Fiancee's ex-wife is jealous of my relationship with her son

[Beth9009]

Hi, wasn't sure if this was the right section as I'm new to the forum but here goes.

My fiancee was married to his ex-wife for 10 years and they had one son together, who is now 15. I met him (my now fiancee) a year after his divorce and recently we became engaged. I had met his son before the engagement but since I moved in to a new house with my fiance, I see his son all the time because he visits regularly.

I made an effort from the start to get to know him and right away we got on really well. I'm 11 years younger than my fiancee (he's 36 and I'm 25) so I'm actually closer in age to his son and we have lots on common. The trouble is, his ex-wife hates me and I know she doesn't like me spending too much time with his son. My fiancee once mentioned to her that I will be her son's step-mum after we get married so she should at least be civil with me, and she went berzerk (lol don't know how to spell that word). Obviously she hates the idea of me being a mum of any sort to her son.

Anyway, last week my fiancee was away with work and I arranged for his son and I to go to watch the rugby as we are both fans. I thought it was a nice gesture and my fiance agreed. The trouble is, his son didn't tell his mum that his dad wasn't going to be there and she assumed he was staying at his dad's over the weekend as usual. Later that night after we got back from the rugby, we were watching TV and suddenly his mum turned up at the house, banging on the door because she found out that my fiancee was away with work, and because of this she 'didn't see why her son was staying over' with just me. She basically dragged him out of the house!!

Where do I go from here? Whether she likes it or not I am marrying her son's dad and we are going to have a close relationship, even if she doesn't like the thought of it. We get on so well together and I don't understand why she would want to ruin that, apart from she is jealous Any advice?

That isn't very charitable DeMaz!

I think I may have to stick to dishing out for the time being.

Sounds as confusing as the Answer to Life, The Universe and everything (42)

I will try to find the thread though, thanks!

I had to give up reading through the entire thread but think some of the responses are dodgy what with the weird insinuations. I have a partner and a daughter from previous relationship (as well as hundreds of other kids) and he's looked after her without me around. I've never considered that I should inform her father every time? I'm the same age as you OP and can't imagine how hard it must be to take on a teenage stepchild. However, as a mother, I would be concerned if my xp's partner was so determined to be a mother-figure to my DD.

Very harsh. What's point in the 'sorry' at the end?

I think she is just very young and fighting back at being treated as very young. I have a friend who became a step mother at 24 yrs, and 40 yrs on she can say that she wasn't a good one, but she wouldn't have thought that at the time.

I agree she does come across a extremely niave. But, I really feel sorry for the boys mother. It must be a bit of a nightmare trying to get her to understand there are parental boundaries that need to be respected.

It sounds great that you are maintaining a good relationship with your partners son but what about maintaining a civil relationship with he's mother? what about birthdays u will be there and so will she!. As a mother I personally wouldn't like this set up and would like to know the arrangements.I don't mean to be rude but in ten years time I don't think you would write something like this this especially if you had children yourself. Also, bare in mind this 15 year old boy already has a mother and doesn't need another mother. Ovb, do what you are doing and maintain a good relationship with your partners son as this is great but the fact your going around stating ' your going to he's mum'.You can't just bowl up 15 years later stating ur he;s new mum when he's nearly already a man, when the hard parts of motherhood are done! Like have u ever changed a nappy? have u ever been up all night with a sick baby? I wouldn't be happy myself as the whole set up sounds really strange to me and u as a woman u are betraying her trust and not acting sisterly or civil at all. Remember, be civil to he's mother as well as your partner and he's son otherwise u may have a lot of trouble in the future. Just know your place thats all. Im also in my twenties and i have child if I ever started dating someone with a child I would also try and maintain some form of dialogue and civil behaviour with the he's mother for example why didnt u phone before u went to the game rather then lie behind her back.You decided to date this guy with a child so take what comes with it act like a lady and grow up. You may oneway need advice from he's mother oneday! Show her respect, she's been through it all, she's mature, she was married to that man and divorced him and has a child with him so respect the boundaries because oneway you might be in that situation yourself.

Good day

I just realised this was posted two years later...

How are things now?
Do u have children yet?

Didn't you see the zombie thread reminder when you went to post?