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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go to the work Christmas party and leave my pfb?

198 replies

BocaDeTrucha · 12/12/2013 10:55

At my weekly breastfeeding group yesterday, I mentioned going to my works Christmas dinner. It felt like a tumbleweed moment and was meet by a barrage of "oh I couldn't leave xxx for that long", "I'm just not ready yet" etc etc. Ds is 12 weeks and bf with the exception of one bottle before bed which dp always gives him. I left him alone with dp when he was just 3 weeks to go shopping and to have a bit of space and left dp with bottles of expressed milk just in case.

I know each parent is different but am I really doing something so wrong leaving my pfb for 3-4 hours and should I be feeling more attached?

OP posts:
Whistleblower0 · 12/12/2013 23:28

Go go go!! You'll have a great time. mothers who dont have any life outside of the family unit are dull dull and dullerSmile

roofio87 · 12/12/2013 23:35

I left D's at 8 weeks for a girly day and night out. I love him very much but it was s nice to get away and feel like myself again and not just a mum!!

IThoughtThat · 12/12/2013 23:40

YANBU for going. You are leaving you PFB with his Dad. FFS Grin I don't get the line that dads are less capable than mums. I know they struggle with the breastfeeding side of things but that's not a biggie for a few hours.

I hope you have a fab time.

IThoughtThat · 12/12/2013 23:43

Btw I also think that if mums dont want to leave their PFB then that's ok too. Each to their own, there is no need to leave your babies if it causes you too much stress. Grin it might be a bit PFB but it doesn't really matter and they will grow up soon enough.

BrianTheMole · 12/12/2013 23:44

Hell no. Go and enjoy yourself. I went out when dd was that age. I thought it would be hard, but it wasn't. It was a great night.

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle · 12/12/2013 23:46

What about dads who want some time on their own with their baby though IThought?

Whistleblower0 · 12/12/2013 23:47

OP, i hadn't read your opening post properly. I see it was at at BF group that you were at, that you had some negitive vibes about leaving your baby to go out for the evening..
What a surprise. Grin
The most joyless fuckers i have ever had the misfortume to meet were at a BF group many years ago that i went to once

LilyTheSavage · 13/12/2013 08:14

Congratulations on your baby. YANBU to leave your pfb with dp. Why would you chose to have a baby with somebody you couldn't trust to leave the baby with? You definitely deserve some time to enjoy yourself as an adult and a person in your own right as well as being a mum.

Make sure you find time to plan something gorgeous to wear as well and have a lovely evening. Xmas Smile

crunchybargalore · 13/12/2013 08:18

I will not go to mine because I am working really long hours and do not want to leave my baby from 6am to 1 am because it would be too uncomfortable for my breasts as i am bfing.

However, I get the opposite like I am some party pooper - even though I will be working the next day as well.

Do what you want to do OP!

SatinSandals · 13/12/2013 08:20

I never understand why someone has a baby with a man they can't trust or why they are so selfish as to never give him time alone. (Or why the man lets himself be sidelined into extra child)

Tailtwister · 13/12/2013 10:12

Just because someone doesn't want to leave their baby, doesn't mean she doesn't trust the father or is selfish. What a ridiculous thing to say Satin! It's perfectly normal not to want to leave your baby and lots of people would rather not go out and leave them. It's not being a martyr and it's not being PFB either.

I understand why OP is upset if people were criticising her for going out, that's not on at all. She should absolutely go if she wants. However, the nastiness expressed on this thread towards people who don't want to do that is horrible.

puntasticusername · 13/12/2013 10:12

Satin You're very, very wrong to assume that the cause of such behaviour is always selfishness or lack of trust in one's partner.

That's all.

hoboken · 13/12/2013 10:18

The umbilical chord is cut at birth. Do not feel a shred of guilt for having a couple of hours or so to go out and have have fun. Your PFB has two parents and clearly your DP can care for him. Enjoy the night out!

Lots of MNers have Ps and Hs who do nothing to care for their children - parenting is for sharing if at all possible and you sound like one of the lucky ones.

Cat98 · 13/12/2013 10:37

Op, YANBU but - wtf is with all the horrible judgy comments about breastfeeding groups? Generalising much?
Give it a rest, some of us have more intelligence to know that in all areas of life there are wankers and there are nice people. Including breastfeeding groups.

Screw those fuckers who give up their time to offer stressed out new mums some support and a lifeline Hmm

Lj8893 · 13/12/2013 10:55

But is there such a thing as formula feeding groups?

I am all for groups that support new mums etc but one based on how your feeding your child seems quite exclusive to me.

Cat98 · 13/12/2013 10:59

Why would one need a formula feeding group?

Cat98 · 13/12/2013 11:00

And why does their non existence give anyone a right to make such horrible comments 'joyless fuckers' was one charming quotation.

Showy · 13/12/2013 11:05

Well I must be a martyr or a moron or dh must be an infant or untrustworthy. Because there's no way that it's just a case of different things being right for different people. I mean my decision not to go out and leave my dc when they were babies can't be respected as my decision. It must be mocked and derided. I probably shouldn't mention that I'm a BFing peer supporter either should I? Because the groups I go to aren't about matching t-shirts and judging people but supporting women who really are struggling with bfing.

I think you should do what's right for you. Go out if you want to, stay in if you don't. It's probably kind not to mock other people's choices in order to defend your own though.

OP have a bloody brilliant time.

Lj8893 · 13/12/2013 11:05

Ok, yes I agree that some of the comments were not very nice. But I agree with the comments that its bizarre to have a group based around how you feed your child.

Would I not be able to attend such a group because I am not able to breastfeed my child?!

Formula feeding mothers may still need support you know!!

Lj8893 · 13/12/2013 11:05

Ok, yes I agree that some of the comments were not very nice. But I agree with the comments that its bizarre to have a group based around how you feed your child.

Would I not be able to attend such a group because I am not able to breastfeed my child?!

Formula feeding mothers may still need support you know!!

Showy · 13/12/2013 11:07

Oh joyless fucker.

I'll add that to the list.

This is a lovely appraisal. I'm updating my CV. Grin

Gileswithachainsaw · 13/12/2013 11:09

Maybe a group would be seen as promoting ff whic is illegal. I'm sure I've seen on here that in some hospitals try won't even tell you how to make up a bottle or provide it Confused

Cat98 · 13/12/2013 11:10

There are many postnatal groups for new mothers. Bf groups exist for a variety of reasons. Often they are a lifeline for people struggling with bf. cultural attitudes play a part - people often don't feel confident feeding in public. It's great for them to have a safe (supposedly non judgy) haven where they can learn the best way for them.
Sometimes the supporters are people who have been there and they can really help offer support as for a mum struggling with bf the world can be a very lonely place.
I could go on and on.
They are bit doing you any harm by existing. Live and let live :)

Cat98 · 13/12/2013 11:11

'Not' not 'bit' - DYAC Grin

Showy · 13/12/2013 11:11

Lj, what is it the formula feeding mother needs support with? Because breastfeeding support is aimed at helping with what can be a very difficult and fraught time. It's a specific thing, aimed at addressing a specific problem. It's like complaining that Dorothy Perkins is penalising men because it only sells women's clothes. Or your local hardware store doesn't sell rugs. No. There are other shops available.

There are plenty of new mother support groups aimed at all women. The need for bfing support groups arose because the support isn't available in more generalised groups and bfing can be very difficult for some women.