To complain about this??

[absentmindeddooooodles]

My ds is 2.9. He goes to the nursery down the road one day a week. ( cannot afford for him to go any more regularly) just to get socialised and to try and work on seperation anxiety. velcro child syndrome

Went to pick him up today and was met by three of the nursery workers "wanting to have a talk".

This got me really worried as they looked very....strict. like I was being bloody told off.

To cut a long story short....they told me that as my son is still in nappies I would have to think about taking him out of nursery until the problem is sorted!! ( problem him not being potty trained)

They talked for a good ten mins about how its an inconvenience to them having such a big boy needing constant monitoring incase hes done a poo.

I didnt want to get into an argument and never would infront of all the kids, but did put across a couple of points:
. He is in "the baby room" as they call it. Babies from birth to 3 years. There are fewer older toddlers than babies....so I imagine they should be all set up forpchanging nappies.
.theybe never said anything to me before about him being in nappies being an issue. I have even had discussions with his keyworker about the favt that I had tried potty training him but he got a v bad bout of chicken pox right in the middle of it so we have gone back to square one.
. I dont personally think he's too old to be in nappies. He's not 3 until april and as long as he isn't rocking up to his first day of school in pampers Its fine.
. He is currently undergoing a diagnnosis for adhd and possibly as. It's bloody hard enough to get through the day without making him do something hes not ready to.

Their response to all the above was that he is more than old enough to be using a toilet and by him not doing this its taking time away from the babies who actually need looking after!!!!!

Out of the three of them who spoke to me....the youngest one ( about 16 on placement) told me it was disgusting to have to clean up a fully grown childs poo!

Im reeling and actually v embarassed as there were quite a few other parents round while this was going on.

Now I know ianbu to not be impressed with the way this was dealt with......but aibu to not have potty trained him by now?

Should he be totally out of nappies by this age? This is my first dc and moat friends dc are younger thn mine. A family member had their dd totally dry through the night by 2.5....but all kids are different.....surely its down to the individual?

Im sorry this has been so epically long...but am at a loss!
.

You have to leave aside the issue of potty training. It's not the point any more so don't keep justifying it....I also think you might be on dodgy ground if you explore this avenue further: I am old enough to remember pre disposable nappies when potty training began at 9 months (there was a much bigger incentive when you were soaking and hand washing soiled cloths) by holding the baby over the potty. It was usually complete by 18m and almost universally by 24m so it definitely can be done but THAT'S NOT THE POINT. You have chosen not to potty train yet and that is a perfectly valid position when nursery indicated that would be fine for them too.

To those laughing at early PT, it's not the fashion in this place and this time. Before disposable nappies it was normal to train much earlier than we do now, and in other countries it still is. They may not be ready in the same sense as a 3 yr old in terms of doing everything fully independently, but I can vouch for the fact that helping a 1 yr old onto the toilet at her request is a lot less work and mess than cleaning up a dirty nappy. I don't think DD's any kind of elimination super-genius, she's just got into the habit from an early age.

We used a similar method to with DS at just over 3 - put them on the potty at likely times till they start doing things by accident, then they start getting the hang of what it feels like and go as soon as they're sat on the potty, then they start telling you in advance. I don't know about how other PT methods might work at younger ages.

xpost ProfPlum

Oh yes, totally agree jasminum it's up to the parents, I already said OP's nursery totally out of order (and as is emerging, it's about a lot more than the PT issue).
Disagree slightly about trying to train too early - it depends what you count as training. I'd never push dd into anything she didn't want to do, but since 3 months she's been very happy to use a potty, we've just been following her really. It's been much less fuss for us and for her than PT DS when he was "ready" at 3.

jasminum we are on the same song sheet. The OP is completely in the right on this issue. That's exactly why I don't think she should claim it is impossible to PT by 18m (or whatever) as there she is on weaker ground and the nursery could put forward irrelevant counter arguments, thus missing the main point.

troll callers get on my nerves - report or piss off

Agree with Custardo

I can well believe this happening unfortuneately. The NDN is a complicating feature of the situation which I haven't personally come across, but that's cos I live in London where next door neighbors wouldn't generally work anywhere near the nursery etc. thank goodness for fragmented communities :) stops all this rubbish from happening.

OP good luck and I hope Monday brings good news

Surprised no one's said already, but this nursery is attached to a children's centre; why not approach Action for Children or whoever runs them in your area?

That's how the similar sounding one i temped in last year got shut down... Run by a private company on the premises of the centre and in their name. I didn't have concerns as bad as the op's but enough to feed back to the agency, the company's gone bust now - they had several sites too, sharing staff.

Disgusting behaviour.

Hope things are progressing positively for you OP

Any news OP?

Any update?

Oh my word

What utter wank badgers!

Hope all is well

Hi all. :) internet is playing silly buggers so having to rely on my non existent phone signal. Gerrr.

Update! Have been into college for meeting with tutor, hr dept and head of college ( result!) They took all I had to say really well. Turns out they had a lot of evidence in the form of emails sent between the two girls ( student and ndn) on the college intranet. They were both in disciplinary measures before this all happened for a few other issues so this is being taken very seriously.

Ndn has admitted to twlking to staff at the nursery about me. She has writtwn a 3 page letter to her tutor explaining what a monster I am. Tutor is taking this with a pinch of salt as he knows what shes like. Both girls have been suspended. ( term has finished anyway)and they have both been withdrawn from any placements ( ndn actually in paid work there so different for jer) Heard nothing back from ofsted.

Sorry.

So will be ringing them again todau to chase up.

Hv came yesterday. Told me they are a bunch of idiots (nursery ndn etc) and that she will make sure all our records are aavailable for ss to see. :)

She s said she has no concerns with me or ds.

Heard nothing back from ss.

Ndn is being horrendous. All her friends blocking our gate and drive with mopeds. ( dp has gone out and literally picked them up and moved them on a number of occassions)

Shes blaring music out at ds bedtome every night until 1am ish.

Our car also has key marks and a broken wingmirror. No proof of anything though. Am logging everything in a notebook and have started taking photos when they block us in the house/garden/drive. So will at least have that.

Just want it all to be finished now. Have had to spend literally last pennies to get over to college and council. Not what I need right now.

Police non-emergency number? Sounds like ndn is deliberately harrassing you.

Log everything and call police non emergency... Your ndn is probably getting frustrated that none of her efforts so far have actually worked so may well escalate with her horrid little friends. Fuckwits.

Poor you, you're being very brave.

Wow this nursery have really fucked up getting themselves involved in your ndn schemes. Hard to believe a professional organisation could be so stupid.

How stupid are both girls leaving a trail of evidence and how can she be a 'top student' if already in disciplinary measures! That screws the nursery with her statement and [tries very hard not to laugh] 'proffesssional' opinion.

I agree call 101 for everything that happens and get onto your council asap so you can start filling those pesky complaint forms. Make sure you record EVERYTHING no matter how trivial it seems.

I know that it is really hard for you and will probably be rougher but please see this through. It is the only way you will get any peace in the future.

God help any other vulnerable children SN or not if this pair qualify.

PS if possible keep your DP away from their stuff in case they claim he maliciously damaged it!

.

What a nightmare!

I agree with the others, contact the police and discuss everything with them. It's awful that you are going through al this though :(

How're things going OP? Hope your internet starts behaving itself again soon, it's like losing a limb these days. Is it TalkTalk by any chance??? Can't wait for our contract with them to be finished so we can have a decent supplier again.

How are you op?