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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious at DH for getting home at 6:40am this morning?

200 replies

polythenespam · 15/12/2013 09:57

I feel so annoyed with DH, I'm wondering whether I need some perspective.

He went out last night with people from work & finally rolled in, extremely drunk, at 6:40am. He has never come home that late before - we didn't discuss what time he planned to stay out until, but based on previously I thought it would be around 2am. He doesn't go out very often - this isn't a weekly occurence or anything like that.

We have a 2yo and so any notion of a family day has been written off now as he sleeps - and I'm left looking after DD all day. I have had very little sleep - probably around 2 hours - as I lay awake most of the night worrying about him.

To put my anxiety into context, last year DH suffered a serious head injury that could have killed him (not due to drinking I should add) & since then I suffer a lot of anxiety over his safety, whereabouts etc. Last night I rang him at 5:30 and asked him to come home; yet it was still over an hour until he did. He is also diabetic so I have good reason to worry if he is binge drinking as could trigger a hypo.

So, AIBU to be furious at him? I just feel that this isn't how you behave in a marriage with a young DC, rolling home in the actual morning. My dad never did this to my mum and I'm sure DH's dad never did either. It feels horribly disrespectful to me.

Or, do I just need to suck it up and deal with my anxieties?

OP posts:
Caitlin17 · 15/12/2013 14:06

LyingWitch agreed. I referred to accumulating brownie points to spend. I meant that in a light hearted sense of the other parent being cut a bit of slack, getting cups of tea on demand, not keeping score(you probably knew that)

BocaDeTrucha · 15/12/2013 14:08

jeansthatfit, you have put it perfectly in my opinion. If it had been prearranged, "I might get on one tonight and it could be a very late one, I'll make it up to you another day", things would be very different. But that's not what happened.

What if the ophad things planned today which meant leaving the dcs with him first thing in the morning when he was still shitfaced or totally hungover and as useful as a chocolate fireguard??

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/12/2013 14:15

Caitlin... I did. :)

antimatter · 15/12/2013 14:17

last time my ex came home around that time I learned he was having an affair, but I am sure in cace of your dh is just him not being able to control his drinking

Ubik1 · 15/12/2013 14:18

My first thought would be that he was with another woman.

blardy hell Hmm

It's once this year. It's xmas, FGS.

Cakebaker35 · 15/12/2013 14:25

I'd be mighty pissed off too, but more for the worry of not letting you know rather than anything else. He was thoughtless and stupid but beyond that it isn't worth being angry about - if he did this a lot then yes but once a year I think can be forgiven. Next time tell him to stay over somewhere for the night then you won't be lying there wondering when he will be getting home.

throwingstones · 15/12/2013 14:27

I just feel that this isn't how you behave in a marriage with a young DC, rolling home in the actual morning.

So if you're married with a single young child, you have to be in before midnight on a night out? Really? I don't even like going out drinking and most of the responses to this thread seem bizarre to me, if he was doing this several times a week that would be a problem, I really can't see the big deal over having a late night out once in a blue moon.

I'm not diabetic so I can't really comment on that side of it, but I suspect most of the posters arguing that side of it aren't either, so I don't see how it's their place to comment on how somebody who actually is a diabetic manages their condition.

Lizzabadger · 15/12/2013 14:29

He needs to be careful drinking with a brain injury. Alcohol is likely to affect him much more.

How's his judgement/empathy/self-control been since the injury? All might have been affected which might in part explain his behaviour (staying out so late without letting you know and getting so drunk).

Ubik1 · 15/12/2013 14:29

Everyone can behave like an idiot sometimes

Op has a right to be pissed off with him

But in the end it's a storm in a teacup, isn't it.

Ubik1 · 15/12/2013 14:31

I can think of about 10 men with very, very responsible jobs, many children who were in great, great pain last week afr overdoing it on a chrostmas night out.

Partners were Hmm

It's one night of the year. I will go out too at some point and he'll look after the DC.

SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking · 15/12/2013 15:47

I rolled in at half 4ish this morning. I have had four hours sleep and my son will be home in a couple of hours.

I am paying for it now.

I wouldn't have an issue with it. I've done it before and then had to look after son as ex has just dropped him off.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/12/2013 17:08

Yes, Sp but, as you're a woman, you'll do it in style and with broken glass in your feet... Wink

Cat98 · 15/12/2013 17:28

Yanbu, op.
I couldn't be with someone who felt this necessary, but even if it doesn't bother you (out drinking till all hours) ya still nbu because he didnt let you know where he was!

usualsuspect · 15/12/2013 17:35

If he doesn't do it very often I would be ok with it.

I don't think hes a prick.

intothenever · 15/12/2013 18:01

If it's a one-off I would let it go. I wouldn't let him lie in bed all day though, he would just have to parent on no sleep.

Rubybrazilianwax · 15/12/2013 18:02

I was home at 5am fblush] But DH knew it would be a late one for me. I haven't done an awful lot today either. But thankfully DH is a trooper and did Sunday lunch and brought me lot of tea. I will and have done the same for him. It's Christmas!

Ubik1 · 15/12/2013 18:03

Would some of you seriously break up a relationship because a a partner comes home really late (early) once in that year?

Really?

Rubybrazilianwax · 15/12/2013 18:05

Being up until that hour is probably the reason I didn't even type Xmas Blush properly

Joysmum · 15/12/2013 18:07

I don't see the problem? My hubby doesn't take the piss, he'd occasionally stay out, that's fine. He'd be fine with me being out too.

More than that, we'd both be happy for the other that the night was so good that it went in for so long.

Rubybrazilianwax · 15/12/2013 18:08

I can totally get that there are people who wouldn't be into late nights at all. But surely if your are with/married to someone those are the sort of things you find out about someone before you actually say I do.

verytellytubby · 15/12/2013 18:08

I got in at 6am this morning. Don't do it very often but needed to have fun with my old mates. I rang DH at 1am and said I would be home soon so he was a bit pissed off with me.

Our day hasn't been ruined. I had a sleep this morning then a power nap watching Elf with the kids. DH has cooked a lovely roast.

It obviously doesn't happen every week but sometimes I need to let off steam, dance all night and forget I'm a mum of 3.

SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking · 15/12/2013 18:08

Its not all fun. I'm soaking my feet in the bath as I type Sad

I'm glad I don't have no one to answer to when I stroll in Grin

Nanny0gg · 15/12/2013 18:10

Did those complaining about the OP having the temerity to set a curfew, miss the word 'agreed' ? As in, discussed and mutually decided upon?

goodgrief54 · 15/12/2013 18:12

yadnbu

PenguinsDontEatStollen · 15/12/2013 18:17

I would be fucking furious.

If you want to go out at night, fine. You check if the other has plans and minds being in, and off you go.

But, the following things are twattish:

  • Not giving you any update on where he was or how long he'd be;

-Making you worry. I would be out of my mind by 5.30. I'm amazed you didn't call at 2 given the history and expectations;

-Assuming that he could be out all night and abdicate all responsibility for Saturday as well (if you want Friday night and Saturday 'off' then that's what you discuss with your partner in advance).