To complain about this??

[absentmindeddooooodles]

My ds is 2.9. He goes to the nursery down the road one day a week. ( cannot afford for him to go any more regularly) just to get socialised and to try and work on seperation anxiety. velcro child syndrome

Went to pick him up today and was met by three of the nursery workers "wanting to have a talk".

This got me really worried as they looked very....strict. like I was being bloody told off.

To cut a long story short....they told me that as my son is still in nappies I would have to think about taking him out of nursery until the problem is sorted!! ( problem him not being potty trained)

They talked for a good ten mins about how its an inconvenience to them having such a big boy needing constant monitoring incase hes done a poo.

I didnt want to get into an argument and never would infront of all the kids, but did put across a couple of points:
. He is in "the baby room" as they call it. Babies from birth to 3 years. There are fewer older toddlers than babies....so I imagine they should be all set up forpchanging nappies.
.theybe never said anything to me before about him being in nappies being an issue. I have even had discussions with his keyworker about the favt that I had tried potty training him but he got a v bad bout of chicken pox right in the middle of it so we have gone back to square one.
. I dont personally think he's too old to be in nappies. He's not 3 until april and as long as he isn't rocking up to his first day of school in pampers Its fine.
. He is currently undergoing a diagnnosis for adhd and possibly as. It's bloody hard enough to get through the day without making him do something hes not ready to.

Their response to all the above was that he is more than old enough to be using a toilet and by him not doing this its taking time away from the babies who actually need looking after!!!!!

Out of the three of them who spoke to me....the youngest one ( about 16 on placement) told me it was disgusting to have to clean up a fully grown childs poo!

Im reeling and actually v embarassed as there were quite a few other parents round while this was going on.

Now I know ianbu to not be impressed with the way this was dealt with......but aibu to not have potty trained him by now?

Should he be totally out of nappies by this age? This is my first dc and moat friends dc are younger thn mine. A family member had their dd totally dry through the night by 2.5....but all kids are different.....surely its down to the individual?

Im sorry this has been so epically long...but am at a loss!
.

[absentmindeddooooodles]

For the record....youll like this.....

I've just got all his "slips" out from every single day hes been there. ( luckily sll kept in a little folder as im too bloody sentimental)

These tell you what they have eaten, if theyve had wet/dirty nappies and how many/what time. If theyve slept etc.

Since he was just over 2 years old he has done 3 POOS AT NURSERY!!! 3!!!!

Now either they are being bloody slack and not filling them I properly.....or tbey dont have a friggin leg to stand on!

Fwiw ds is like clockwork....once a day and usually in the morning ( before nursery) sorry tmi.

[Badvocatyuletide]

Get a new nursery!
Or an experienced CM!
Dreadful op, Yanbu.

[absentmindeddooooodles]

Also have girls first name and know what college shes from. ( they only have one coirse that does placements in nurseries)

So will definatley be taking the little brat down a peg or two. I understand whats been said about learnt behaviour
...and that thought fills me with dread. Regardless im keen to make damn sure she is taken off the course so no other kids have to be subjected to her.

[Sirzy]

That's shocking behavior from the nursery and the student. I am glad you are complaining!

[SavoyCabbage]

I would pursue the bejeebers out of this. I would do it all in writing and I would follow it up to the ends of the earth.

[absentmindeddooooodles]

Will be doing exactly that. Its on!!!

[Blueberry234]

I would be asking to see their policy on toilet training, they should have one. They cannot discriminate against a child in nappies, you should not be forced to toilet training, letter to their manager and get the name of the student and write letter to course tutor at college. Then move your child. Or WTS

[ConfusedPixie]

That is utterly disgusting. Not least for the fact that he possibly has AS. I look after ASD kids and they're all in nappies still. And anyway, children can be in nappies well beyond 3yo! It's normal! What sort of fucking nursery are they if they haven't come across that?

Complain definitely about the students comment, that was extremely out of line and considering it's her fucking job she should learn quickly. Also agree with telling her college, pursue it as far as you can, insist on talking to her tutor, insist on talking to her head too and make it clear you aren't happy and want to know what's happening with her. The other two need complaining about too. Definitely take it to Ofsted too, they'll be especially interested in the staffs perceptions of what is 'normal', especially when the key part of the EYFS is that children all develop at different rates. Sounds like the nurseries I ended up working in earlier on in my childcare career tbh. Put me off of them for life.

Things like this make me so angry.

Heartbroken There was a similar documentary not as long ago, possibly a dispatches, where they had staff swearing and shouting at kids too, I wanted to work in childcare by then and was devastated by it. Nurseries aren't great in my old home town, coming out of school most of us had the choice between childcare or beauty college as they were the only colleges that would accept students with the grades the majority of us got. No interest in children what-so-ever yet see it as the only way to get a job :(

I'm looking through the EYFS documents (pre-2012 changes, I don't have copies of the newer ones and cannot find them) and in that it hints that between 30 and 60 months they'd expect a child to learn to potty train, though I can't find anything more specific than that. Seeing as your child is around the 32 month mark OP he's fine by EYFS standards too!

[Clarabumps]

I am SO SORRY this has happened to you. They are SO unprofessional and how dare they day that in front of your ds. I waited till after my 2ds were 3 before I attempted toilet training. That's a bloody shame.. I'd take this further if I were you.
Please try and not let this hurt you. I agree with pretty much every comment above… What a bunch of arseholes.
Chin up. x

[Womnaleplus]

Revolting. I would complain and withdraw my child immediately. Imagine how they treat him when you're not there if they'll speak like that in front of you. :(

My own DS1 is 3.1 and still in nappies. He's being investigated for potential ASD too. When I met with his nursery to discuss his development recently I raised the potty training issue. They brushed it off completely, said it was no problem and he was not the only one. And the most important bit - that we needed to do it when he was ready.

[BigFatGoalie]

I am so sorry OP, both for you and your DS.
Please keep us posted as to your email and their response, I'd very much like to know as have DD of a similar age.

[Yamyoid]

outrageous! As you rightly said, all children are different. You can't force a 2 1/2 year-old to toilet train.
My ds was at nursery full time and in nappies till nearly 4.
The staff should be supportive.
If I was you I'd vote with my feet and change nurseries but make sure the owners and managers know why.

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

Talkativejim has said exactly what I want to say - but better!

FWIW dd was about 2.10 when we started potty training. At 2.9 her wees suddenly changed from "little and often" to much less frequent but flooding the nappy through.

At that point we started training her. Didn't have a lot of choice as the nappy would no longer hold her wee! It was very easy and very natural. In fact I wouldn't even call it "training" - it was just letting her body do what it was now ready to do.

[Musicaltheatremum]

That is so unprofessional. As my first nanny said to me when I worried my DD wasn't doing something is "babies don't read the textbooks" she was a good old fashioned health visitors. What on earth does a 16 year old know about potty training. Both of mine were late potty trainers. Daughter aged 2.9 wet everywhere, 3 months later dry. Son vaguely dry by 3 when he went to nursery but "damp patches" til he was 5. (They're 20 and 18 now and would be horrified at this post)
The age of being trained is an average. Not set in stone. I'm angry on your behalf.

[SugarMiceInTheRain]

I'd definitely complain. Neither of my boys were potty trained until 3, and in fact had poo accidents for longer than they had wee ones, no idea why. In fact DS1 (who admittedly has other issues, ASD-related) even had poo accidents at school in reception and teachers/ TAs didn't bat an eyelid. That's how it should be. Sounds like they are in the wrong profession...

[OldRoan]

On my PGCE some people were placed in a nursery but were so unimpressed they reported it to our programme coordinator, who in turn reported them to Ofsted, so definitely report to the college. They will want to know that their student is in this environment, and may possibly refer it on to Ofsted (which will hopefully drive home how unacceptable their behaviour is).

Your poor DS, but at least he has a mum like you standing up for him. Good luck.

[anotherchristmasnamechange]

As others have said, YAdefinitelyNBU.

My son has Asperger's. He is 6 1/2. He is not yet continent and is under the child development clinic for this issue.

One of the main things they've emphasised is NEVER make an issue of it in front of the child. As it can lead to them holding on,. refusing to poo, and thus worsening incontinence.

But your child is not incontinent. he is a toddler, not yet out of nappies. One of my children was potty trained by two. Another was 3 1/2.

Withdraw your child from this nursery, and COMPLAIN. Perhaps get your health visitor to have a word with them about appropriate expectations and child development.

[tiredandgrumpy]

I agree with what everyone else is saying about timing of potty training and the way this was presented to you.

I'd like to add that the overwhelming impression I got from the op's post was that the staff didn't want to bother with anything. They said that they didn't have time to constantly monitor the op's son. Well, surely their role as care providers requires them to pay these children active attention, or are the older kids just left to their own devices whilst the staff ignore them? Hardly a great environment for these kids to develop!

I'd definitely remove him from the nursery, but write a clear letter to the manager copying in Ofsted.

[reup]

OP. the sort of playgrouo I meant was one where you leave them for 3 hours and pay (or get it paid for the term after they are 3). They are sometimes called preschools. Both the ones my kids went to were fine with nappies. They are usually run by a committee of parents as a charity but they employ managers and workers.

They usually run pm or am sessions some do lunch. As it's not all day it's a much gentler intro to being away from your parents.

[TheGinLushMinion]

Just awful, please don't take your child back there & yes definitely complain

[absentmindeddooooodles]

Reup.....the " big room" in this nursery is the local preschool. :(

Thankyou all again for all the supportive comments. As soon as ds has settled down a bit. ( tornado impressionright now) I will send an email to the nurseryand to offstead.

Both my partner and my mum work in education so habe got all the necessary emails and contacts from them. :)

[Lilacroses]

Wow, what horrible nursery staff!!!!! I am astonished at the way they have handled this, as if it is unheard of for a not yet 3 year old to be in nappies!! What silly, ignorant people. It's not just the complaint, it's the way it was put to you, 3 staff at once in such an insulting way. I teach part time in a Yr R class and we often have one or two children coming into school that are still struggling a bit with toilet training. We don't make the sort of fuss these nursery staff are making and would never make a child feel uncomfortable even if they were alot older and having problems.

As it is, your child is completely normal and changing nappies is part of the job if you work with young children. I hope your complaint is dealt with appropriately. Sorry you both had to go through this.

[Nanny0gg]

absentmindeddooooodles

Please come back and update us with the response(es) you get. I hope a thorough shake-up occurs.

[absentmindeddooooodles]

Email sent :)

Just outlined exactly what happened. Times, quotes, names etc where possible.

Explained exactly why I am unhappy with not only the treatment, but the general attitude of the nursery staff, highlightimg what the placement student says.

Have also picked them up on the fact that its only docented that they have changed a few nappies and acxorsing to our conversation this does not seem to be the case...therefore im not happy with how the paperwork is being filled in. ( just as an aside)

Will wait for the response! They are usually quite quick so we shall see! I sent the email at 8.55 this morning....

[Misfitless]

Sorry, I meant 2.9yr old's poo.