To think that visiting times on the postnatal ward are fine

[elliejjtiny]

Disclaimer: I've been stuck at home with puking DC for a few days so have more time to think about trivial stuff than normal .

Visiting times on the postnatal ward at my local hospital are partners all day (something like 9am to 9pm) and everyone else 2:30pm-5:30pm, 2 visitors per bed. No children except siblings of the baby and they can only come at normal visiting times. Children weren't counted in the 2 visitors rule thankfully so DH could bring our 3 older DC at once.

In NICU/SCBU parents and siblings are welcome anytime. Grandparents and other close relatives (not sure how they define this) can come 2:30pm-5:30pm but only with parents permission (this rule came in quite handy when MIL wanted to visit DS4 the first time I was allowed to go down to NICU after only getting a quick glimpse of him when he was born).

I was at a toddler group last week and some of the new mums/pregnant mums were having a whinge about how strict the visiting times are. Bearing in mind that most healthy 2nd+ timers are discharged straight from delivery suite so most of the women on the postnatal ward were quite poorly or their babies were.

I was in for 3 days recovering from c-sec and TBH I only wanted DH and the DC's to visit (antisocial emoticon). Because DH was looking after the DC's and DS3 in particular doesn't really do sitting still then I only saw him and them for 15 mins or so every day. I survived and so did the lady in the next bed who was also on her 4th DC so in the same situation. These women at toddler group were moaning that their friends children weren't allowed in and their friends were only allowed in 2 at a time. The mums of newborns had only been in for about 12 hours too .

TBH after a few of the other women's visitors had been pointing at me and speculating in loud whispers why I didn't have any visitors and why I didn't have a cot beside me I could have been quite happy to have all visitors banned (told you I was antisocial!). One of the other women whose baby was in NICU got her DH to bring in a big "it's a boy" helium balloon to show everyone that she had had a baby after a few nosy people asked if she was still pregnant and was the antenatal ward full?

IMO although it doesn't suit everyone I think there must be restrictions on visitors so that there is relative peace and quiet for new mums to recover.

[IceBeing]

Only crossed wires then viva sorry for the over reaction.

I think the most annoying thing in my own case was that DH was turfed out of a recovery room which we had to ourselves, I then spent only 1 night on a 4 person ward then into a private room but he still wasn't allowed to stay.

[grumpyoldbat]

ice I was very unwell after having dd1. In fact I was unconcious for the first few hours of her life. I had no feeling from the waist down for a prolonged period. My water and buzzer were placed out of reach, I had no food for 36 hrs(couldn't walk to day room to get it). I still wanted the visitors to fuck off. 50 people using 2 toilets, the unbearable echoing noise, the indignity, pain and physical difficulty not to mention danger of the only way to get out of bed half the time was me trying to climb over the bottom rail. Having to wait so long for the toilet because a visitors was reading their paper in there, no shower because the dads were in there.

The hell that was my stay in hospital was made 100 times worse by visitors. Not being able to get out of bed delayed the return of my mobility, having to be so concious of not elbowing the close by visitors made caring for dd even more difficult than the pain and my ill health already did, lying in a puke soaked bed because there wasn't enough room to move around the bed to change it, not being able to open up my bedside locker to get a fresh nightie after dd had puked all over me because visitors were pressed up against it, missing out on meals because the fit visitors could mobilise quicker than me and snaffled some for themselves, bursting my stitches in my desperation to get out the bed by climbing, painkillers taking 3 hours to get there because there wasn't enough room to push the trolley and the MW had to spend 90% of her time dealing with visitors rather than her patients. A filthy ward because the cleaners couldn't clean properly.

To me the answer is most definitely more staff and better trained support staff. Most definitely not OMFG No.

On the sexist issue, my SIL's fiancée had to leave the ward after visiting just like everyone else.

[DeckTheHallsWithBoughsOfHorry]

Bloody hell that would make anyone grumpy

[IceBeing]

I still think limiting to one designated visitor is the way forward.

Most people are only in for a day or so - can people really not wait that long to see the new baby?

[IceBeing]

I also still think that if the mother is unable to look after the baby, the next best thing is the father not a random over stretched midwife.

[Sirzy]

But ice there isn't space on the wards to accomodate doubling the amount of people staying over and it isn't fair to impose your relatives on others who are trying to sleep.

[Nanny0gg]

not a random over stretched midwife.

No, not over-stretched midwives. Enough midwives and properly trained support staff.

Maternity wards are about the mothers and babies not their families (on the whole). There isn't sufficient funding to make it work properly for all. Let's concentrate on the greatest need.

[BoffinMum]

I think only partners should be allowed on wards, and in addition siblings of the newborn for a couple of hours a day. Most postnatal wards are a complete circus. Plus visitors bring in grime and diseases. Get rid of them.

[neversleepagain]

YABU. It really depends on the situation and hospitals need to use common sense at times.

My twins were born at 34 weeks and spent 2 weeks in special care - 4 days in NICU, 4 days in SCBU and a god awful 6 days in transitional care, this is where you stay with them to establish feeding. In my case, BF.

There were 6 beds. I was the only one with twins yet had the same small space as women with one cot/stuff for one baby had. We couldn't afford for DP to have more than one weeks paternity leave and we decided he was saving it for when we were discharged from hospital. My mum was staying with us to help us out (she lives abroad) and was here for 8 weeks. Visiting time for my mother was 2pm-4pm and they wouldn't allow her to take the place of my DH's visiting times. I was recovering from a c section on a boiling hot ward with hardly any room for the 3 of us, one nurse who was often not about and I struggled. I also got an infection in my c section cut so was on antibiotics (three times). I cried a lot and had to try establish BF pretty much on my own. It was horrendous and I felt like a prisoner and couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there. For breakfast they served ONE weetabix, yoghurt and orange juice! I was feeding two babies and starving. My mum would bring hot food in for me in the afternoons.

So, hospital visiting hours are shit, in my opinion.

[VivaLeBeaver]

Chunderella. I'm sure you're right. I'm not important enough at all to be involved in that sort of stuff, leave it to the managers. But them "having rights" is something I've heard bandied about.

[grumpyoldbat]

The MW wouldn't be overstretched if they had adequate staffing as I proposed. Furthermore I'm convinced I'd have become physically able to look after dd 100% a lot more quickly if it hadn't been for the situation with too many visitors.

ice there just isn't the physical space to accommodate all these people on a ward in a practical sense. It negatively impacts on patient care and makes things worse.

[JugglingUnwiselyWithBaubles]

I think on the sort of ward I was on with 10 women and their babies you definitely couldn't just let partners stay overnight too.
Moving from open wards to private rooms would be great though -then partners could stay and help, or another person like the woman's mother or sister if partner needed at home for other DCs

And I do think there's a big difference between sharing your space with other women who've just had a baby too, and a bunch of random men as well.
Would be a nightmare!

[BigBirthdayGloom]

I found it hugely unnerving shuffling up the ward to the loo the morning after dd2 was born, exhausted, bleeding and sore and feeling as if I had to at least acknowledge the partners. As much as I would have preferred a private room, at least with just women overnight, you are with others who've just done what you've done. The local nct campaigners hailed it as a victory. I think that it would have been marvellous-if all women were in private en suite rooms. It was rushed through and badly thought out. My dh couldn't even stay overnight because of our other two dc and so I was alone, which I didn't mind, listening to purples chatting all night, which I did.

[IceBeing]

I still think people are conflating 'a designated helping person' with 'gangs of inconsiderate relatives'

At the moment the later is certainly a massive issue....

I must admit that even when not in the private rooms it was only 4 people to a ward. There would have been plenty of space for one extra person per baby. There wasn't space for the fecking hoards but as I said many times I don't think anyone should be having a party in the ward. Save it 24 hours till you get home.

[IceBeing]

Also the majority of women actually are fine looking after the baby. There is a minority that really aren't though. For that minority I think it would make more sense to allow the father to look after the baby.

[Sirzy]

Its not just about room though Ice, its about the noise and general availability of facilities.

[DeckTheHallsWithBoughsOfHorry]

IceBeing there's no guarantee that even a single designated person would be non-disruptive, let alone helpful. Alas.

[moominleigh94]

I disagree with one approved visitor the whole time. My partner is the baby's father, he should be there in the day/days following the baby's birth, even if he has to go home at night - but neither he nor I know the first thing about caring for and having a baby as this wasn't on the cards for a few more years, and I think after the birth I may need my mum there too for a couple of hours a day - I won't be inviting the entire world in, but there will be some people giving birth who are completely unprepared and very scared, and they want their partner to be there but sometimes they need advice from someone who knows a bit more of what they're talking about. That's why only one specified visitor throughout the whole time is a bad idea.

[DeckTheHallsWithBoughsOfHorry]

It occurs to me that women in abusive relationships need slightly different support. At my hospital there are posters and stickers in the ladies - if you need to speak to someone about domestic abuse you stick a sticker on your urine sample pot (red sticker on red lid so invisible at any distance) and the midwife contrives to get you on your own without arousing suspicion.

If partners are never off the ward, vulnerable women don't have a safe time to approach people who can help them.

Similarly, restricting visiting to a single named person would enable an abusive partner to forbid visits from the woman's supportive mother - because she isn't going to defy him and name her mother as her single supporter instead.

Not sure where I'm going with this - just some idle thoughts.

[grumpyoldbat]

ice you're forgetting just how noisy, disruptive, selfish one person has the potential to be. For example spending over half an hour im the patient toilet, threatening MW, eating the food meant for patients leaving them with nothing. I witnessed all of this. Yes I know other women could be like this but they have to be there and the partners don't.

I also agree with deckthehalls abused women need the opportunity to be alone. If a precedent is set for partners to stay overnight they will be placed in a very vulnerable position. You can't have one rule for one and one for another, that's unworkable.

[OddBoots]

I think we are united in saying that staffing levels on post-natal wards need to be higher, that should be the focus. If after that there is the scope for private rooms/separate wards so partners can stay if wanted then that's a bonus.

[Annonynon]

When my DH stayed in with me the midwives gave him a list of rules to follow, which were basically common sense and he would have done anyway but I'm sure if he'd been disruptive he'd have been asked to leave

Even then there were midwives who clearly didn't want him to be there (as well as those who were fine with it) but even they couldn't come up with another workable solution to caring for me and the baby so really what choice did we have?