Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Husband going to pub on Christmas Day

608 replies

lettucelamp · 11/12/2013 21:04

I need some advice, because I can't stop turning something over in my head. This is my first time posting so please be gentle with me Grin and it's a bit long winded!

My husband and I are hosting Christmas Day dinner at our house for the first time this year. I was really looking forward to it; it will be my inlaws coming but generally I get along with his parents very well, it's a bit up and down with his siblings but I'm not really worried, potentially just his sister coming as well, and my immediate family won't be there as they're going away for Christmas.

It was a bit of a Christmas tradition for my husband to go to the pub on Christmas day just before lunch was ready with his Dad, Grandad and brothers but his Grandad passed away a few years ago now, and we haven't had Christmas dinner with as a couple with his parents before (my mums last year, he insisted we have it on our own the previous two years, not living together prior to that).

Anyway so the other day he informed me that he was planning on going for a drink this Christmas day, just before lunch with his Dad (and undoubtedly any of his siblings that end up coming) and me and his Mum would have to stay behind with the dinner!

AIBU to be a bit upset about this?

I feel like it's a) completely sexist b) completely unfair that I'll be left to finish the cooking on my own and c) not right to divide the family group on Christmas day!

He said it in front of his Mum, and I acted a bit put out but in a kind of joking way, his Mum said she wouldn't mind stopping so I could go with them but I feel like that's not the point.

Had a big argument about it when we got home, and I feel torn. Part of me feels like it is only half an hour and he's normally a very good husband, doesn't go out often, and doesn't really ask for much but on the other hand I think it's sexist and exclusionary. Tried to work out a compromise but he won't go after lunch, won't go before lunch is starting to be cooked. Said he won't go as I'd "spoiled it now" and I ended up backing down/grovelling to him a bit! But I feel like the idea of being left cooking the dinner has spoilt Christmas Day a bit for me now - was really looking forward to it, now I'm dreading it a bit.

I can't decide if I'm being overly dramatic or if I'm right to not like the idea, and I want to get some perspective. What do you think - AIBU?

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch · 11/12/2013 21:17

Get yersen to the pub.

Binkyridesagain · 11/12/2013 21:17

There are pubs that will let children in demented

Trills · 11/12/2013 21:17

Some pubs are friendly community places, and you can take children into them during the day.

I have fond memories of playing pool as soon as I was old enough to see over the sides of the table.

ShatnersBassoon · 11/12/2013 21:17

It's just half an hour. The men in my family can sit on the toilet for longer than that.

Pinupgirl · 11/12/2013 21:18

Yanbu op-honestly some poster need to get over the idea that its up to the wifey to pick up the slack at all timesHmm Why the hell should she stay home cooking while they go to the pub?! So what if its their family tradition-they are having xmas in your home so its your rules.

This rankles with me btw as I experience similar with my inlaws-dh and bil are treated like kings and myself and other dil are expected to muck in and help out-seeing as we have ovaries and all thatHmm

melw7 · 11/12/2013 21:18

I think you was being unreasonable. My husband does not go down the pub for a drink on christmas day, but if he did then i would not have a problem with it at all...... It would be good to get him out from underneath my feet for an hour.......:)

You say its only for an hour, and with his dad. and like somebody has said its tradition for some, and i cant see a problem with this.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 11/12/2013 21:18

He telling you what to do for yet another Christmas is what is wrong with this scenario.

Backtobedlam · 11/12/2013 21:18

You may actually enjoy a bit of peace and quiet if they go to the pub. It'll be a hectic day with lots of guests, so why not pour yourself some wine and enjoy a quiet half hr once the turkey is in.

Pinupgirl · 11/12/2013 21:19

Yeah the men get to all go together and the op gets to go with mil-ffs!!

Bowlersarm · 11/12/2013 21:19

Agree with you clam.

I'm surprised people aren't suggesting the OP darns his socks while she's stuck at home cooking Christmas dinner for the menfolk.

Bogeyface · 11/12/2013 21:19

Does anyone really believe it will be half an hour?!

Unless the pub is next door then it will be 5 minutes to get there, 5 minutes back (minimum) and 20 minutes to chuck a pint down. No, I dont buy it. It will be an hour minimum, them coming back full of Yuletide spirit (literally) to the OP and her MIL trying to dish up.

Fuck that! And I like a drink, so no issue with the alcohol consumption at all!

clam · 11/12/2013 21:20

It isn't "in his grandfather's memory." He just fancies a pint away from the hard graft back at home that he can leave for his wife to do.
This is nothing to do with 'blokes doing bloke things,' unless you count being sexist gits as being blokey. There are plenty of other times he can go off and do some male bonding, just not at this particular point.

ProfPlumSpeaking · 11/12/2013 21:20

Sometimes men like being together without their partners.

Let them be together in the kitchen cooking then whilst OP has a little refreshing walk before lunch.

yanbu

thebody · 11/12/2013 21:21

my dh couldn't as he's the head chef. I just drink.Grin

put the bird in the oven and all go or the men go and you crack open wine with his mom.

don't get the problem.

misskatamari · 11/12/2013 21:22

Clam I know I don't see it as a problem as it's for half an hour and I would be expecting him to have helped before and after. Agreed if it was the case of "right I'm off to the pub all morning - get Christmas lunch cooked for my whole family" then I would be giving a very different response. As it stands I really don't see the issue with letting DH have half an hour in the pub with his dad.

DrCoconut · 11/12/2013 21:22

On the other hand would the space to just get on with the food be good? I sometimes send DH out if I need to get on with things because its easier to be able to just focus on the task.

nkf · 11/12/2013 21:22

I'd send my mother in law too and have a nice sit down in the kitchen with MN.

letsgotothebeach · 11/12/2013 21:22

Have a nice big glass of wine whilst cooking the dinner and have some more whilst your husband and father in law do the washing up afterwards. Its not rocket science!

clam · 11/12/2013 21:23

"It would be good to get him out from underneath my feet for an hour"
Seriously?! How old is your husband, 6? My dh would be (rightly) furious if I spoke about him in such terms.

nkf · 11/12/2013 21:23

I think you might be fretting because it's your first time hosting Christmas. Have you made a big Christmas lunch before? If not, don't worry. It's not that difficult.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 11/12/2013 21:24

I think you should start a new tradition. You and MIL to the pub, leave the menfolk stay behind and finish the dinner.

Upcycled · 11/12/2013 21:24

How is it only half an hour?
Sure it takes more time to walk to the pub, get served, drink, walk back?

And why he "insisted" the two of you spent Christmas day alone previous years?

I don't know how I feel on this one tbh.
My husband is the cook in our house so we tend to gather around the kitchen and drink together but I wold also probably be relieved if I was cooking and people left the house for while so I could get on whitout bother, but that is just me. As long as they don't get drunk, obviously.

MistressDeeCee · 11/12/2013 21:24

It is sexist..but to be honest it wouldnt bother me at all. You get on with MIL, dont you? Might be quite nice to bond over a bit of cooking, with the men out of the way for a bit Smile, I mean..it is only 1/2 hour. He can help you when he gets back. I may be biased as I love doing christmas dinner and dont look at it as work or something to be begrudged, and I certainly dont get all martyr like and dramatic about it in terms of fussing about who does and doesnt help. Its only once a year, after all. As long as I have some company to natter with and someone else does the dishes, Im perfectly ok. You say he is normally a good husband. Its a shame a quick visit to the pub as a family tradition could put a damper on your day. Hope you can come to a compromise, good luck.

Bogeyface · 11/12/2013 21:24

It would be good to get him out from underneath my feet for an hour.

You should divorce your DH and marry the OP's, you sound made for each other!

Seriously, do women still say "oh he gets under my feet"?! Thats the sort of thing my grandmothers generation would say, my mother is 63 and her attitude is "you live in this house, you help keep it livable!" She would never describe herself as a feminist at all, she was a teen in the 60's and I think they scared her, but she really is one. If you dont do your 50% of the jobs then you dont get your 50% of the spoils!

sisterelephant · 11/12/2013 21:25

Sorry but you are a bit U.

It's only half an hour.