Husband going to pub on Christmas Day

[lettucelamp]

I need some advice, because I can't stop turning something over in my head. This is my first time posting so please be gentle with me and it's a bit long winded!

My husband and I are hosting Christmas Day dinner at our house for the first time this year. I was really looking forward to it; it will be my inlaws coming but generally I get along with his parents very well, it's a bit up and down with his siblings but I'm not really worried, potentially just his sister coming as well, and my immediate family won't be there as they're going away for Christmas.

It was a bit of a Christmas tradition for my husband to go to the pub on Christmas day just before lunch was ready with his Dad, Grandad and brothers but his Grandad passed away a few years ago now, and we haven't had Christmas dinner with as a couple with his parents before (my mums last year, he insisted we have it on our own the previous two years, not living together prior to that).

Anyway so the other day he informed me that he was planning on going for a drink this Christmas day, just before lunch with his Dad (and undoubtedly any of his siblings that end up coming) and me and his Mum would have to stay behind with the dinner!

AIBU to be a bit upset about this?

I feel like it's a) completely sexist b) completely unfair that I'll be left to finish the cooking on my own and c) not right to divide the family group on Christmas day!

He said it in front of his Mum, and I acted a bit put out but in a kind of joking way, his Mum said she wouldn't mind stopping so I could go with them but I feel like that's not the point.

Had a big argument about it when we got home, and I feel torn. Part of me feels like it is only half an hour and he's normally a very good husband, doesn't go out often, and doesn't really ask for much but on the other hand I think it's sexist and exclusionary. Tried to work out a compromise but he won't go after lunch, won't go before lunch is starting to be cooked. Said he won't go as I'd "spoiled it now" and I ended up backing down/grovelling to him a bit! But I feel like the idea of being left cooking the dinner has spoilt Christmas Day a bit for me now - was really looking forward to it, now I'm dreading it a bit.

I can't decide if I'm being overly dramatic or if I'm right to not like the idea, and I want to get some perspective. What do you think - AIBU?

Tabliope I didnt say OP HADNT compromised. Theyre a married couple, its perfectly reasonable to say I hope they BOTH compromise and can resolve this. I did not say that just OP should compromise. As for your cave in & keep your man sweet comment...I mean please...not all of us are meek & mild wallflowers just because we dont rant & rave. I always prefer to come down on the side of reasoning, Im not in the 'LTB' camp and I couldnt care less about NOT being in it. Much of the time real life & relationships are not as depicted on internet boards..it takes 2 people to sort an issue out, no matter who is wrong. Reasoning will get to that point. Furthermore I dont do Im a martyr as I cooked xmas dinner & I want due respect either, nor all the hard talk as some re. Id tell my DH this, or that, swearing. Yeah..I bet you all would. I can be strong in yourself as a woman without coming across as a crusader of some gender war. Im happy with that. I dont see compromise as a weakness. Knowing whats gone wrong but banging on & on & on about it looking for ways for situation to sound as bad as possible, coupled with a pridefulness in not even suggesting a solution (not the OP - some posters are doing this) - that is beyond useless.

Mistress, sorry I've no idea what you're going on about. None of what you say seems to directly pertain to the OP and what lettuce has written in her later comment. It's just general waffle as far as I can work out. Nothing concrete. Just about how you see it, what you would do .

fgs
In your own head, plan lunch for later than everyone expects.
Wave them off on the "men only" jaunt, then tell your MIL to get her coat & hat and trot off to a different pub for an hour or so, Leave the turkey doing its thing in the oven while you soak up some ambiance. If you have to drive to get there, stick with non-alcoholic drinks, but MIL is going to be horrified so do plan to feed her with restorative booze!
Hope to arrive back some 5 minutes or so after the men.
Then smile sweetly as you continue the 'perfect cook' impression!!

This is not a perfect scenario. Not what you want, or even close.
It is called "re-training", and a stage you have to sweat through.
Trust me. Next year, he will see it your way.

Personally, I send my lot out to walk the dogs because I cannot stand that many people in the kitchen!! and they interfere with my sloe gin consumption

I totally disagree that there should be any sort of compromise on the OP's part. I think you have to knock this kind of sexist crap on the head early on in marriage or it will only get worse after you have had children.

No need for arguments though. It's not a huge thing in the grand scheme of things. Just let him know that if he goes out you will be going out too. If he persists in his plan on Christmas day, do exactly that (he can hardly stop you!) and make sure that you arrive back home a bit after he and his family have got back from the pub.

Anyone who goes to the pub on Christmas Day is BU I used to work in pubs, I wanted to be at home on Christmas Day, not at work!

OP Please come back after Xmas Day and let us know if he was only at the pub for half an hour.

Have a great Xmas Op and don't get too stressed