Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fiancee's ex-wife is jealous of my relationship with her son

586 replies

Beth9009 · 06/12/2013 16:50

Hi, wasn't sure if this was the right section as I'm new to the forum but here goes.

My fiancee was married to his ex-wife for 10 years and they had one son together, who is now 15. I met him (my now fiancee) a year after his divorce and recently we became engaged. I had met his son before the engagement but since I moved in to a new house with my fiance, I see his son all the time because he visits regularly.

I made an effort from the start to get to know him and right away we got on really well. I'm 11 years younger than my fiancee (he's 36 and I'm 25) so I'm actually closer in age to his son and we have lots on common. The trouble is, his ex-wife hates me and I know she doesn't like me spending too much time with his son. My fiancee once mentioned to her that I will be her son's step-mum after we get married so she should at least be civil with me, and she went berzerk (lol don't know how to spell that word). Obviously she hates the idea of me being a mum of any sort to her son.

Anyway, last week my fiancee was away with work and I arranged for his son and I to go to watch the rugby as we are both fans. I thought it was a nice gesture and my fiance agreed. The trouble is, his son didn't tell his mum that his dad wasn't going to be there and she assumed he was staying at his dad's over the weekend as usual. Later that night after we got back from the rugby, we were watching TV and suddenly his mum turned up at the house, banging on the door because she found out that my fiancee was away with work, and because of this she 'didn't see why her son was staying over' with just me. She basically dragged him out of the house!!

Where do I go from here? Whether she likes it or not I am marrying her son's dad and we are going to have a close relationship, even if she doesn't like the thought of it. We get on so well together and I don't understand why she would want to ruin that, apart from she is jealous Any advice?

OP posts:
DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 07/12/2013 20:01

pre-made Blush

I suspect if your fiance and his son read all this they'd be a bit freaked out.

scottishmummy · 07/12/2013 20:01

Look his mother is in the picture.period.be more cordial,less adversial
Just as you envisage being around long term,so will his mum

Original poster
Beth9009 · 07/12/2013 20:02

Beth - can I ask what your own family situation is, your childhood family?

I don't have any family apart from cousins who live on the other side of the country.

OP posts:
Caitlin17 · 07/12/2013 20:02

Beth you're last few posts make you sound like a spoilt, jealous child.

Coldlightofday · 07/12/2013 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 07/12/2013 20:04

OP's posts are actually starting to scare me slightly for this lad. She seems awfully fixated on him, and this relationship she wants them to have.

Coldlightofday · 07/12/2013 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

formerbabe · 07/12/2013 20:10

Finding the ops post very strange tbh. You seem to think you can be equally important to him, as his mum is. Let me tell you, you have not carried him in your belly, looked after him for 15 years and you would not lay down and die for him as I'm sure his mum would.

Are you planning on having your own children? Perhaps you just want someone to mother. A 15 year old with a mum already doesn't need you to do that.

SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking · 07/12/2013 20:11

Baubles I think the same.

moldingsunbeams · 07/12/2013 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thebody · 07/12/2013 20:13

Beth assuming you are for real you maybe need to really to stop and think why this 15 year old lad is so important to you.

I am not suggesting anything nasty here but you sound so needy and so unbelievably child like that I think you sound like YOU need the looking after hence the marrying a father figure and needing the friendship of a teenager.

the teen will leave and move on. he will find a girl his own age and have a life. his mother will remain his mother. you can never ever be that to him.

I hope your marriage is happy but make sure you are looking at the solid gold of a stable future and happy life and not the glitter if a 'happy family fantasy'

ADishBestEatenCold · 07/12/2013 20:20

Bethe would you be happy to let your partner read this thread? Including your own posts?

ADishBestEatenCold · 07/12/2013 20:21

Meant 'Beth', not 'Bethe'.

moldingsunbeams · 07/12/2013 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SatinSandals · 07/12/2013 20:24

If I was the DS I think I would emigrate with all these expectations from both sides! Why not relax and see how it pans out? No one can say, least of all him, what he is going to want to do in 3 years time or more.

dementedmumof6 · 07/12/2013 20:29

Beth I don't think the mother stopped him doing a half marathon , because it was with you, its more likely because as a 15 year old he is probably in the middle of doing prelims.

I have separated from my husband and he has a new girlfriend who has met my children , I don't dislike her but don't like her either the only thing I concern myself with is whether or not she is nice to my children, but if my children want to do something she tells them to ask me first as I am the mum not her.

I have a 15yr old ds and would be furious if my ex husbands new girlfriend tried to sign him up to half marathons or anything else that would take up a lot of time without checking with me first.

I'm sorry to say you are coming across as someone desperate to replace his mother and maybe she senses this

LadyBeagleEyes · 07/12/2013 20:29

Haven't you got any friends you can hang out with OP?
At 25 you should be going out enjoying yourself especially as your fance works away a lot.
Why are you getting so emotionally invested on a 15 year old boy.
And once he's away to uni or whatever he'll want independence, not to spend holidays with his mum, or his dad and you.
My ds is 18 now, I know even when he's on holiday he won't want to hang out with me, or his dad and stepmum.

Noctilucent · 07/12/2013 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

haveyourselfashandy · 07/12/2013 20:34

Sorry Beth,I admired your determination to have a good elationship with your future stepson but reading the last few pages...its strange,this seems to be consuming you.This will not end well for you,you seem to be obsessed with this boy and his mum.This is a woman your dp loved and had a child with,I think you need to deal with this before you marry him because this jealousy is not good for any of you.

TalkativeJim · 07/12/2013 20:34

OP, have you and your boyfriend discussed having more children? Does he want to? Do you want children of your own?

candycoatedwaterdrops · 07/12/2013 20:36

Beth You've had a rough time on here and become understandably very defensive. I think it's great that you're wanting the DS to be included and to welcome him. However, you are crossing the line and becoming over invested (as others have said). Given that he's 15, your role is not be a parent, he has them already, he's at that age where he's learning independence. Welcome him, care about him but don't assume you are his parent. If he was 5, instead of 15 and living with you 50% of the time, this thread would be very different.

Noctilucent · 07/12/2013 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoreThanChristmasCrackers · 07/12/2013 20:38

Only on M.Net Grin

puntasticusername · 07/12/2013 20:41

Sheesh. This thread is actually scaring me now.

Coldlightofday · 07/12/2013 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.