Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just be bored of it?

233 replies

LimitedEditionLady · 15/12/2013 09:22

I am sure many people share my angst here.I am SICK TO DEATH of asking him to do one sinple job and it taking him seven days with my consistently reminding him to do it for it to get done.He does NOTHING in the house,no diy,nothing and the little jobs like just washing a cup he simply leaves for me.So i say to him yesterday " you know its getting really boring having to remind you constantly" so he tells me im boring for nagging him.Erm....I just asked you to do a simple job and you havent done it as per usual so that your fault is it not?I am just fed up of basically having to run the house,finances,sort out ds alone and looking after a 30 year old man like a teenager.He goes to work but apart from that he does nothing so why is everything my responsibility??aibu.

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 15/12/2013 16:59

I just hate the way they have to be told....

Nobody tells me me what needs doing, I just see what needs to be done and do it...

What do men find so hard about that???

capsium · 15/12/2013 17:01

Different yuckiness thresholds I guess, that and things seem to magically get done.

capsium · 15/12/2013 17:02

Btw once he has formed habit of doing some of these jobs you won't have to ask any longer.

Writerwannabe83 · 15/12/2013 17:27

Tomorrow I think I'm going to come up with a list of all the household chores and ask him when was the last time he did any of them.....

I'm ashamed to say I picked up his dirty clothes off the floor earlier - but I still only put them in the washing basket as opposed to the machine Grin I have done 3 lots of washing today and not one single thing in any of the loads has been his Grin

Do you know, he reuses dirty saucepans too. Say for example he warmed up some tomato soup today, he would then use the same pan tomorrow, without it having been washed up, if he was using it for soup again - he thinks that because it is being used for the same thing it doesn't really matter that it hasn't been cleaned....

NoArmaniNoPunani · 15/12/2013 17:36

I just hate the way they have to be told....What do men find so hard about that???

Stop with the generalising will you? Several of us have provided examples of our husbands who are perfectly capable of running a household as part of a team. It's not the fault of all men that you picked a dud one.

Writerwannabe83 · 15/12/2013 17:40

Be calm Grin

I'm not generalising, I'm talking specifically about the dud ones as that's the type of man this thread is talking about Smile

TinselTaTas · 15/12/2013 18:30

Oh nice...my dh is a dud is he, where do I apply for a refund?!

Original poster
LimitedEditionLady · 15/12/2013 18:36

Hey,thanks for replies.As for doing it all to be a happy family for kids,well what example does that show my son?I tell him im not happy and tell him the small things he could do to change that and he does nothing.That just makes me feel worse because I care about him and look after my family and he doesnt appreciate it one jot.I dont nag him but i feel like he takes the mick while he knows im running about like a mad person juggling everything.Hes just so uninterested,im kind of in partial denial.

OP posts:
Original poster
LimitedEditionLady · 15/12/2013 18:42

And yes if he ever rarely does something hes certainly doing ME a favour.Im also the default childminder.Im fed up.

OP posts:
capsium · 15/12/2013 18:48

OP I think your DH just needs to be more involved. What is he good at / does he like?

Could this cross over into any housework / child care. For example is he passionate about sport? Could it be his job to encourage enthusiasm in your children? Does he like good food? Could he choose a recipe to impress you every week with so you do not have to cook? Does he like saving the environment? Could he try different eco products for cleaning or doing the laundry?

Golddigger · 15/12/2013 18:55

I sort of have a mental list of things that should be discussed before people move in or get married.
Having seen numerous threads on mumsnet about this, I have realised that this situation needs to be discussed beforehand, in some detail.
But I do realise that a person can change and backtrack later down the line.

FraidyCat · 15/12/2013 19:07

I'm quite willing to accept that it is generally men who are messy. But, just to highlight the exception, I'm a man married to a woman, and have had a miserable 15 years of living in squalor. It is her mess. Prior to getting married, I lived alone for ten years in an immaculate home, despite spending virtually no time cleaning/tidying. I achieved this by not make a fucking mess in the first place.

If I ever interview a replacement for DW, there will be a trick question before I agree to live together. "How often do you think we should tidy the house?" An acceptable answer would be a suspicious stare, followed by "Why the fuck would there ever be a mess that needs tidying?"

Original poster
LimitedEditionLady · 15/12/2013 19:09

That made me smile fraidycat!
I dont mibd tidying up but i resent tidying and cleaning when he is not considerate that he should make an effort to not make more bloody work for me.

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 15/12/2013 19:22

FraidyCat - do you want to swap partners??

I bet your wife and my husband would make the perfect couple Grin

TheRobberBride · 15/12/2013 19:24

It is not a 'man' thing.

It is a lazy, disrespectful thing to do to someone you are supposed to love.

Don't underestimate how corrosive it is. I used to beg my ex to help me but he would either tell me he'd do it later or do it so badly that he might as well not have bothered (eg cleaning the bath but leaving cleaning product scum everywhere).

Coupled with his EA, I couldn't cope anymore and left. Is your DH disrespectful in other ways?

Original poster
LimitedEditionLady · 15/12/2013 19:36

I dont want to go in to detail but yes.im just alone.
I know im kidding myself yet im denying i know.Does anyone get that?

OP posts:
Famzilla · 15/12/2013 19:38

Not a 'man' thing at all.

I hate that kind of attitude, invented by spoiled little princes who think housework is below them and their harried wives with low self esteem who downplay such blatant disrespect.

I'm not DH's mother, I'm his partner and as such we do our equal share in running the house and raising our child. A lot of women died for our equal rights, and I'm not going to teach my daughter to kowtow to someone else just because they were born with a penis.

tallwivglasses · 15/12/2013 20:00

OP, you sound so sad. It's a sad situation. I lived with a guy like this once but at least he made me laugh and wanted (it didn't last long).

Isn't it amazing that so many of these entitled, domestically useless mummy's boys hold down responsible jobs, often involving finance, management, responsibility, can't pick up their own underpants?

This is totally a feminist issue, as has already been said. He thinks he's better than you. And if he just doesn't 'see' mess it's because his mind is on much higher, more important 'man' things. He totally believes that you should be his scivvy.

Stop doing anything for him. There will be some stuff you'll still have to do, unless you can cope with sinks full of dirty dishes for days, but do nothing directly for him. I bet you organise all the Christmas cards/presents as well? Remind him of appointments? Stop it.

Fingerbobs · 15/12/2013 20:08

Thank you FraidyCat, for a fine wine-out-the-nose moment. OP, I hope you can find the strength to know that you are worth much more than the way you're being treated right now.

Original poster
LimitedEditionLady · 15/12/2013 20:22

I know im worth more ive told him too believe me and he knows that yet we do the same circles.He says if he wasnt with me he would be the most depressed person yet being here doesnt seem to make him happy and in turn it makes me unhappy.You wouldnt know i felt like this if you knew me,you wouldnt have a clue.

OP posts:
ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 15/12/2013 20:23

Wow op I could have written this word for word today, its mamas spoilt boys, Mama only feels worth while if she has spoilt and miolly coddled her replacement DH son, and left him unable to look after himself.

Angry
Sallyingforth · 15/12/2013 20:27

He says if he wasnt with me he would be the most depressed person
Of course he would. He would have to look after himself, cook and clean, instead of being waited on hand and foot by you. He's onto a bloody good number and he knows it.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 15/12/2013 20:27

And yes if he ever rarely does something hes certainly doing ME a favour

Yep this is me too.

I have to ask and ask and ask, there are certain things I cant do or it sets of migranes...which then mean I cant do anything...so pretty serious....little things like wiping windows on the car....I have tried to make it into a routine, every sat am, just go and clean the car windows for me, to you know help keep us safe when I am driving?! Too big of a job....

how can women turn out men into the world like this?

NewtRipley · 15/12/2013 20:28

I think it is worth threatening a marriage over. Marriage is a partnership, a sharing of the load, physically and emotionally. It means caring about the other person. That's about as fundamental as it gets, IMO.

Original poster
LimitedEditionLady · 15/12/2013 20:31

That is kinda true about mamas boys,im amazed at the simple things he doesnt know and because he doesnt know how to do something he thinks its difficult or is not interested in trying it.It is partly because mama did it and partly because he cant be arsed to learn.I dont want to dislike him thats the thing,i want to be a happy family but that family isnt one in which mum is a skivvy and feels drained.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread