To complain about this??

[absentmindeddooooodles]

My ds is 2.9. He goes to the nursery down the road one day a week. ( cannot afford for him to go any more regularly) just to get socialised and to try and work on seperation anxiety. velcro child syndrome

Went to pick him up today and was met by three of the nursery workers "wanting to have a talk".

This got me really worried as they looked very....strict. like I was being bloody told off.

To cut a long story short....they told me that as my son is still in nappies I would have to think about taking him out of nursery until the problem is sorted!! ( problem him not being potty trained)

They talked for a good ten mins about how its an inconvenience to them having such a big boy needing constant monitoring incase hes done a poo.

I didnt want to get into an argument and never would infront of all the kids, but did put across a couple of points:
. He is in "the baby room" as they call it. Babies from birth to 3 years. There are fewer older toddlers than babies....so I imagine they should be all set up forpchanging nappies.
.theybe never said anything to me before about him being in nappies being an issue. I have even had discussions with his keyworker about the favt that I had tried potty training him but he got a v bad bout of chicken pox right in the middle of it so we have gone back to square one.
. I dont personally think he's too old to be in nappies. He's not 3 until april and as long as he isn't rocking up to his first day of school in pampers Its fine.
. He is currently undergoing a diagnnosis for adhd and possibly as. It's bloody hard enough to get through the day without making him do something hes not ready to.

Their response to all the above was that he is more than old enough to be using a toilet and by him not doing this its taking time away from the babies who actually need looking after!!!!!

Out of the three of them who spoke to me....the youngest one ( about 16 on placement) told me it was disgusting to have to clean up a fully grown childs poo!

Im reeling and actually v embarassed as there were quite a few other parents round while this was going on.

Now I know ianbu to not be impressed with the way this was dealt with......but aibu to not have potty trained him by now?

Should he be totally out of nappies by this age? This is my first dc and moat friends dc are younger thn mine. A family member had their dd totally dry through the night by 2.5....but all kids are different.....surely its down to the individual?

Im sorry this has been so epically long...but am at a loss!
.

The comments aboit my neighbour are nasty and irrelevant. .....

I really dont think this is the case at all. She has just gota job in the partner nursery and I am not happy that this is the kind of person they are employing to look after kids.

Her child is continously dirty and shouted at. I know parenting is stressful and I am not perfect. But seeing a never wnding stream of men coming and going at all times of the day and night.....her telling me that she cant be arsed so her child is having haribo for tea.....putting her to bed to scream for hours ao she can..in her words...."have some fun". This is not the kind of attitude toward parenting that I think is acceptable for someone working with children!

I try to help this girl as much as I can. She is young and I know its bloody hard work. Im constantly babysitting, making dinner for her, getring rid of unwated men at stupis oclock in the morning. Im simply saying that I do not feel comfortable with her looking after my child....and I dont think it appropriate for her to be working in a nursery. I dont think thats nasty or irrelevant.

As for turning this into a positive....ds is not ready to be potty trained. We tried before as he showed a slight jnterest but he got chicken pox badly and regresses in that sense.

I am taking his lead with it. Yes he can take his nappy off....he can take all his clothes off. Hes a two uear old boy and loves being naked. He has never weed on the floor before. He seemed very upset about it. He has heard and understood the xomments feom the nursery workers and by potty training him when hes not ready I think it will reinforce that what was said is right.

Well, we'll have to agree to differ about your nasty comments about your neighbour. Certainly the men she sleeps with has fuck all to do with the issues at the nursery your DS is at. He is not at the partner nursery so your neighbour's parenting is irrelevant.

The way you worded it made it sound like your DS took his nappy off in order to wee on the floor. You can still turn it into a positive as he is clearly ready to talk about it which means he at least understands what is expected. You don't need to force him into using a potty or make a big deal about it, just have it there, suggest he uses it if he has his nappy off and take it gently. No need to make a huge fuss of accidents or wet/dirty nappies, just comments on doing something really clever if he uses the potty at all. I think anything regarding calling him a "big boy" is counter productive though so I'd avoid that. I didn't mean full on potty training. I used this approach in between potty training attempts with DS1 so it just kept it in his mind I guess. The subsequent successful attempt was a piece of cake.

Would you want someone looking after your dc that left their own child screaming for hours so she could sleep with lots of different people? Its the attitude behind it. She sees fit to upset and not properly look after a child so to not inconvenience herself.
I think this is very relevant. The partner nursery is two strrets away. The staff work at both sites on occasion....so had this not happened she would at some point have been looking after my son.
The same manager is in charge of both sites. The fact that she sees fit to employ this girl does not sit roght with me. It is an example of the kind of place it is.

My ds knows exactly what is involved in potty training. He has for quite a while. He shows interest in the toilet.....flushing it and routine of washing hands etc and we also have a potty so jes used to it being around.
I have had conversations with him about it. He does notwant to go on the potty or the toilet. He has told me he wants to wear nappies and that wjen hes a little bit bigger he will use the toilet. I will not push him into it. He does not want to, therefore I will not make him. So many people have said that Is got to be when they are ready, and I totally agree with that.

As soon as he starts saying he wants to then we will. Simple as that. I dont see the nees for him to be potty trained right now or even start, especially in light of the fact that hes currwntly quite upset about the whole issue.

The "big boy" comments are something that very much works for us. The first thing he said after a speech delay was about being a big boy because he could talk now. He has oldr friends whom he idoidolises.his behaviour means that alot of the time he wont listen, sit still, sleep, concerntrate etc. ..
Asking him to be a big boy and sit still....or let me help him get dressed or a million other things works. So I will carry on doing it! Im a firm believer in doing what works for the individual

Your poor DS :( Don't just email ofsted, call them and keep calling. Print copies and screenshot copies of their toilet training policy. Screenshot the email as the manager will get in serious trouble for that alone. Write a detailed account as to what happened yesterday, you said that there were other parents around right? Can you ask some of them to help you and write down what they saw/heard? Especially if some were present at the beginning.

Doesnt the subsequent attempt was a piece of cake because he was ready. And he wasnt on the other tries.

OP wrt to potty training, my eldest understood at 2. He didnt potty traiin u til 3.6 years, he too has sn, but mildly so.

My second son is 2.6, he totally gets potty training but doesnt want to. Simply as that. He doesnt want to because he isnt ready.

I totally support your point of waiting. You are doing the best thing.

WRT to the horrendous way in which you and your son have been treated, could you go above the manager? When I had beef with an appalling nursery I went above the manager to the owner and ofsted.

What are you going to do if he never says he is ready!? At what age are you going to, as gently as possible obviously, force the issue?

Thanks everyone. Will definaey be going to the owner. Have done screenshots and copies aof everything ibe sent and recieved.

Will have to wait until dp gets home as phone has decided it does not want to call or recieve calls today. Fabulous.

have hd the appt with paediatrician. Talked to her aboutwhat was going on and how he has reacted just so its doceumented if it gets nasty. She herself asked ds a couple of queations ( gently) and ds said tjat he didnt want to use the potty or toilet and that it would make him upset. So thats documented and his behaviour around it today is too.

Have just had an email pop up from nursery. Ill just read it and report back.

I always said that id start actively encouraging him as he turns 3. He is a little bit behind with some things because of the ( suspected sn) so I think this is a reasonable time frame.

We do have a potty in the house and a step for the toilet and we do talk about it. I really think he will come to it in his own time in the not too distant future...

He did the same thing with his dummy. Surgically attached until recently when he just came upto me and said " mummy I dont wany this any morw. Im a big boy now. We can give it to ( friends baby)"

He likes to do things in his own time. Haha.

Right.now to read this email...

Birdybear you are missing the point of the thread totally.

Are you agreeing with the nursery that by 2.9 the OPs son should be potty trained?

You dont have a SN child do you birdybear?

I er take that back. I read your post wrong birdy bear. Im sorry!

Reply from nursery following my email stating that I would be taking things further and would like statements etc:

Mrs doodles

Further to recieving your last email we would like to inform you that we ourselves would be taking this issuefurther. We do not apprexiate false allallegations being made against our establishment or any member of staff.

Attached is a statement from myself, and statements from keyworker, student, and two others staff members present will be emailed to you by the end of the day.

Statement:

Yesterday afternoon at approximatley 3pm mrs doodles arrived to pick up her son ds. On entering the nursery she was greeted by myself and ds keyworker. As I has other parwnts and children to attend to I left keyworker to have a quiet wors with mrs doodles regarding some issues we have been having with ds.
Keyworker quietly asked mrs doodles to step aside to speak about these issues out of earshot of parwnts andchchildren.
Earlier in the day keyworker and myself had spoken about what was to be said and suggestions to combat the issues sirrounding potty training that we were having.

About 5 minutes into the conversation I could see that keyworker was becoming intimidated so I stepped in and calmy explained that it would be a good idea to toilet train ds as he is at an ideal age to do so, and that the fact it had not been done was impacting on my staffand their time with the rest of the children.
Mrs doodles began to get hostile towards my staff and so was asked to leave and that we would be in contact with her. Her first email today was the first form of communication regarding this incident.

Wtaf?!?!?!?!

Call ofsted.

Now.

Do you know any of the parents that were there? Witnesses?

That's awful. My eldest 2 DS's were ready for potty training at 4. Something clicked when they were that age. Nursery/pre-school were fine with it.

The fact that they have said that it would impact on their staff for him not to be toilet trained is a breach by them, so do follow that through ofsted, they are trying to intimidate you into backing down, do not do it they need reporting. I have a funny feeling they are on here too. Call Ofsted ASAP for advice.

Was there anybody who was not a nursery staff member around who you can contact? Also, those slips of paper with changing info will be very important so do not lose them.

Yes, I was going to ask if there were any parents you could approach for their version of events. I would also seek clarification on how your actions were read to be hostile? Was it your body language? Something you said? Also seek clarification on when the supposed conversation about potty training at 2.5 took place. If they are going to collude together to lie about this incident make it as hard as possible, the more lies they have to tell the more likely they are to trip themselves up.

Ask them how they are going to 'take this further' too. They are deliberately trying to intimidate you there.

Absolutely shocking that people like this work in childcare.

What a complete psycho!

They are fucking themselves over by writing these emails to you. Even if you did behave in the manner that they claim you did, they have it in writing that they went against the EYFS recommendations for toilet training, against SEN procedures, against their own policies and so on and so forth. They are in trouble and they know it.

Oh and of course the fact that they are lying through their teeth is a) a big admission of guilt - they KNOW they are in the wrong and b) makes me wonder if you have them running scared. They really don't want you to take this further do they?

How is it even possible for them to take it further?!

I know two of the parents who were there to say hello to. I'm not sure how I wouls get intouch with them. I guess I could always casually walk past the nursery at pick up time and try and collar them.

Im not going to be intimidated by it as there no truth in it whatsoever. Throught the wntire xonversation I was holding ds....and teying to entertain him at the same time as talking. I didnt once raise my voice....or do anything that could me misconstrued as intimidating. If anything the opposite! I felt a bit pathetic standing there infront of the three of them.

I cant call until dp gets back as phone is playing silly buggers. :/

Will send another email asking for an exact explination re intimidating behaviour etc and see what they say.

Its so scary tjat people will all collude like that!

The manager cant be far off my age but yet shes always treated me a little like a child. In a condescending kind of faux caring way.
Will take a walk down there now as its pick up time in half an hour.

No bloody idea how they cpuld even take it further......what are they gunna do...tell my mother?!?!

Goodness me, phone Ofsted and have a chat. This sounds awful.

They are lying - there is nowhere for them to take it to. Are they threatening you with the police? Social Services? An imaginary ombudsman that deals with nurseries complaints about parents? It is a steaming pile of BS.

They are trying to scare you. And any organisation that tries to suppress complaints and issues through fear and intimidation, really isn't fit to look after small children.

No, don't contact them until you have spoken to Ofsted, you can clarify that after you have spoken to them.

Ok.....have just done a casual little walk down past nursery. Saw one of the mums and had an uber quick chat. Shes more than happy to stick up for me. She only heard snippets of the conversation but enough to understand

1. what was going on
2. that I was not intimidating in any way
3. that the 3 people were preswnt rather than one.
4. that I was not asked to leave.

Shes going to nip round tomorrow and see how she can help. :)

Have come home to the sexond statement though:

From student.

Ive been on placementin the baby room for 3 months now so have met mrs doodles qyite a few times. I look after ds quite a bit during the day and am worried about what I have been seeing.
Ds does not seem to understand much when I talk to him. He will not do what he is told all the time and at his age this is not right.
He cannot feed himself without gwtting food all over his top and face... this means I have to spend bigger amounts of time with him than thw babies as they do not gwt messy.
I find it disturbing that he is still left to go to the toilet in a nappy at his age. It is not healthy and he is very much behind his milestones.
He shputs at other children and as childrwn only learn behaviour I believe he is learning this at home.
As a student studying health and social carw and recieving top grades I feel that ds health visitor should be notified as he does not seem to have a happy stable home life. This would be my proffessional opinion.
I