to change DD's childcare because of this comment?

[katherinelilyflower]

DD is 12 months old this month and has been with her childminder 5 days a week since she was 7 months. I am the first to admit I can be defensive about this, which is why I want to check on here first before doing anything hasty.

DC2 is due in March. Originally I'd been going to start maternity leave in February but I've been unwell so won't be going back now after the Christmas holidays (2 weeks.) I told DD's childminder about this, and she was chatting to me for a while about my plans, and I forget the exact nature of the conversation but the gist was that I'd be taking 12 months for maternity, this going back to work January 2015 when DC2 will be 10 months.

So, you'll be putting another baby of less than a year old with me five days a week, will you?

was the comment.

So - MN jury - AIBU?

Aero I suspect most child care providers didn't get into it because they positively support the notion of working parents .

Essentially they get into it because it's a service people want to buy and they like kids!

Child care professionals are poorly paid and not required to be highly qualified or life's great thinkers.

And IMVHO that's fine providing they're doing a good job. Expecting them to like you and your choices is just silly.

This is the second time I've noticed veee come onto a thread and start on about people having children that can't afford it or can't afford do do things the way she thinks they should be lol

Each time it's had nothing to do with the actual question in the OP!

Why don't you just start a thread about whatever your beef is?

I disagree with you wordfactory. If I disagreed strongly with a particular activity or lifestyle I wouldn't take on a job that facilitated it.

Very well put Mrs DeVere. Though I disagree about it being "fine" for a brickie to have a drink driving conviction - it's not fine for anyone (I don't think that's what you meant though :-))

Wow I'm surprised by some of the posts on this thread.

FWIW, I think you're right to change cm, the comments did seem a bit 'barbed' and I think it's unhealthy for a child to be in a setting where the cm disapproves of the parents. It's not nice and it's certainly not professional. The twaddle about bonding is just that, twaddle. You go ahead and 'rip' your child away from her cm in order to... Spend months with you! Errr, ridiculous.

Alot of agendas going on which have nothing to do with you. Hope you're not upset by any of those posts.

I think she is thinking about how many children she can care for. Is your lo the only child she looks after?

Do cm's really judge working mums and people who put small babies in their care?? That's mad. These are how we make a living!!
I can honestly say that as a cm I have never questioned or judged why /how often/when a mother works.
Honestly, I' m amazed.

I figure most child care providers won't give it much thought.

It is what it is and they're happy to provide the best service they can.

Some might htink it's better if babies aren't in child care settings, or five full days is too long or whatever, but if it has to be then I doubt it affects their ability to provide a good service.

Why don't you make a thread if you're so interested in my opinions.

I really don't think it matters what a childcarer thinks of the parent and their choices. As long as they don't say anything in front of the parents. I mean just think logically, in a nursery the families using it will have a wide variety of ways of parenting. Do you really think a nursery nurse is going to agree with all of them? It doesn't matter. What matters is that they love your baby and take good care of them.

Go look after your child. Oh wait they are probably lumbered with a stranger whilst you sit gossiping on line.

Where are your children Veee? Do you have any?

The welfare state is no longer prepared to pay mothers to stay at home and do nothing much longer

Dollywobbles in the context of this thread where there are posters vehemently saying that women should not have children unless they can stay home with them and not go out to work, it really should not need further explanation!
There are really just two choices here, be married to a man who earns so much that you dont need a double income, or not work but get benefits. Of course I am not saying that sahms sit on their bums all day doing nothing, this is not what the thread is about. I am also benevolently. If you have not noticed, I dont state that children are for the rich only, and I am not berating the life choice of sahms.

It is a bit ott, a woman has asked a question about whether she is right to find alternative childcare due to her childminder judging her on being a working mum, and she is met with a chorus childminders stating "why do you have kids if you cant care for them". Dont you think?

Here's something for your axe Veee

Vee, if you honestly believe that a working mums salary only pays for childcare, I can sort of see what you mean. But, salaries pays for bills, heating, food, electricity, mortgage/rent, in addition to childcare costs. Stopping work, will mean women wont need to pay their childcarer, but they also wont have an income to pay for rent/mortgage, heating and food!

Chilcare costs are not the only expense a salary covers. Is that so difficult to understand?

Paid maternity leave is just 26 weeks, so half a year, and this is why many women have to put young babies in a childcare setting.

Wow, this thread has taken a turn for the worse! Vee - do be a dear and piss off back to the 50s.

Op - I would wrench my DC away from any CM who would dare to make a comment like that to my face. If she makes that sort of comment to my face, what the hell sort of comment would she be making behind my back?! She is completely lacking professionalism.

A lot of the CMs I know have chosen to be CMs because they haven't had any choice in the matter, it is the only work they were able to do usually due to childcare cost, or lack of available childcare for them.

FWIW, DS1 has been in Daycare nursery, and with DS2 in community nursery, had 2 different CMs, a mother's help/nanny and is now very happy and settled in school. They remember fondly and still love seeing both CMs and their children, the staff at the community nursery and simply adore their old mothers help/nanny who still sees both of them regularly because of their attachment to each other.

It seems a real mix, but worked, but BOTH CMs were respectful of me, I was respectful of them, and more importantly, I warmed to both of them too. I think it's really important that a CM has that type of relationship with the parent, in a nursery environment their are more carers and so there is a type of stability in the numbers, children can chose who they click with, but in a home environment you have to trust that CM implicitly and I could never trust a CM 100% who wasn't respectful.

I'm another genuine childminder that is flabbergasted at this thread!
I must be living a sheltered life because I've never heard judgemental comments from the childminders I know.
Until fairly recently, we nearly all looked after babies under 1 for most of the week, if not full time. Flexible working rights and long maternity leave were brought in during the last 10 years or so.

I'm also surprised at the childminders and nannies on here who are posting negative comments. Is it significant that I don't remember seeing them on the Childminders and Nannies board, or have they name changed and undergone a personality change?

Anyway, Op, if you aren't happy with your current childcare, I'd suggest you take the opportunity to revisit all your options again. Childcare in your area may well have changed since you last looked so don't restrict yourself to just one option.

On top of this for many, if you step off a career ladder you will not be able to step back on the same step or even at all. I know many women who were well paid professional skilled women and unable to pick up same job after having a break.

So even if you have that choice to do so, it will affect your financial future.

It does not automatically follow that a degree of financial hardship is worth it. That makes the assumption that it's either happy children and financial hardship OR unhappy children and financial security.

I have financial security and happy children.

There is a third choice Quint:- plan,save,scrimp and get by on one salary whilst needing two.

Sorry but if we're going to have the "I don't want to fund your choices" thing hurled about it can go both ways.

Don't expect the taxpayer to fund the lifestyle choice of those using childcare if you're going to hurl the above at sahp.

Kids cost,we all know that before we have them.Plan,save and have the family you can afford.Both options are temporary and have financial costs.Not sure working families are more worthy particularly when many will pay little tax and already have their salary topped up by the state.

Having a period at home is a choice many want,it's so sad it's being taken away for many but then we're loosing a lot of things we pay for but won't necessarily benefit from- the NHS,pensions...

My post followed Quint's

It actually seems a bit pointless to post on this thread now but it's making me so angry I have to.

As a SAHM I wish I bloody did stay at home and do nothing. Obviously people who work PAY SOMEBODY ELSE to do something. Child care is a thing.

Having said that, as a SAHM I often look at the gaggle of kids going off with the childminder after playgroup and feel a bit sorry for DD2 who only has boring old me to play with and has to be dragged about to pick DD1 up from various places.

Children in childcare settings generally have more opportunities to socialise than those at home with a parent.

In any case I don't see why somebody feeling unhappy with their childminder turns into a SAH/WOH mum debate. Oh wait - because every bloody thread on mumsnet does these days.

Oh and Tired that is a feeble argument that could be easily rectified by any gov who wanted to.

The taxpayer doesn't fund childcare as far as I understand it...it's a rebate on the tax you pay as a worker to recognise that childcare is a cost