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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like I live in a completely different world to most mumsnetters?

237 replies

FloozeyLoozey · 14/12/2013 23:54

No one I know can afford to be SAHM. Wages over 20k are seen as damned good, not disparaged. Anything over 30k makes you well off. I don't even know where Lancashire's private schools are, or anyone who hires a tutor. Nannies are another urban myth that don't exist around here, it's all after school clubs and nurseries. I feel completely alienated from this place at times. Am I just a common northerners out of place on mn who should migrate to netmums, because the shockingly snobby attitudes at times tell me I should.

OP posts:
mrsjay · 14/12/2013 23:57

I am a northerner i dont have a nanny I dont even shop at waitrose Grin I don't feel out of place on mumsnet at all I guess folk just lead different lives doesn't mean you can't chat on a forum ,

TheFabulousIdiot · 14/12/2013 23:57

I'm a mumsnetters and earn below the national average (full time) in my job.

There are plenty of us here, and some who earn even less.

Just like in real life there are people who earn shitloads and people who don't and people who would rather live on one small wage than both go to work.

BuffyxSummers · 14/12/2013 23:58

I was with you until you got to netmums and snobby attitudes. There's loads of different people here who talk about loads of different things. It's not snobby for people to talk about things in the way it relates to their life and it doesn't make us common because it doesn't relate to our life.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 14/12/2013 23:58

Wow

I'm from the north, 20k is a good wage for me too, hardly anyone has a nanny...

but I don't see how you're being alienated. No-one is snobby Hmm

Just because you feel alienated because you have a different lifestyle and live in a different area doesn't mean people are being snobby when they talk about theirs.

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle · 14/12/2013 23:58

I'm Northern too and often wonder what world some people live in - cleaners, nannies, DPs who say the right thing all the time, baby on board badges - all alien to me!

MightyMagnificentScarfaceClaw · 14/12/2013 23:59

I am not a SAHM, don't earn £30k and haven't got a nanny, but I don't assume people who are any of these things are snobby. YABU.

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking · 14/12/2013 23:59

Same here, but it doesn't bother me TBH. We're not SE either, suspect that's partly the issue.

DevonCiderPunk · 14/12/2013 23:59

Your circumstances sound like mine (only with less pasties and cider)

I don't expect anyone to judge me for having limited means, and I don't judge anyone if they happen to be well off. It's all relative.

so yes, YABU

AgentZigzag · 15/12/2013 00:00

You're making the mistake of thinking a few posts can be extrapolated to the whole.

I'm a common northerner and this is the only place I don't feel such a round peg in a square hole that I avoid people like the plague.

It's OK to be snobby or wealthy on here, people are just speaking their minds.

It's also OK to tell them they're annoying the fuck out of you.

MN would grind to a halt if people didn't.

RoseRedder · 15/12/2013 00:00

I live in a council house

I have no money

I'm on benefits

There are loads of people just like me on this site Smile

mrsjay · 15/12/2013 00:01

I have a disability so i stayed at home with my children doesn't mean we could afford it though it has been a struggle not all sahm are languishing in luxury in fact I think a lot of parents who stay at home because the want to or need to isn't as rare as you think,

AgentZigzag · 15/12/2013 00:03

If I'm snobby about tons a couple of things, like those kinds of people wearing a onsie outside the house and not for charidy, does that make me 'A Snob'?

mrsjay · 15/12/2013 00:05

I am snooty about things too I think we all are, onises should be burned if they are worn outside

LadybirdSpots · 15/12/2013 00:05

I'm a full time single mum, had DS at 19 (am 23 now) am frantically searching for a job as I'm on benefits, and I definitely don't feel out of place.

Yes there are the occasional snobs, as there are anywhere, but I feel here that I don't get judged, and I don't think for a minute that the majority of MNetters are on huge wages, with a nanny etc.

I do like reading threads that talk about big wages etc though, it gives me even more of a drive to work harder and to provide a better life for DS & I.

Dilligufdarling · 15/12/2013 00:06

As per previous posters I don't think mn is particularly snobby or elitist or etc etc..
However, I think on mn as in life anything which is "other" or unfamiliar to you will stand out and strike a chord an you'll notice it more
That doesn't mean it's the overwhelming view or even particularly common.
Also as a side point I see "poor" people judging "rich" people one hell of alot more than the other way around.
Especially on mumsnet.

BlingBang · 15/12/2013 00:06

Have you always lived in the same town Op? Mostly kept the same friends from school etc? Would explain your thinking. You sound very snobby yourself.

concretebox · 15/12/2013 00:06

I live way way up in a council, oops - housing association, tower block.
I'm a single parent.
I have a child with an invisible disability.
I am totally dependant on social security benefits aka welfare.

I suspect my day to day life is beyond the ken of a lot of mumsnetters.

It's a great escape.

One day I may eat their babies to survive....

LadybirdSpots · 15/12/2013 00:07

Forgot to say, YABU.

mrsjay · 15/12/2013 00:08

and god sake that other forum is as snooty and judgemental as anything it used to really rile me how snooty and judgemental many of them were and about ridiculous things

AgentZigzag · 15/12/2013 00:10

Snooty, a much better word than snobby mrsj.

It sounds more expressive, like it has to have a cats bum face accompanying it (from the accuser and the snooty one).

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 15/12/2013 00:11

I'm a reverse snob, I always chuckle to myself when I read 'get a cleaner' Grin

PenelopePipPop · 15/12/2013 00:12

It is definitely true that some of the in-jokes which take the piss out of how the site is seen (wouldn't happen in Waitrose) and some v heated debates (like the private schools one) are irrelevant if you live on the average wage in this country. I'm not sure that is a North/South thing. £28k or whatever the average household income is won't pay for a nanny or school fees in Surrey either. It's just a low/high income thing.

But there is nothing wrong with asking for advice about your nanny if that is the kind of childcare you prefer and can afford, any more than the rest of us ask about childminders and nurseries. Mumsnet is for everyone and the beauty of it is there are so many users you can generally find someone in the same boat as you.

It isn't OK to say people who use nurseries rather than hire nannies aren't good enough parents, or you wouldn't want your child to eat food bought from Asda because it wouldn't be good enough for them. That would be a bit Katie Hopkins. I'm snobby about that sort of thing.

mrsjay · 15/12/2013 00:17

I do think snooty is a great word we all can be a bit cats bum faced

BlameItOnTheBogey · 15/12/2013 00:18

Actually one of the things I really like about MN is that there are people from all walks of life and backgrounds. As a site, it has challenged some of my own thinking and exposed me to points of view and positions which I may not previously have considered. It's given me a greater degree of empathy and understanding of others' situations and made me less quick to judge which has to be a good thing. So I'm glad that there is so much diversity here.

VonHerrBurton · 15/12/2013 00:19

Im a northerner. I stay at home fairly comfortably. We earn over 30k. I have friends with dc at private schools, one or two with nannies. One friend in this bracket sometimes doesn't sleep at night as they are massively in debt. School fees are in arrears, they are stretched to the limit with their mortgage and both of them work ft - they're just over committed.

However I also have friends who are totally skint, live from day to day, just about making ends meet.

Both sets of friends are lovely. They're not snobby or common, I my eyes. We're in the middle - no richman's trappings, but we manage. Eveyones problems are relative to their circumstances.

So I think YABU. You lost me at Netmums....