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Original poster

Help please on dealing with cruel colleagues during works christmas party

178 replies

chareli · 13/12/2013 21:43

Since I started in my job 6 years ago, my boss and second-in-charge have made cruel comments about me having body odour. They say it in a way that they don't exactly say my name, but I know theyre talking about me. The boss says something like "oooh, one of us didn't have a shower this morning", then the whole team (4 others) fall about laughing, even though theyre in their 50s and 60s and im only in my 20s. Once, I had been in bosses office and commented on how nice his and deputys dinners smelt, and as I left, I overheard the boss whisper to deputy "well, of course it smells nice, anything smells better than her!" and they both fell about laughing again.

I have asked friends and my family if I do smell. These people would tell me straight, but they say I don't smell. I even asked dp who would tell me straight up. He says I don't.

Now, the work Christmas party is coming up. We (team of 6) are all going out for high tea at a lovely place that I have wanted to go to for ages. Trouble is, I have been out in the past with them and each time the deputy has made a joke about my body odour at the table. Usually, its something like "gosh,, I don't know what would be worse, smelling like shit or smelling of b.o." Last time, she just started howling "b.o." repeatedly at the dinner table. She is 40 years old by the way. I was soooo embarrassed. It spoiled what would have been an otherwise lovely meal out as I really enjoyed the food.

What can I say if anyone starts this time? I don't want to be paying £40 to be insulted!

OP posts:
thenightsky · 13/12/2013 21:46

I just wouldn't go out with them. They sound like they belong in a playground. Twats.

HamletsSister · 13/12/2013 21:46

I think this is bullying and I wouldn't go out with them but would use the opportunity to contact the manager of your boss (or whoever) and make a formal complaint. In writing with dates, times etc. anything you can manage. You don't have to have reacted, you are being belittled and intimidated and they should lose their jobs. Even if you were smelly (and you are clearly not) this is no way for people to deal with a colleague.

WhoNickedMyName · 13/12/2013 21:47

I'd be giving the Christmas do a swerve and looking for a new job in the new year.

Binkyridesagain · 13/12/2013 21:47

I wouldn't be spending any of my time with them and I would also be reporting them for bullying.

BillyBanter · 13/12/2013 21:47

They sound like a bunch of cunts. I would not pay £40 to spend time with them.

Is there an HR dept? Does the big boss witness this?

On the subject of BO I would advise you to ask your GP. Get an evening appointment.

PieceOfTheMoon · 13/12/2013 21:47

Wow, what a bunch of absolute shits. You are being bullied and should not have to put up with this. Do you have an HR dept?

DRivingHOLMESforChristmas · 13/12/2013 21:49

Well, lets just make sure it isn't you first. Even though you say you have has close family and they say you don't smell - maybe they are used to it?

Do you wear anti persperant/perfume? Do you shower daily and wash your clothes often?

If thats all a yes then I'd say they are horrible cruel bastards who you just need to ignore. Or take it to HR?

I am a sweater and when i was younger (11-13) i used to honk but not smell it myself. :( Now i just make sure i shower regularly, always clean clothes on, perfume. Fresh!

ksrwr · 13/12/2013 21:49

Wow. I am TOTALLY shocked by this. I literally cannot get my head around people talking like this, especially at work. I really can't think of anything helpful to say, but I am hoping you've completely got the wrong end of the stick somehow?? Is there anyone at work you can ask to explain what is going on? I mean, maybe someone in your office really did have bad BO and you by co-incidence wear the same perfume? I am just struggling to understand anyone could be this cruel!

WorraLiberty · 13/12/2013 21:49

Why do you want to go?

Shallishanti · 13/12/2013 21:50

you have put up with this for 6 years??

Chottie · 13/12/2013 21:50

I would not go out with them either. Life is just too short to be picked on like this. This behaviour is just pathetic and immature.

SuburbanRhonda · 13/12/2013 21:50

OP, your "colleagues" are being nasty and childish and you are being harrassed in the workplace.

You need to speak to HR, or your union if you are a member. And start looking for another job - you don't need these shitty people in your life Sad

harticus · 13/12/2013 21:51

FGS get another job and get away from wankers like this.

DRivingHOLMESforChristmas · 13/12/2013 21:51

Oh by my posts it sounds like I am saying it is ok for what they are doing. But thats not what i mean! It totally is not and pretty awful for you i am sure. x

It is not on for them to be acting in this way but if you did have a problem they should go through HR.

We have a guy in our open plan office who reeks. Seriously reeks. No one says anything. I wish HR would take it up but it is a sensitive subject i guess.

Norudeshitrequired · 13/12/2013 21:53

Do not go out with them. Use the £40 towards a meal with your DP, you will enjoy it more.
They sound like they belong back at school.

CaptainSweatPants · 13/12/2013 21:54

I'm so sad that you've put up with this for 6 years :(
Has it been constant?
How can you stand working with these bullying immature people, let alone go out with them? :( I really hope you can find another job & report them ASAP

Poppyhat · 13/12/2013 21:54

I agree , not only would I not be attending the night out , I would be looking for another job .
These people are vile .
For your own sake , try to get the hell away from these vile and disgusting people.
They have a huge problem !! And it's not you !

crazyafterall · 13/12/2013 21:56

What a bunch of total and utter cunts.

Get the hell out of there away from those freaks.

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight · 13/12/2013 21:58

They sound like a bunch of cunts

When you shower btw, make sure underarms are completely dry before applying anti perspirant deodorant, speak to a doc if its still a problem they might find something or if not get you to use some deo with aluminium in it I think

gamerchick · 13/12/2013 22:01

I wouldn't go to the night out... but I would have started calling them on it a long time ago.

Everytime somebody says something ask them what they mean. Every.time... total poker face.

Bullys hate being confronted.. I would also look into a formal complaint. Log everything.

Poppyhat · 13/12/2013 22:01

And even IF you did have b.o, is that any way to treat another human ,they are shits and bullies .
Can't believe grown people behave like that !

CatThiefKeith · 13/12/2013 22:02

Definitely report them if you can op. In the meantime I think I would be tempted to come back with something like "oops, sorry, do I smell again? I think it must be all the sex. Not something you'd have to worry about these days I suppose though?"

What I've found over the years op is that usually, when people are horrible to you for no reason, it usually boils down to jealously. Are your colleagues older/larger/single/something else that you are not?

Either way, you are being bullied and either need to report them, call them on it, or find another job - good luck with whichever one you go with, they sound awful! :(

winklewoman · 13/12/2013 22:06

I am with DrivingHolmes on this. Certainly the way they are behaving is horrible. However your close family may well be used to your smell - and we all have our individual 'fragrance'. My regular perfume is 'Alien', lavishly applied, and anyone who knows it would agree, I am sure, that it is very strong. But I am so used to it that I cannot tell whether I have sprayed it on or not, and in the interest of the thread I have just asked DH if he can tell I am wearing perfume and after serious sniffing he says not. Try following DrivingHolmes' advice and see if the nastiness reduces.

TwinkleTwinkleNeverwhere · 13/12/2013 22:06

This is bullying and you should not have to put up with this. Can you raise a complaint? It is horrible way to behave.
A colleague of mine did have a bo problem and the boss had a quiet chat with them about it, issue resolved. I would not put up with colleagues behaving in such a nasty way to another colleague.

Vivacia · 13/12/2013 22:07

What steps have you taken to make sure you don't smell? I wouldn't want to give these nasty shits any excuse. I agree with the advice to call them on their snide comments.

I definitely would save my time and money to go with nice people or on my own. Why would you want to go with them??