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Original poster

Help please on dealing with cruel colleagues during works christmas party

178 replies

chareli · 13/12/2013 21:43

Since I started in my job 6 years ago, my boss and second-in-charge have made cruel comments about me having body odour. They say it in a way that they don't exactly say my name, but I know theyre talking about me. The boss says something like "oooh, one of us didn't have a shower this morning", then the whole team (4 others) fall about laughing, even though theyre in their 50s and 60s and im only in my 20s. Once, I had been in bosses office and commented on how nice his and deputys dinners smelt, and as I left, I overheard the boss whisper to deputy "well, of course it smells nice, anything smells better than her!" and they both fell about laughing again.

I have asked friends and my family if I do smell. These people would tell me straight, but they say I don't smell. I even asked dp who would tell me straight up. He says I don't.

Now, the work Christmas party is coming up. We (team of 6) are all going out for high tea at a lovely place that I have wanted to go to for ages. Trouble is, I have been out in the past with them and each time the deputy has made a joke about my body odour at the table. Usually, its something like "gosh,, I don't know what would be worse, smelling like shit or smelling of b.o." Last time, she just started howling "b.o." repeatedly at the dinner table. She is 40 years old by the way. I was soooo embarrassed. It spoiled what would have been an otherwise lovely meal out as I really enjoyed the food.

What can I say if anyone starts this time? I don't want to be paying £40 to be insulted!

OP posts:
Pepperandhotmilk · 13/12/2013 22:08

It doesn't actually matter if you smell...they are bullying you and harassing you and being bloody downright evil!!!! PLEASE report this..I am so angry about this, how DARE they do this!

They have targeted you and ganged up and made you the joke to be picked on and it is so, SO wrong! It does not matter one bit if you smell - they have NO RIGHT to abuse you!

Report these revolting little gobshites.

lollerskates · 13/12/2013 22:11

They are cunts and their behaviour is absolutely unacceptable. Even if you stank to high heaven, their behaviour would still be absolutely unacceptable. Do you have an HR department? And I know this is an odd question, but are you different from them in any other way, apart from being much younger?

I would also bet my bottom dollar that if it's just those 2 - the two people who lead the team - making the comments, then everyone else is almost as mortified as you are, and keep quiet about it because they're afraid of becoming targets themselves.

LaurieFairyCake · 13/12/2013 22:11

I've seen enough threads on here from
People asking how to break it to a colleague that they have bad body odour to know that people do not handle it well.

Be really, really sure that you don't have an illness that is causing you to give off an unpleasant odour.

You are showering and using antiperspirant deodorant every day?

All clean clothes every day? Don't live with a smoker by any chance?

NONE of it would excuse their horrible bullying and nastiness though - they are scum!

pigletmania · 13/12/2013 22:12

My goodness how old are tey, 5! I would not go out with ny of them, they sound embarassing. Go instead with your dh to that place. I would also go to HR and above your boss, this is bullying!

PumpkinPositive · 13/12/2013 22:13

What OP smells like is totally irrelevant here. She could smell like the sewers of Calcutta and this would STILL be an inexcusable, unforgiveable way of addressing the issue. Her colleagues sound barely human.

Poppyhat · 13/12/2013 22:14

Pepperandhotmilk
I couldn't agree more ,
B.o or not , these people are nasty.
I think you would be picked on regardless now , you are their target and nothing will change that . You have put up with this six years too long :-(

stgeorgiaandthedragon · 13/12/2013 22:14

The others are right; even if you did smell this is no way to deal with it. I manage people in my role, and I did have to have an extremely awkward conversation with a young man who had terrible breath and body odour. It was excruciating for me, never mind him, but I was just as direct and sympathetic as I could be, along the lines of - "Look, I know this won't be pleasant to hear, but I do need to tell you that you need to consider changing your morning routine regarding brushing teeth and showering. If you know that's all OK, a trip to your doctor might be needed."

It was dreadful, but needed to be done (it was bad!) and while it wasn't pleasant, it was the kindest way to be cruel. Their behaviour is just dreadful.

That said I do think it's unlikely it stems from absolutely nowhere - could be it from some years ago?

lollerskates · 13/12/2013 22:14

Do you wear anti persperant/perfume? Do you shower daily and wash your clothes often?

If thats all a yes then I'd say they are horrible cruel bastards who you just need to ignore.

Even if it was a no to every question, they'd still be horrible, cruel, immature, bullying fuckwits. If a member of staff has a personal hygiene problem this is not the way to go about addressing it.

TheUnstoppableWindmill · 13/12/2013 22:16

I also don't understand people like this. How horrible. If you're younger, are they jealous and trying to put you down?

pigletmania · 13/12/2013 22:16

I know, op smelling or not is irrelevant, they are nasty horrible individuals. Tat is not the way to address the issue!

LaurieFairyCake · 13/12/2013 22:17

On threads on here I've seen advice given including leaving deodorant on their desk Shock

Sending anonymous notes/emails Hmm

Sometimes there is really bad advice on here about sensitive issues

The direct approach sensitively done by HR/manager is fine but some people are going to be horrible

You really could complain about the bullying

KittensoftPuppydog · 13/12/2013 22:18

Fuck them off and go to this place with people you like.
Then get out of there. This won't do you any good. Let's face it, if you really did smell, normal people wouldn't deal with it like this.

PumpkinPositive · 13/12/2013 22:20

It does sound like jealousy.

OP, are you exceptionally pretty/slim/tall/blonde/good at your job? Now is not the time for modesty! Grin

Original poster
chareli · 13/12/2013 22:21

OMG, thanks so much for all your lovely support. Its really touched me. I don't think I smell, but maybe I do. Its not just them. Heard everyone else, but one of them say bad things about me smelling too. I do shower each day and also wear a fresh cotton top and trousers daily too. Perhaps I need to go to a doctor? I cant speak to HR because I know they joke about me with my boss and deputy too. In fact, I have overheard other bastard colleagues be nasty about me too and it absolutely devastates me to tears. I am terrified of applying for a new job because I am certain it will all start over again. In fact, there is a teenage boy who works at my local co-op who is lovely, but downtrodden and has a personal hygiene problem, and I have started thinking that despite my qualifications, I may be best off on the tills at the co-op as at least I would have found myself a kindred spirit. My self-confidence is in tatters thinking that the whole workforce of around 50 people think I stink.

OP posts:
BlingBang · 13/12/2013 22:23

Do people really behave like that - most bizarre!

travailtotravel · 13/12/2013 22:24

Are you in a union, OP? Or part of a trade association?
Or is your company part of a wider group?

Or could you wear a hidden camera and do a Panorama expose?

Original poster
chareli · 13/12/2013 22:25

I shower twice daily (once in morning, once at night as I am a larger lady and I just loooove the shower!) and all my clothes are never worn more than once without being given a wash and then I smell each armpit of each top as they're drying and they smell of lavender washing powder and softener only! I don't even get showered and put my fresh clothes on til half an hour before im leaving for work neither.

OP posts:
SinisterBuggyMonth · 13/12/2013 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
chareli · 13/12/2013 22:28

travailtotravel, I have thought about leaving a cassette recorder in my open handbag to record their nastiness, and then I can take them to a bullying tribunal and get sweet revenge, but I just want to go to work, do my job and go home with my head held high, but my head is dangling. I am even terrified of having to go to any other department incase they start laughing at me behind my back when I have left. I hate them :(

OP posts:
BlingBang · 13/12/2013 22:28

And even if you did smell OP, their behaviour is still awful and totally unacceptable. If it was such an issue, someone from your team or HR should have approached you sensitively to try and help.

PumpkinPositive · 13/12/2013 22:29

Would you consider applying for another job, Chareli? Workplaces can be a jungle but the behaviour of your colleagues is highly unusual among other things and probably not something you'll encounter elsewhere.

KittensoftPuppydog · 13/12/2013 22:30

Lovey, it's not you. Their souls smell.

gamerchick · 13/12/2013 22:30

There is a health condition that gives off a smell but not everybody can smell it. It's something to do with the body not being able to break down an enzyme or something. So people smell fishy like. A diet change is usually what's needed.

It's a bit of a long shot but it might be worth seeing your gp even if it's not put your mind at rest.

www.channel4embarrassingillnesses.com/conditions/fish-odour-syndrome/

A very long shot given what you've said.. I feel annoyed on your behalf at the way you're being bullied :(

Pepperandhotmilk · 13/12/2013 22:30

Charell, I used to be a teacher...I was hounded out of my job by three male teachers who made it their goal to make my life as miserable as possible. NOT ONE other member of staff stood up for me....well, one did but she left the school. The others were too frightened in case they would be next, i think. Easier to stand back and let someone else take the heat.

It scarred me so much, I left teaching and will never return. Now I work as a transcriber.

I look back and WISH I had stood up for MYSELF!! PLEASE report these disgusting creeps. They are an abomination to treat you like this. People like that can pull any old excuse out of their arses to be cruel...they can say you have BO, talk with a funny accent, have ginger hair, are cross-eyed...NONE of it matters. They make up their revolting minds to torment you and that's it.

TapDancingPimp · 13/12/2013 22:32

I can't believe what I'm reading!! Bullying by bosses and HR getting in on the act? This is vile, just beyond fucking vile!!

What kind of work/environment is it OP? If you don't mind me asking. Doesn't sound very professional.