Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go to the work Christmas party and leave my pfb?

198 replies

BocaDeTrucha · 12/12/2013 10:55

At my weekly breastfeeding group yesterday, I mentioned going to my works Christmas dinner. It felt like a tumbleweed moment and was meet by a barrage of "oh I couldn't leave xxx for that long", "I'm just not ready yet" etc etc. Ds is 12 weeks and bf with the exception of one bottle before bed which dp always gives him. I left him alone with dp when he was just 3 weeks to go shopping and to have a bit of space and left dp with bottles of expressed milk just in case.

I know each parent is different but am I really doing something so wrong leaving my pfb for 3-4 hours and should I be feeling more attached?

OP posts:
MrsDeanAmbrose · 12/12/2013 12:14

I had 2 nights out when PFB was 4 weeks old. It does DH and DS good to have time together without me.

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 12/12/2013 12:15

My god these poor martyred women.

When my son was 13 days old I left him with his dad and my step dad while my mom and I went to see The Vagina Monologues!

To be fair, I didn't BF. But still... Go and have fun!

mrsjay · 12/12/2013 12:26

My dds friend has a newish baby and she is going out with some of the girls from school tonight dd said the girl is getting grief on facebook for going out Shock what gives folk the right to say these things

Doingakatereddy · 12/12/2013 12:30

Oh just go out! The whole 'I couldn't possibly leave darling pfb' is just tosh.

Women in France and US are back at work at 12 weeks, hell women in UK are back after 2 weeks.

Give baby a bottle (expressed, formula, whatever!) and go out!!

Oblomov · 12/12/2013 12:36

These type of mothers really piss me off.
Your son is 3 months old.
God forbid you are not joined at the hip.
'Oh I couldn't let anyone else take him out for a walk in his pram. Oh I can't leave him with dh'. As if dh is incompetent and unloving.

These women are total morons.
They make me so angry.
Are they insinuating that you love your child less than they do?

Please, PLEASE go. for a few hours. Big deal. And make sure you have a good time.

StanleyLambchop · 12/12/2013 12:38

Do it! I left my 4 week old overnight with my Mum, no particular reason other than I fancied a night of unbroken sleep and she offered to help. Last time I looked my now 11 year old appeared to be completely untraumatised. And I suffer no 'Bad Mum' guilt.

EasterHoliday · 12/12/2013 12:38

hahaha oh my I hope you find some less martyred baby pals soon. Go, enjoy it - they wish someone was cooking for them while someone looked after the baby
(I went to an awards show at 5 weeks and a wedding at 7 weeks. Was like a military operation getting out of the door and back, but it was fun. You're still YOU and not simply a mother now. It's an extra to you, not a substitution)

peppinagiro · 12/12/2013 12:40

Give baby a bottle (expressed, formula, whatever!) and go out!!

Doing - lots of babies won't take bottles. Mine would, until 4 months, then just refused. Sippy cups too. And it's not a case of 'if she got hungry enough...' - no, she'd just scream. The one time I went out for 2 hours she screamed the place down and I got summoned back. i'm pretty sure anyone returning to work after 2 weeks wouldn't be bf so they would be unlikely to have problems with a bottle refuser though.

I've never been able to express enough to leave her for long anyway. I've not managed to get away for more than 2 hrs in 6 months, but that's just cos my baby is who she is. I'm attempting a trip to the hairdresser on Saturday though :)

NotYoMomma · 12/12/2013 12:42

its like when they dont let their children sleep at their own grannys house, the nrp house when they are like 4 years old... its just a bit sad really.

I left dd1 at 6 weeks because honestly... I had to see the hunger games...

dd2 is 6 weeks next week and I am going for a meal with in laws and then to see the hobbit :D

being a mother is amazing, I love it, but its not all I am. plus, I firmly believe that people are social creatures, we love to gather and interact and go out and spend time together, why would you stop your kids having those experiences?

kevinsmum · 12/12/2013 12:43

GO! Get out and enjoy yourself, and spare a little pity for those other mothers who think their acceptance of being merely a feeding machine should be the way everyone lives. Be a woman, not an appendage!

Tailtwister · 12/12/2013 12:43

YANBU to go out OP. Do it and have fun!

I don't think women who say they can't leave their babies are martyrs though. Lots of babies won't take bottles (neither of mine would) and would cluster feed in the evenings. I think some of the critical posts on here are quite nasty tbh.

StanleyLambchop · 12/12/2013 12:44

I do confess to having had one bloody awful day when I considered asking the postman to look after my baby for a few minutes whilst I went into the garden to scream- but I did not actually do it. My DD & I have a laugh about it now!

Gileswithachainsaw · 12/12/2013 12:44

mrsjay that's awful.
Being a mum doesn't mean you can't go out. People are just bitter because they won't leave theirs or won't out their baby down and think because thy haven't got anyone to look after their baby that everyone else should be unable to put their baby down or get a baby sitter too.

Sour grapes that's all it is. The babies have hand parents and fathers who are perfectly capable

NotYoMomma · 12/12/2013 12:45

men don't get this shit do they

grrr argh....

Gileswithachainsaw · 12/12/2013 12:46

Grand

happyyonisleepyyoni · 12/12/2013 12:51

Go and enjoy yourself.

The others may be too sleep deprived, have bottle refusers, etc or just be daft but if you feel up to it then go. I went out in the evening a few times from when DD was 6 weeks old, but then the 4 month sleep regression put paid to that for another year or so!!

cory · 12/12/2013 12:51

I always felt it was a great benefit for dc that they did have such a secure attachment to their dad that being left with him was no different from being left with me. It wasn't about being less close to them; it was about him being equally close to him.

Lj8893 · 12/12/2013 12:55

Oh and not only am I going out Friday night and leaving her with dp, my mum is taking her out for the day on Saturday so I can deal with my hangover in peace

Mutley77 · 12/12/2013 13:23

Count yourself v lucky you have a competent and supportive partner and go! I have always trusted my Dh with our 3 babies from newborn and he has never let me down. If he knows I am feeling stressed/anxious about leaving them he follows my instructions to the letter!
If you are similarly confident you don't need to worry. Quite likely the other mums you spoke to don't have that luxury. A happy mummy is a good one obvs as long as babies needs are being met ;)

doodahwhatsit · 12/12/2013 13:23

have fun :)

i did this at 6 weeks with pfb, so much busier with DC2 that we have´t got into expressing at 4 months and I want an x-mas do :(

Ragwort · 12/12/2013 13:36

I had exactly this when my baby was about 10 days old - DH and I went to a local party in our village (about 5 minutes walk away from our house) - my mum was staying with us, I was breast feeding but felt confident I could leave my baby for a couple of hours or I would easily have been able to come home if he woke.

Another woman looked at me as if I was mad and asked me 'how I could possibly leave such a tiny baby'. Hmm. I needed some time away, fortunately I am confident and just laughed it off but I do think other women can be really horrible to each other. I am sure a man would never say such a thing.

JinglingRexManningDay · 12/12/2013 13:48

Go,have fun and tell us all about it Grin

I had to go back to work when dc1 was 4 weeks old. I had rent to pay,a child to take care of and an abusive excuse for an ex who upped and left leaving no forwarding address. I was gone from 7AM until 5:30PM Monday to Friday. DD is well adjusted,no obvious trauma,we're really close and she doesn't hold it against me.

sewingandcakes · 12/12/2013 14:01

YANBU. Go out and have fun, it's good for your mental health to have some time to yourself .

FeetUpUnitilChristmas · 12/12/2013 15:02

YANBU, you are leaving your PFB with his parent not abandoning him with a stranger, it sounds like your DH is hands on so no issues at all.

By the time mine were 12 weeks old I was back working full time (my choice), to be fair neither took to BF so we FF but if yours happily takes a bottle then I really can't see a problem.

DH and I really shared parenting when ours were young as we were both out of the house for around the same number of days, our DC have grown up to be independent young adults who are emotionally connected to both parents.

Ragwort · 12/12/2013 15:11

I think it is incredibly insulting to fathers to assume that only a mother can take care of their own child.

Swipe left for the next trending thread