To complain about this??

[absentmindeddooooodles]

My ds is 2.9. He goes to the nursery down the road one day a week. ( cannot afford for him to go any more regularly) just to get socialised and to try and work on seperation anxiety. velcro child syndrome

Went to pick him up today and was met by three of the nursery workers "wanting to have a talk".

This got me really worried as they looked very....strict. like I was being bloody told off.

To cut a long story short....they told me that as my son is still in nappies I would have to think about taking him out of nursery until the problem is sorted!! ( problem him not being potty trained)

They talked for a good ten mins about how its an inconvenience to them having such a big boy needing constant monitoring incase hes done a poo.

I didnt want to get into an argument and never would infront of all the kids, but did put across a couple of points:
. He is in "the baby room" as they call it. Babies from birth to 3 years. There are fewer older toddlers than babies....so I imagine they should be all set up forpchanging nappies.
.theybe never said anything to me before about him being in nappies being an issue. I have even had discussions with his keyworker about the favt that I had tried potty training him but he got a v bad bout of chicken pox right in the middle of it so we have gone back to square one.
. I dont personally think he's too old to be in nappies. He's not 3 until april and as long as he isn't rocking up to his first day of school in pampers Its fine.
. He is currently undergoing a diagnnosis for adhd and possibly as. It's bloody hard enough to get through the day without making him do something hes not ready to.

Their response to all the above was that he is more than old enough to be using a toilet and by him not doing this its taking time away from the babies who actually need looking after!!!!!

Out of the three of them who spoke to me....the youngest one ( about 16 on placement) told me it was disgusting to have to clean up a fully grown childs poo!

Im reeling and actually v embarassed as there were quite a few other parents round while this was going on.

Now I know ianbu to not be impressed with the way this was dealt with......but aibu to not have potty trained him by now?

Should he be totally out of nappies by this age? This is my first dc and moat friends dc are younger thn mine. A family member had their dd totally dry through the night by 2.5....but all kids are different.....surely its down to the individual?

Im sorry this has been so epically long...but am at a loss!
.

[Christmascandles]

Have just read the whole thread. Am so pleased you've written the email OP. just wanted to add my support to you.

Am actually on your behalf and that of your DS.

I look forward to hearing the response....

You've done the right thing

[Spaulding]

Reading this thread just makes me so angry for you OP. As someone else on here said, they're still going to have to clean up poo even when your DS is using the potty so their reasoning makes absolutely no sense! Definitely make a phone call to this placement girl's college. I dread to think that people like that are choosing a career in childcare. Cleaning up bodily functions are part of the job FFS!

The local pre-school (3yrs+) says in their guidelines that a place will only be offered in the child is toilet trained. DS is going there next year but has been toilet trained since 2.4yrs because HE was ready. I had no idea this rule was not allowed though.

[absentmindeddooooodles]

Well have recieved a reply:

Mrs doodles

Thankyou for raising your concerns with us in your email this morning. We take all complaints very seriously.
However, we feel that you have absoloutley no grounds for complaint in this instance. You were very clearly informed upon joining the nursery that any children were expexted to be fully toilet trained by the time they reach 2 1/2 years old...this is in preperation for moving up into our older room in which currwntly none of the children are still in nappies.
Ds currently requires a full nappy change on average of 4 times a day. This is far above amd beyond the requirements of the other children in the same room as him. We cannot dedicate this amount of time to any one child.
In response to your allegations about the way you were dealt with: we followed nursery protocol, which is to quietly address any concerns with a parent on a one to one basis. You were addressed by ds' s key worker initially, and when we felt that you were about to become hostile, said keyworker was joined by the nursery manager so as to avoid any upset to the children in the room at the time.
If you wish to take this further than we would be more than happy to co-operate by providing statements feom each staff member in the room at the time.
Unfortunatley we feel that it would no longer be in the best interests of ds or our staff for ds to carry on attending our nursery.

We wish you all the best in the future.

Manager.

[WhatchaMaCalllit]

Read the whole thread - and your last update and I am gobsmacked. GOBSMACKED!!!

I would definitely take this further but I wouldn't send him back there and I would document why.

Disgraceful conduct from people supposed to be putting the child at the centre of their day.

[absentmindeddooooodles]

Actually crying in bloody frustration and anger right now. Total lies!! How dare they!!!

I was not ever hostile in the slightest. I talked to the three of them....right up until the student made that remark, at which point I said it would probably be best to talk in a meeting as I had to get home. Then said goodbye to one of the other staff and left. Making sure ds waved goodbye to the one I said goodbye to.

Hell I wanted to shout and scream but genuinley was too shocked to even find a good enough comeback.....and regardless....8ve got more sense than to do that in a room full of kids!!

Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhh

[Ifcatshadthumbs]

I would be sending that reply straight to ofsted. I would also be relieved that your ds was no longer attending there.

[Misfitless]

YOu're better off out of there, OP. What a horrible, shit nursery.

However, I wasn't aware and you'd agreed to have him fully potty trained by 2 and a half. Even so, that is an unreasonable condition for them to try and impose.

Hope you can find an alternative nursery that you and DC are happy with [hugs]

[TheWanderingUterus]

That is absolutely appalling behaviour from all of the staff involved. Absolutely shocking.

I dread to think how they are treating other children when no one is watching them. I'm glad to hear your little boy is not going to be subjected to them anymore.

[absentmindeddooooodles]

Have also found their guidelines and policies on the internet and initial booklet.....

Toilet training:

We fully support the parwnts choice to toilet train when they see fit.
We have a supply of potties in a range of differwnt styles to suit the needs of the individual child should the parent wish to commence or continue with training while attending the nursery.
We also have 2 small toilets complete with cubicles in each room that are available to the children as and when...staff will also assist with the use of 5hese if need be.
We understand that every child is different and unique and will work with parents to ensure that every different need is met.

Our attached school that children will attend at 4/5 does expect a basic level of toilet training. Unless of course the child has additional needs of any kind.
With this in mind, in our "big room" ( from the ages of 3 and up) we do encourage, with the permission of parents, the childrwn to begin making the transition from nappies to potry/toilet if this has not already been done.

[absentmindeddooooodles]

I never ever agreed to have hom trained by 2 and a half. This conversation never happened.

They are fully aware that ds is being assessd for additional needs and that I disnt see he would be reasy for toilet training for the forseeable future.

I enquired about toilet training when I went to see the place and they gave me the guidelines that ive written above......my partner was there at the time too. They said that they would work with each child at their own pace, and even told me not to fret as they had 3 1/2 yos that were still firmly in nappies.

I personally know two 3 year olds in the older class with no additional needs that are still firmly in nappies.

Just makes me feel horrid!! I know ots tit for tat but hinestly he has never uad a poo 4 times in a day. ( not since tiny baby stage anyway) and I think this is an out and out lie. No-one has ever mwntioned this to be before at pick up....and as I posted earlier his paperwork says very differently ( which they have not even referenced in the reply)

Will be gutted if its something personal.

They always say how polite ds is....hes always clean tidy and has all he meess for the day with him . Yes he cries when he goes in but inly for 2 mins im told.

Ive never been anything but polite, and always had a chat and a bit of a laugh with members of staff.

I thought I was doing ok!!!!!

[BornOfFrustration]

The cheeky gets, I bet they've given you more fire in your belly to take this all the way after that email.

[ALMOSTMRSG]

OP - I don't think this has anything to do with potty training, I think its to do with your DS going there only one day a week. I bet someone is looking for a full time place and the only day they can't offer them is the day your DS goes there. They asked you to take your DS out far to quickly for my liking.
Also let them know a "fully grown child" is 16 years old not a 2.9yr old. That comment really irritated me.

[bleedingheart]

I am absolutely raging on your behalf!

The attitude is dripping off that email. Closed ranks or what?

There is nothing wrong with being in a nappies at 3 or at having four poos a day if you need them (why aren't they documented then?!).

So hostile and unkind!

I am sending you and DS a big hug. That poor mite! You must be frustrated beyond belief!

[trinity0097]

Where I work, a school with nursery, children stay in nursery 1 (2 and 3 year olds) until they are out of nappies because that is where we have the facilities to deal with nappies. All children in nursery 2 (3 and 4 year olds) are out of nappies, although of course some will still have accidents.

[Frigintinsella]

YANBU you know when your child is ready and like others have said he's only there one day a week.
Maybe those nursery workers should know that lots of children regress in the potty training department right before they go to school. Oh the horror having to clean poo from an actual 4yo,
how disgusting indeed stupid girl.
It's part of the job, deal with it.

[bleedingheart]

If you can't deal with poo, wee, sick, snot, and crying don't work in childcare!

[Frigintinsella]

Also just re read the email. I cannot believe they are trying to just push your DS out like that as if he doesn't even matter
Horrible people.
I would get those individual staff statements, and take this further along with those policies that so clearly contradict what they've said in that email.

[Kyrptonite]

Please phone ofsted and put in a complaint. This is fucking outrageous.

[BornOfFrustration]

ALMOST I bet you're only bloody right.

[absentmindeddooooodles]

Still bloody fuming.

Good point about them needing his space for a full time child.....but they said last week that they had spave every day as two siblings just left the "baby room". Theres no waiting list. Although you could well be right if theve suddenly had an influx of full time applications.

Been reading their full website and policies and they are so out of order on this its ridiculous. I've sent the reply and another email attached to offstead and waiting on a reply.

Im going to email the nursery back stating that I will be taking the matter firther and would appreciate full statement from all staff members present.

On a more important note ds is actually really upset. Hetook his trousers and nappy off. ( semi regular occurrence) weed on the floor and cried and cried.

Hes never done this before. He woke up upset this morning as he wanted to be a big boy. In his words.

Luckily he has a visit from the pediatric team for the ongoing assesment so will have a chat to her today.

So horrid seeing him upset. He understands things like this.

There was an advert on tv ( normal itv middle of the day) for a charity ( animals) he came to me asking if he could look after the animals and went to gwt his money box to send all his pennies to them. ( we sent half) hes just sensitive when it comes to being upset about things...especially when it involves how people see him.

I know that sounds really stupid...its honestly just meant to kind of give an example of the level of understanding.

[Kyrptonite]

Your poor DS

[MammaTJ]

How dare they do this to your little boy. Causing all this upset could have been avoided if they had only followed their own policies!

[SugarplumKate]

Complain. It is completely normal to not be potty trained at 2.9. At pre-school this morning, lots of the other mums were commenting that my son was earlier than theirs at 2.9 (he is my fourth and 2 of my others were not reliable till almost 3.5 years). Really do not worry about him not being potty trained - the problem is the nursery. I can't believe they are talking to parents like that, completely inappropriate. I would actually escaluate to the nursery owner and also make an official complaint to ofsted. I would not withdraw him immediately - I would tell them firmly that you will potty train him when he is ready and not before. They are bullying you OP and it makes me very angry on your behalf.

I would also look for a local pre-school, which will probably suit your and your son's needs better than this private nursery. But I would not jump into withdrawining him this week - make your complaint to ofsted first. xxxx

[SugarplumKate]

Just read their reply..... now I am fuming on your behalf! No nursery can insist on a child being potty trained by a certain age. Is the nursery part of a chain? Either contact head office or the nursery owner and definitiely contact Ofsted - today.

Let us know how you get on xxxxx

[DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn]

Your comments about your neighbour are nasty and irrelevant.

Trying to turn this mess into a positive - have you tried suggesting to your DS he uses the potty? If he can remove the nappy in order to urinate on the floor, then he can urinate in a potty/toilet instead.