to change DD's childcare because of this comment?

[katherinelilyflower]

DD is 12 months old this month and has been with her childminder 5 days a week since she was 7 months. I am the first to admit I can be defensive about this, which is why I want to check on here first before doing anything hasty.

DC2 is due in March. Originally I'd been going to start maternity leave in February but I've been unwell so won't be going back now after the Christmas holidays (2 weeks.) I told DD's childminder about this, and she was chatting to me for a while about my plans, and I forget the exact nature of the conversation but the gist was that I'd be taking 12 months for maternity, this going back to work January 2015 when DC2 will be 10 months.

So, you'll be putting another baby of less than a year old with me five days a week, will you?

was the comment.

So - MN jury - AIBU?

Jolly if your daughter was going nursery as a baby whilst you was off of work I think thats quite bad but if she's old enough to skip shes at a great age to be in a nursery environment.

Looking after young children is a grand worthwhile job but not everyone can do it for a variety of reasons. ...

Regardless of those reasons not doing it is not as harmful as some people like to believe.

As was brilliantly pointed out FATHERS are not judged for not doing it

It's 2013 and presumably the same women extolling all women stay at home with small child put a ribbon in their hair to greet their DH at the end of the day...

I have 3 well adjusted DC. One is an Oxford candidate, one is a nurse and the other is till young (11yrs)and a latch key kid. . Her teacher commended me for having such a mature, confident happy girl. The harm I have done is hidden very well...

Well this thread is getting somewhat derailed..... back to the OP.

OP It would not be unreasonable to change your childcare arrangements because of this comment. You were definitely being judged imo and it was unprofessional of her.

However, it might not be the wisest course of action though if your CM is otherwise a very good one. Other than a nanny a CM (and I am not one) is probably imo the most flexible form of childcare after a nanny when your children are a bit older. He/She will take them to their 3 hrs nursery provision and do school runs and pick ups when all that starts which will be VERY VERY soon.

People (including childcare professionals) will judge your choices (as evidenced by this thread) regardless of where you place your children. It's more important that your children are in the best childcare provision that you can facilitate provided the professionals involved keep their opinions to themselves

If it were me, I would make no promises about a return, keep on good terms and investigate the alternatives before making a final decision. I'd also try to do that in January before number 2 comes along as it will be pretty hectic with 2 under 2 after that.

Huge congrats on your second pregnancy btw. I take it you conceived naturally after IVF for your first. What a lovely surprise!

Lol veee gets better and better at this

If you're for real I do wonder what planet you are on. You sound both naive, unintelligent and immature. My adult DC sound more rounded than you

I meet quite a few childminders and it's strange but they all criticise the parents of kids they mind. All of them! It's kind of odd,cos that's how they make their money, from working parents who outsource the childcare to them! I often hear comments about the kids who are minded fulltime, stuff like "that child won't know his parents" etc. I suspect it's because childminders often (if not mostly) become childminders because they won't leave their kids and go to work so need a job which allows them to be at home with their kids. Strange slagging off the source of income though!!

Exactly Oscar

Also getting back to the op would also like to add that nursery isn't generally well regarded for the under 2s and that a nanny or failing that a childminder with pre- school provision are generally thought of as preferable.

Feel free to ignore,belittle and berate if that makes you feel uncomfortable,I quite frankly couldn't care less.

Tired dog... no need for abuse.

It's just an opinion vee. Just like your opinions

usually yes!

And nannies. And nursery nurses.

But then waiters describe their customers as fat greedy bastards I suppose. And lawyers spend a lot of time criticising their clients.

Depends on her tone of voice and body language. She may have been thinking about her ratios or not

For someone who couldn't care retro you keep coming back...

Tired dog well stop berating others if you cant manage to get your opinion across with childish insults.

I couldn't care if my opinion offends.My opinion was asked for,I am providing it with the info I have on the subject.

The moral of the tale is if you want specific answers or support for a decision don't ask for opinions in aibu.

Just to say "childcare is bad" and "mothers at home is best" is so liyeral and B&W it's ridiculous. Of course bad childcare is..well...bad. But if it's good it's only a positive thing in everyone's life imo

I had a day nanny when mine were small (I did that instead of a CM because I don't work regular hours but all of the following applies equally to a great CM). FWIW, after 14 years, she is now one of my best friends and my DC still go to her on a Saturday morning - not because they need to but because they all love each other so much and want to be together and my DC now consider her DC to be like siblings

People used to ask me (and her) regularly if I was worried that they would love her more than me. If they knew I was their mum. If I was ever jealous of their obvious bond. Just absolutely amazing. Anybody who has had a second child knows that love does not split in two, it doubles. My kids were never in doubt who their mom was. Or have so far failed to love me although the teenager has her moments!

Her presence in my childrens life has only been a massive enhancement to it. A positive thing that has made all our lives richer, easier and better

Good childcare - no matter what it is, CM, nanny, nursery, GPs - is and can only be a positive thing for kids IMO. Something that enhances and improves their lives. It's the holy grail that all WOHPs are looking for and many of us are lucky enough to find.

I wouldn't change a thing about it and I sincerely hope that the OP manages to find the perfect setting for her DC too.

I've known a few childminders (and used one) and can honestly say I have never heard any of them speak about their mindees' parents in anything other than the most banal terms. I've never heard any judgements.
Which is why I think it's odd that the OP felt judged, although I can see why. It was a funny comment to make, strangely worded.
It's weird that a CM would judge though.

I would not remove your DD from this CM if she is happy there.

What she thinks of you and your life choices are irrelevant. It's how she cares for the children in her care that is.

Toddlers and babies need stability in their life and small group of 'special' carers to grow emotionally and develop.

A nursery is imo not the best place for very young children and babies if there is an alternative like GPs or a CM.

On the good side, a CM who has a bit of a dim view of working mothers is usually very child centred and may give your LOs extra love and cuddles.

People seem to be missing the point (although to be fair it wasn't in the OP) the OP's dd will be having a break from the CM for the duration of the OP's maternity leave. Therefore the question really is should she return to the CM with her sibling or not.

It is a natural time to consider changing settings and as someone else said the CM might not have spaces in a year/could have moved or might not even be a CM anymore.

Well it appears the OP has opinions and majority are fortunately aimed at advising on the situation rather than insulting and offending her.

Lol Mrs DV. She probably loves children though and would never harm them psychologically by putting them into care at a young age so that's what counts...

I'm sure some (many?) child care professionals think all manner of things about their employers, just as every other professional would.

But really, does it matter?

Why this need from working mothers to feel that their child care provider thinks only positive things of them and approves wholeheartedly of everything they do.

It's a bit bloody needy.

The only question is does this professional do a good job!

But wordfactory, surely if the person looking after the child for such a large amount of time, thinks it is bad for the child to be with them, it is not a great advert for that person? If I had left DS with a childminder, I would have wanted that childminder to feel they were providing good quality care, that was beneficial to DS.

No child provider should be judging the parents. Its unprofessional and rude.

OP if you are not warming to the minder I would choose a new one. Contrary to the opinion that how she cares for your child is paramount, I believe that you have to also get on with each other.

As a childminder myself I consider it very important to get on with the parents of the children I mind. It is not in the childs best interests to be unable to communicate effectively with the parents. My job after looking after the children is to ensure the parents can go to work and work effectively knowing their child is in safe hands. For them to do that they have to be 100% comfortable with me.

Most of the children I mind I have had since they were babies or starting school and some still come to me now they are in secondary education. I look after children from between 1 hour a week up to 40 hours a week - and none of them has ever called me mummy or said they wanted me to be their mummy.