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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go to the work Christmas party and leave my pfb?

198 replies

BocaDeTrucha · 12/12/2013 10:55

At my weekly breastfeeding group yesterday, I mentioned going to my works Christmas dinner. It felt like a tumbleweed moment and was meet by a barrage of "oh I couldn't leave xxx for that long", "I'm just not ready yet" etc etc. Ds is 12 weeks and bf with the exception of one bottle before bed which dp always gives him. I left him alone with dp when he was just 3 weeks to go shopping and to have a bit of space and left dp with bottles of expressed milk just in case.

I know each parent is different but am I really doing something so wrong leaving my pfb for 3-4 hours and should I be feeling more attached?

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 12/12/2013 19:44

Go out enjoy yourself,Can't see the problem
There's always some hippy who advocates strapping infant to you 24-7
And they'll tsk at the thought of muthagoddess galavanting whilst your baby is cast aside in favour of baubles and socialising

comemulledwinewithmoi · 12/12/2013 19:52

Pmsl at SM??

scottishmummy · 12/12/2013 20:01

a breast feeding group sounds ghastly,I can't imagine meeting based upon mode feeding
I was not defined by how I fed my weans,and can't imagine I'd join a bf group
I'd prefer to meet some like minded folk who are a laugh and I can relax with

annieorangutan · 12/12/2013 20:03

I agree with sm. Cant imagine meeting anyone who is a barrell of laughs at a breastfeeding group. At the one in my town they all wear matching breastfeeding t shirts Hmm

scottishmummy · 12/12/2013 20:10

Matching tshirt?i can't see I'd need to declare my feeding mode on a tshirt
Nor do I wish to associate in a group all dressed the same as me
The bf group I knew all bitched about the mums who didn't bf and congratulated themselves they didn't resort to chemical soup

Lj8893 · 12/12/2013 20:15

Matching tshirts!!!!!!!

mrsjay · 12/12/2013 20:18

T shirts were they a pair of boobs Grin

I know a very nice girl who wears the badge of her breastfeed support group on her baby changing bag Hmm

annieorangutan · 12/12/2013 20:21

Its the logo of our local breastfeeding group on a really horrible white t shirt and they meet up in different places in town.

meganorks · 12/12/2013 20:22

I never understood people who couldn't leave their babies overnight let alone a few hours. Particularly if its with their dad!!
That said, I am off out tomorrow for few hours leaving dd2 with dad. She is a terrible sleeper and bottle refuser. Plan to feed as much as possible, get her to bed, then leg it!

scottishmummy · 12/12/2013 20:35

I was desperate to get out after first few weeks.talk about something other than baby,feeding,poo
Actually craved to have a conversation about telly,general inanities and not baby related
I hade no qualms,and wouldn't have been deterred by anyone else misgiving

monicalewinski · 12/12/2013 20:42

I'm having a lol at sm's no nonsense posting.

Do you never handwring??!!

mrsjay · 12/12/2013 20:44

I love meganorks legging it approach Grin

scottishmummy · 12/12/2013 20:53

Handwringing?as in worries and what's ifs,hell yes.to the extent it's an incumberance.hell no
You know risk,you try minimise it.but cannot extinguish risk and sometimes need positive risk
But no I'm not an overt handwringer,I know how to reality check and get on with it

Original poster
BocaDeTrucha · 12/12/2013 21:48

rightinthekisser, I want judging those who don't want to leave their babies... I was simply wondering if I really was BU by not really thinking twice about going out and leaving ds with dp who is perfectly capable, if not more so than me. They were making me doubt myself rather than me judging them.

Re the bf group, I know what you mean scottishmummy, but I live abroad and in a small village and we're not exactly overrun with mother & baby groups, baby yoga, baby music /signing/ blah blah blah... It's the only thing available for me to meet other mums so beggars can't be choosers. If you don't bf you're buggered really!!

OP posts:
Bumblequeen · 12/12/2013 22:13

Go and enjoy yourself.

I left dc1 with dh, dm and dsis once she was happy to take a bottle. I knew they would care for her just as much as I did and I wanted dd to build a relationship with them.

As a result dd was not at all clingy. I would have hated that.

I only went out for a few hours.

My dh is just as capable in looking after our dc as I am. He is far more patient.

CaterpillarCara · 12/12/2013 22:15

I did. Had to milk myself in the loos though...

puntasticusername · 12/12/2013 22:19

What everyone said - go, and have a great time!

Please can people not Judge mothers who don't want to leave their babies, though? Perhaps some are being martyrs, or engaging in one up man ship, but not all are. I can tell you that for definite, because I was one of them. I wouldn't have left DS (yes, pfb) at that age. Just wouldn't. Nothing to do with thinking other people weren't perfectly capable of looking after him, I just didn't want to be without him. And I got bloody pissed off with the snarky comments from relatives who were upset because I "wouldn't let me have him". Fuck off. It is not about YOU.

This lasted until DS was about 8 months old, at which point I took a deep breath and left him with DH and family for a whole weekend so I could go on a hen party. Within hours I was completely twatted and doing an impromptu strip tease on a coffee table. It was fricking awesome Grin

RightInTheKisser · 12/12/2013 22:20

Boca- wasn't aimed at you. More the people calling people Martyrs.

Lj8893 · 12/12/2013 22:22

puntastic Grin

puntasticusername · 12/12/2013 22:26

Man, that was a good weekend.

WoTmania · 12/12/2013 22:30

YANBU - they've probably been told they 'ought to go out' because it will be 'good for them' and need to get their babies taking bottles etc that they feel they need to justify why they don't.
You'll have a fab time

SatinSandals · 12/12/2013 22:35

I never understand why you get a couple who both have no experience of babies and suddenly the woman becomes the 'expert' and the man has to refer to her before he can dress the baby, bath it or do anything at all! He should be in there from the start and apart from bfeeding can be just left to get on with it.

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle · 12/12/2013 23:14

Go! We left DS at7 weeks with my parents for a couple of hours to go to a 40th. He was prem and only out of hospital for a week. He was well looked after and didn't know we weren't there.

My friend left her DS for 5 hours with his dad (her DH) last week to come to a spa. The child is 13 months and the dad has never had his on his own up till then. The dad was so very excited. So sad that he's been denied alone time with his boy for no reason other than my friend will miss him.

ChristmasCareeristBitchNigel · 12/12/2013 23:18

Go for it. Ignore the martyrs. And HAVE A NICE TIME !

rockybalboa · 12/12/2013 23:18

Ffs, what is wrong with these women? Go!!!! Make the most of it. I'm out tmrw night for the second time since 5m old DS3 was born and I can't bloody wait!!

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