night"
This was after i pointed out that I had spent nearly 2 months on a maternity ward and that it was bad enough having to share for all that time without having to put up with dps as well.

[toobreathless]

Utterly ridiculous comment icebeing & quite offensive.

If you truly needed DP there you would have been given a side room.

You need to man up.

[DownstairsMixUp]

I dont think yabu at all and agree with above comment, i was epileptic (sleep triggered seizures and stress) so i was given a side room so DP could stay with me on post natal :)

[DesperatelySeekingSedatives]

I would have liked DP to have been able to stay longer than past 9pm because I felt so lost and alone first time round and I think I was probably quite needy first couple of weeks. Other visitors tho YANBU. my mum and sister came to visit first time and that was plenty. I was a shellshocked mess and the fewer people that saw me in that state the better! Saw pretty much everyone else the week DD was born just at home which was better for everyone.

With DS I was only in 8 hours post birth woohoo!

[shouldnthavesaid]

I honestly think there should be stricter rules in general for visiting - I haven't had children but was in for surgery a few weeks ago. There were only two of us on the ward, the other patient had a lap under general, I'd had a coil fitted under spinal. I was taken out of recovery at 5pm, at 5:10 the other woman's husband bounded in with three girls, youngest 3.

Did the three year old not then run up and down the ward, on my bed, on her mums bed, showing me her mums phone, playing with the blood pressure machine, looking under all the beds.. Of course Daddy took off for a quick cigarette.

I was retching, feverish, very sore and bleeding quite heavily - and the woman opposite was still a bit dozy and unable to care for the girls at all. I was also pretty much paralysed from the waist down, could wriggle my legs but only a tiny bit.

Whilst this was going on I had two nurses trying to wash me, change my bed, dress me into pyjamas and ascertain why I was still bleeding. Loudly. Thankfully they pulled the curtains (getting a pair of pants on whilst in that state isn't easy) but I was still mortified. 'Oh Shouldn't, did you realise you're having quite a heavy vaginal bleed? Emma, do you suppose it's normal for that amount of bleeding? I'll fetch you a sanitary towel..'

Had similar two years ago on a day surgery ward after having major vulval surgery - no one made any secret of the fact that I had this, and the woman's husband opposite me (who was allowed to stay for the whole day? I got a letter telling me on no circumstances were any relatives allowed on the unit unless under the age of 15!) smirking/grinning every time a nurse walked past the beds (Victorian ward) and shouted over to me - 'Shouldn't has any sensation come back down below yet love? Have you had any bleeding? I'll change your pad soon..' I did not need the added bother of him. Especially since it was a females only bay.

If I could control it all visitors would be restricted to a visiting suite unless the patient is seriously ill or unless it's a case involving a baby, pregnant lady or very young child. Even then it should only be the partner or parents.

[elliejjtiny]

Not sure how many side rooms there were on the postnatal ward (at least 1 though) when I was in but there were 3 of us on the ward without our babies in the main ward. I would imagine that those women who really needed their partners with them would have been given a side room though and there was a separate bereavement area for mums whose babies had been stillborn or died shortly after birth.

[BlackholesAndRevelations]

IceBeing- see above for many an answer to your question!

Our visiting hours are dps all day til about 9 or 10, and everyone else 2.30-3.30 and 5.30-6.30. Was quite good really. That said, I'm glad I got a private room for dc2 and I'm praying I get 6 hour discharge for dc3; hated being in there!

[bluecheeseforbreakfast]

The hospital had ds in had a no visiting rule ever for everyone ( bar older dc) dp's stayed with the mum and baby all the time and every couple had a private room and bathroom but still visitors were not allowed due to the risk of infection.

I thought it was fair enough really.

[ILiveInAPineappleCoveredInSnow]

YANBU. I had an emcs with ds1 and an elcs with ds2.

Both times, partners were allowed 9-1 and 3-9. Other visitors were allowed from 2-4 and 6-8 the first time, and from 3-8.
It was absolutely fine for visiting times.

My DS2 ended up in scbu, so I was also baby less but thankfully moved to a room with two others in the same position, so didn't have to deal with the stares.

The whole reason for having visiting times is to let mothers rest and learn to deal with their new babies on their own, given that most of us will need to do this once paternity leave is over, and ladies on the PN ward tend to be there for a reason eg they are poorly or had a CS.

icebeing that was a dreadful comment to make. Unnecessary and offensive.

[CrispyFB]

YANBU completely. Non family visitors should be restricted to a few hours and few in number. It's not a party. As should small uncontrollable children of the parents.. DH can never stay long as we always have a two year old and it isn't fair on others.

As for partners, if they're quiet and respectful they should be able to stay as long as they want to (although I feel a bit weird about them being there at proper nighttime) However if they're noisy and/or disrespectful then only between limited set hours. Perhaps the fear of being booted out might teach some of them some manners. Instead of them gawping at new mothers desperately trying to breastfeed who are not allowed to have the curtains shut for medical reasons. Or taking your chairs away without asking, or moving their chairs back so they're practically in your bed, or screeching loudly into their phones. And the staring. Again. I hate the staring.

And that's just the visitors - often the mothers have been no better with phonecalls (despite signs saying not to outside certain times), headphones hissing away at full volume (a trigger noise that really really winds me up) and loud conversations at 2am with other patients/midwives etc instead of talking in hushed tones out of respect for others trying to sleep. Or using phones that beep with every button push (aieee) Babies crying don't bother me, I can empathise with that and it's unavoidable, but rude and selfish behaviour does!

I am 26 weeks with DC4, our last. I have spent too long in various different hospitals over the years for c-sections/gynae surgeries including while pregnant and enough is enough. I told DH we are paying the £1750 or whatever it is (that we really can't afford, but it's my sanity) for a private room in the Knutsford Suite at Watford post delivery as I need an ELCS and the stay associated with it. I can't handle other people's rude and selfish behaviour any more!!

[pianodoodle]

Miaow I'd forgotten about the bounty woman. I got my revenge on her though by taking the bag of freebies and refusing to give her my address

Sorry to derail but that just reminded me I've only had one bounty pack this pregnancy is that all you get with a second?

I don't want the leaflets but I may as well have the mini sudocreme and a sachet of ovaltine if it's coming to me!

Times is hard

[MrsMook]

We had partners 8-9 and two shorter general hours.

DS1 was an EMCS. I spent the first 36hrs in HDU with a partner only policy and it was great that we could just be left alone. I like the freedom for partners to come in. After long sleepless nights on main ward, I was desperate for DH to get in for some company. There was a ratio of 14 patients per MW on main ward and a buzzer could be going for half an hour. I could barely stand and needed help. DS got dropped in the crib on his head as my strength failed me as I was reaching to put him in.

DS 2 was born in the early hours of the morning, and DH was allowed about 30 mins as I settled into the main ward before he had to leave. I was in about 36hrs. The second day, I barely saw him as he had to pick up DS1, then my discharge situation changed and it was going ahead earlier than expected.

Partners can be a very useful support for basic baby care when the mother is too weak. Tight hours for other visitors is good at protecting new mums from hoards of enthusiastic visitors. It is wearing have other peoples' crowds hanging round. People can party when they get home.