To be negative about choosing single parenthood?

[Dixy30]

Hello

Think I am here.

Saw a good friend today who has another friend I know pretty well for about 10yr but am not an independent friend of and lives elsewhere.

Anyway this friend is 30 brought up by single mum & has hada douche boyfriend who already has other kids for a few years.

He always said u get pregnant, i end it and u never see me again.

So friend is now pregnant (was an accident not sure of details)& he is true to his word and gone. She is saying this may be last chance at parenthood (she is 30) and will live with her mum who will help.

I would never say this to the actual woman but I was very negative when I heard this. About the man too. This person is going to have such a tough time doing it alone I just feel so sorry for her eg will get virtually no maternity leave, is totally reliable on her mum etc.

What would other people do? I don't think I would have been able to have a relationship with this man from day 1 given his attitude.

You're not actually debating Wombles. You're just hurling insults

Did you bypass the massive list of studies?

I just wish you'd stop to think how your posts might upset someone who's feeling less confident about their situation as a lone parent.

My comments are aimed at those who choose single parenthood from the start (as I've already said). If they aren't confident in their choice to do that, beggars belief.

The way we bring up our children has a MASSIVE impact on society.

I absolutely agree, but you have yet to produce anything which gives me cause to believe that single parents necessarily do a "worse" job.

All bar one of your sources are either non-uk or from The Telegraph (so completely unbiased, then ).

The remaining one is looking at family dynamics. There is no reason why "family" has to be defined as one mum, one dad and the children. In fact, your own sources talk frequently of "father or father figure".

I accept the following is anecdotal: I spent many years living in deepest rural France. During the 1914-1918 war, virtually all the young men there were wiped out. There must have been many thousands of women left raising children singly. This evidently did not result in an entire generation of depressed, promiscuous or alcohlic people.

If your comments are aimed at those who choose single parenthood from the start then you shouldn't be misusing stats related to the breakup of a marriage and ignoring factors like poverty which as Ruby says are more to the point.

Nor probably offering the personal opinion of someone like Jill Kirby as proof.

If you like playing with stats what percentage of children in planned lone parent families suffer from the trauma of a marital breakup?

Question: Children from single parent households' main role model is their parent, but where do they see positive romantic relationships modelled? Is this not important?

Wombles I agree with everything you say.
These people do not answer questions and throw insults at you when you are stating things they do not agree with.

Its all about them and how they feel. One of the more recent posters listed ways her life is better than having a useless man around. Not thinking about the child is it. Even if a mans a useless partner they can be a great father.

Rather than answering questions or becoming involved in debates some of you are shutting posters down and being abusive. Very defensive.

Even if a mans a useless partner they can be a great father.

I don't see how? If they are a useless partner then they are by definition at the very best neglectful of their partner's feelings, needs and wants (ie selfish, lazy, etc) and at the worst abusive. This makes them a bad father.

It's possible they could be OK-ish once away from the relationship, but if they are rubbish at taking care of another adult, they are quite likely to be rubbish at caring for a child also.

wombles the point about a model for a spousal relationship has some validity, but if the children spend time with grandparents, uncles and aunts, etc, then they will get models.

Because some people can't maintain a relationship with a man they decide for selfish reasons to have a child. Their wants are more important than the child.

So you would prefer to be a single parent than bring up children in a happy healthy relationship with a great father?
Oh right.

No doubt but that wasn't the question.

Its all about them and how they feel.

Le sigh. So true.

Making the decision to enter parenthood based on loneliness and selfishness is not a good foundation for childhood.

if the children spend time with grandparents, uncles and aunts, etc, then they will get models

But their primary role model is sending the message that spousal relationships are unworkable and indeed, undesirable. Lonely futures for these kids.

I have chosen this path for myself

And your kids, you chose this for them too. It's not all about YOU.

Exactly wombles. Very selfish.

Ruby1080 But choosing a particular set-up whereby you knowingly deprive your child of a father is selfish and dare I say, cruel.

But their primary role model is sending the message that spousal relationships are unworkable and indeed, undesirable.

No, their primary role model is sending a message that there are many varied types of relationships and lifestyle choices in the world, of which a traditional marriage is just one of them. We are surrounded by single families, traditional families, de facto families and same sex families. All different, all equally as valid.

Hold on, I'm not the one choosing single parenthood here (I chose married parenthood). The onus should be on YOU guys whose chose single parenthood to show that you properly researched the implications of your choice prior to choosing it (remember, we're talking about a carefully thought-out choice here).

So, where is the research which shows that single parenthood by choice is better or as good as married parents??