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Original poster

Help please on dealing with cruel colleagues during works christmas party

178 replies

chareli · 13/12/2013 21:43

Since I started in my job 6 years ago, my boss and second-in-charge have made cruel comments about me having body odour. They say it in a way that they don't exactly say my name, but I know theyre talking about me. The boss says something like "oooh, one of us didn't have a shower this morning", then the whole team (4 others) fall about laughing, even though theyre in their 50s and 60s and im only in my 20s. Once, I had been in bosses office and commented on how nice his and deputys dinners smelt, and as I left, I overheard the boss whisper to deputy "well, of course it smells nice, anything smells better than her!" and they both fell about laughing again.

I have asked friends and my family if I do smell. These people would tell me straight, but they say I don't smell. I even asked dp who would tell me straight up. He says I don't.

Now, the work Christmas party is coming up. We (team of 6) are all going out for high tea at a lovely place that I have wanted to go to for ages. Trouble is, I have been out in the past with them and each time the deputy has made a joke about my body odour at the table. Usually, its something like "gosh,, I don't know what would be worse, smelling like shit or smelling of b.o." Last time, she just started howling "b.o." repeatedly at the dinner table. She is 40 years old by the way. I was soooo embarrassed. It spoiled what would have been an otherwise lovely meal out as I really enjoyed the food.

What can I say if anyone starts this time? I don't want to be paying £40 to be insulted!

OP posts:
PenguinDancer · 13/12/2013 22:32

Also not condoning the horrendous behaviour

My boss smells, but it is actually her breath. It is horrendous, I can't stand it if she is in our office for too long but she has her own office. She's lovely, I would never make fun of her. I'm also not a bitch so I wouldn't even if she wasn't lovely.

Do you floss daily, brush morning and night and have all teeth sorted?

Yes yes to the above and with what you say about showers and clothes then you can't possibly smell bad.

CailinDana · 13/12/2013 22:33

You poor thing. It's really hard to read your posts. What a nasty bunch of childish idiots you work with.

You are worth ten of any of those low life bullies. You must have massive restraint to have gone six years without punching one of them.

New year, new start. Time to tell the whole pathetic bunch of them to fuck off.

FeisMom · 13/12/2013 22:33

Chareli your colleagues are nasty twats, please report them, you should not have to put up with this

SinisterBuggyMonth · 13/12/2013 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TapDancingPimp · 13/12/2013 22:36

Report them to whom though? Her whole environment sounds like an unsympathetic bunch of c*s!

pigletmania · 13/12/2013 22:40

Charlie is it because you are large that theyare doing ths, woud tey be doing this if you were a Kate Moss lookalike! I would most definitely look for another job, the company sounds awful

ZillionChocolate · 13/12/2013 22:40

This is miserable, you poor thing. I think I'd book an appointment with a GP just to give you some peace of mind.

pigletmania · 13/12/2013 22:41

I would hand in my notice if you don't get any ware, this will do you no good

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 13/12/2013 22:42

This is clearly bullying at work. Could you ring ACAS for some advice on how to deal with this officially? I've never used them myself but heard good things about them on here.

Definitely look for a new job. Honestly, not everyone in offices are like that, I promise Smile.

Pepperandhotmilk · 13/12/2013 22:46

There has to be a 'big boss' who isn't intimidated by these creeps that she could go to, surely?? Even when the boss is the one doing the bullying, there have to be ways around it?? As for HR...go to your union!

I remember my GP saying my bullying was the worse case he had ever heard of...when I put that to the ringleader headmaster, he almost crapped himself. He was so afraid of people/parents of his pupils in the community knowing what he was really like.

TrickyBiscuits · 13/12/2013 22:48
Hmm
AdmiralData · 13/12/2013 22:52

Their noses are too close to their mouths.

If anyone EVER says anything about you within earshot again simply ask them if they were aware they were being cunts.

x

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 13/12/2013 23:02

Pepperandhotmilk this is so off-topic but can I ask how you got into transcribing and how you find it? I am a teacher not very happy in my job and have been considering transcribing as an alternative so I would be really interested to know anything about it.

OP, your colleagues sound appalling and it doesn't sound worth going to the Christmas party with them - go to the nice restaurant with your dp another time. Their cruelty is astounding, not to mention their staggering immaturity. I hope you find a resolution - please don't think working in co-op is your only option as I am sure you would not encounter people like these in any other workplace. Good luck.

DRivingHOLMESforChristmas · 13/12/2013 23:07

I see you say you shower twice a day and clean clothes etc etc
Do you also use deoderant/anti persperant?

I actually find cotton tops make me sweat/small a lot faster than any other fabric!

Sounds like a horrible situation for you though. Especially if HR are awful too but I would still go to them and raise your issues with them. They have to help you.

tracypenisbeaker · 13/12/2013 23:08

I think it is likely that you have some sort of body order that you perhaps cannot smell yourself- I have been down that road myself. As a teenager, I would see really milk the wearings out of my school uniform as I thought I smelt fine, when really I was accustomed to my own smell, and was just masking the smell with Impulse, not realising that it wasn't actually an anti-perspirant Blush. I know you are saying that you are vigilant with your hygiene (I know I wasn't!) but the point still stands about not being aware. I would say to go to a GP, so that they can find out the real problem.

All that aside (because I realise that I sound like a total victim blamer), there is no excuse for your colleagues to act like heinous dick-heads. It would be much kinder if someone was to take you to the side and said 'I don't want to offend you, but I think there may be some underlying problem regarding body odour, which I know is through no fault of your own as I know you take pride in your appearance. I just wanted to give you a heads up because I am worried you weren't aware or someone said anything nasty out of the blue.' Hard to hear, but so much kinder than making you the butt of the jokes Sad

stayanotherday · 13/12/2013 23:10

Horrible, rude and unprofessional for grown people to behave like this. I feel like hitting them. I wouldn't go. I'd say I have something else on like a date with your partner or a friend and then come in the next day boasting about the great time I had. They'll hate that.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 13/12/2013 23:15

OP do you sweat frequently, if not, then dont use antiperspirant, soap or the like, because it can make any odors worse, just use warm water, and see if that makes a difference.

Pepperandhotmilk · 13/12/2013 23:23

Hi Jelly I sent you a pm (I hope). If you don't receive it (I'm a douche with things like that) then no worries I will just fill you in briefly here if OP doesn't mind.

TheBlackPanther · 13/12/2013 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

drudgetrudy · 14/12/2013 00:17

There is nothing wrong with you - there is a lot wrong with them. You need to get out of that environment as soon as you can. They are immature rude and pathetic and this is going to really affect your confidence. Report it if you can but with HR involved the whole organisation sounds completely dysfunctional.

Tapiocapearl · 14/12/2013 01:20

I think you need to go to your GP directly after work one day without cleaning yourself up and ask him directly. He may w able to help you? Also try longer washing machine cycles and a different laundry powder.

The gang bulling behaviour is totally unacceptable. I would reply to the email about the lunch saying you would love to attend but you have decided not to as you were so badly bullied last time and it ruined what should have been a nice celebration.

Lastly if you do actually smell, it would be far more professional for someone to have had a quiet yet kind word with you. Mentioning it in a caring discrete manner.

Tapiocapearl · 14/12/2013 01:22

Keep a log. Start writing it down with times/dates etc. write a log of what has happened previously.

Tapiocapearl · 14/12/2013 01:23

What kind of workplace do you work in? Really abnormal behaviour.

ThatVikRinA22 · 14/12/2013 01:53

no matter what their behaviour is reprehensible. they are stupid immature idiots - if there is a problem with your body odour they should address it tactfully and not like this.
i have a son with aspergers - very bright, has a job - but refuses to wear deoderant and often refuses to clean his teeth.

i cringe - and part of me wants someone else to say something to him so that he realises its not just me nagging - he thinks it is. when i ask if he used deoderant he says yes - even if its in another room and not been touched....drives me insane. i almost want someone to tell him to use the bloody stuff....until that day comes he wont believe me that he needs to use it because its antisocial not to,

check fully with people who will answer you honestly that you dont smell.
i do tell my son but he chooses to ignore me.

its hard to tell someone - i worked with a girl with a problem - she wore dirty clothes and lived in squalor - also had special needs yet was intelligent and capable - just didnt care or didnt notice.

there is absolutely no excuse for the way your colleagues are behaving - i would not go to the xmas do - they sound horrible. im not going to mine for similar reasons - i have to work with them but i sure as hell dont have to socialise with the bunch of cunts.....

raisah · 14/12/2013 07:17

Film/record them insulting you discreetly on your mobile & make a formal complaint. As someone upstream advised, make a note of time and dates and present this to the main manager. If they are not supportive of you, then play back the recording as proof. You wont be able to use the recording in a formal disciplinary procedure but you will atleast prove that you are not lying. Also speak to ACAS to get some advice on how to proceed.

m.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=2042