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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not on for DD's teacher to pull her part in the nativity to make room for another child?

323 replies

KarenOfArc64 · 04/12/2013 19:32

It's another nativity thread, sorry. DD is year 2 and has one of the "main" parts in the nativity this year. The school organises it with the year 2s taking the main parts and any leftover year 2s in the choir, a select number of the year 1s having a minor part and the majority in the choir, and the reception children split into angels and shepherds. DD was told today that she has been demoted to choir, because another mother has complained her daughter (year 2) is upset at not having a part. Dd was one of the year 1 chosen for a minor part last year and her teacher "knew she wouldn't mind". Had DD been told that from the start I wouldn't have a problem with it, but it seems cruel to pull her part this late in the day. We've had a few other incidents this term in which this teacher doesn't seem to have treated DD completely fairly and DD is now convinced her teacher doesn't like her. AIBU to think this is a bit mean?

OP posts:
sandfrog · 08/12/2013 19:35

sykadelic15 that's a very good point. You don't know whether the teacher has arranged for this to happen, and actually advised the other parent to ask for the costume etc.

BuntyPenfold · 08/12/2013 21:34

What a dreadful situation, your poor DD.
Please update tomorrow.

LeafyGreen13 · 09/12/2013 02:57

Could they not just have added an extra angel part for the other girl and given her a couple of random lines?

Good on you OP for sticking up for your daughter and I agree that an email to the Head before the decision is made saying that you aren't happy is the way to go.

OverseasNanny · 09/12/2013 10:07

I hope you get a sensible answer from the HT this morning

Millenniumbug1 · 09/12/2013 10:12

If you get nowhere with the head, ask for a copy of the complaints policy and write to the Chair of Governors. Include the other instances you mentioned earlier.

Millenniumbug1 · 09/12/2013 10:22

Just had a wee thought .... is the other parent a school governor?

sandfrog · 09/12/2013 11:38

How did it go?

MarthasHarbour · 09/12/2013 12:11

I love adish's email ^^

good luck OP Smile

zipzap · 09/12/2013 12:22

Agree with everybody else that it's disgusting of the teacher to even think about taking away a part from a child because another parent complained that their child wanted the part.

And actually - so what if your dd had a part in the last nativity play? She got it on her own merit that she was good enough to do it, despite only being in year 1. Which suggests that this year she would be up for a good role if she has continued to develop and improve because she is likely to be even better this year - it's natural.

Why would anyone want to have a small part in the play in year 1 if it meant that they wouldn't be eligible for a part, let alone a decent part, in year 2? If the other girl had been good enough last year, she would have been given a part then. If she had been good enough this year, she would have been given a part - even a small part - this year. If they were going to take away somebody's part (not for a moment do I think that they should obviously) then why didn't they take away a part from a Year 1 child who at least would have a chance to have a part next year.

As everyone has said, the teacher should have written a couple of extra lines for the other girl so she could have been a.n.other angel and everyone would be happy. still think that they should do this.

Bet they don't want want to make any changes now because they have already printed up the programmes and can't be bothered to do it again...

Seriously hope that your dd manages to perform in both plays as the original, authentic angel gabriel.

MerryMarigold · 09/12/2013 13:38

OP, please put us out of our misery!

5Foot5 · 09/12/2013 13:39

Did anyone else see the article in The Times at the weekend (Saturday I think) about Nativity plays? They claimed that they had talked to teaching staff and had the low down about how parts in the Nativity were really cast. Apparently the Virgin Mary goes to the girl whose mother will kick up the most fuss. The Angel Gabriel is played by the girl who could have done Mary but her mother is less trouble!

FairyJen · 09/12/2013 13:48

I would also stress that your dd should get the first pick. I worry she will be shoe horned into the other performance after "she won't mind"...

I'm raging on your behalf op. I would also be wording up the other mother. I'm a total bitch of the highest order and would probably say she could have the costume and then just not bring it but that's really awful Blush

lottieandmia · 09/12/2013 13:55

I cannot believe any school would do this to a child - the other mother sounds just lovely too Hmm

OP - I really feel for your dd. I was Gabriel one year too. I would have been gutted if someone else took my part because their mum acted like a brat.

WipsGlitter · 09/12/2013 14:00

I don't think the other mother has demanded that particular part, just for her child to have a part, which I think it is ok to do. It is up to the teacher to then work out a way of making that happen, eg split the narrator part into two, have two shepherds bringing a lamb, an extra inn-keeper to refuse Mary and Joseph.

Why do teachers not realise that all parents would like to see their child with a speaking part and liaise with the teacher from last year to make sure they are shared out evenly?

Asking for the costume is not on though.

HeadfirstThroughTheTimeVortex · 09/12/2013 14:10

Why on earth didn't the teacher just rustle up an extra angel part? Just a few lines and the other girl would have been happy. This has been handled terribly.

The only fair (at this point) way of handling this now is if they both play angels in both performances and split the lines. Maybe try and add a couple more each. They obviously both want to be in the evening performance, they are both only 6, it's the only way I can see working, even if it is a bit random!

lottieandmia · 09/12/2013 14:11

I don't think it is ok to do at all. In classes of 30 not every child is going to be able to have a speaking part. There is no way I would expect my children to have a speaking part every year - that's ridiculous. To take a part from another child who has been rehearsing is disgusting.

lottieandmia · 09/12/2013 14:13

Imagine if every parent complained about the part their child had - how long would staff have to spend choreographing everything again?

HeadfirstThroughTheTimeVortex · 09/12/2013 14:17

I agree, the teacher should have said no to the mother in the first place. It's too late this time, something needs to be done to stop two little girls being upset now. Hopefully the teacher will learn from this.

WipsGlitter · 09/12/2013 14:24

Imagine if the teachers realised that the majority of parents would like their child to have a speaking part and worked out a way to make that happen! It is not hard to give 30 children even a small speaking part if you use some creativity.

I don't think any parent expects their child to have a speaking part every year, but there are numerous threads on here saying how it is the same children getting the speaking parts year after year, it certainly happens in my DSs school.

lottieandmia · 09/12/2013 14:35

I can see why it would be annoying if the same children get the best parts year after year. But there are some children who don't feel comfortable having speaking parts anyway. If the teachers don't choose children who are comfortable to speak to a room of parents then it can be awkward.

But generally the fairest thing to do is to put names of all the children who want to be considered into a hat to decide who has the main parts. But once it has been decided you don't kick up a stink weeks later - you just get on with it.

WipsGlitter · 09/12/2013 14:42

Who puts the names in the hat? The teachers or the parents? Or do the parents tell the teachers they want their child included in the draw?

toomanyeasterbunnies · 09/12/2013 14:43

Karen I feel so :( for your poor DD.

I wonder if the other mother offered to make a donation to the school fund in return for a part in Nativity? It is strange that the teacher and headteacher really don't want to upset the other girl and haven't given a thought for your dd.

NoSquirrels · 09/12/2013 14:52

Can I just suggest that, if your DD is NOT given the part in the "parents" performance, that the Head and school rustle up special tickets for you, your DH and visiting Aunt from Oz for the performance your DD is in.

Special seats, right at the front, where your DD and everyone can see.

Take no prisoners - they will have to "make an exception" in these circumstances.

lougle · 09/12/2013 14:56

Not everyone influences the schools, Millenium and not every part goes to the person whose mother kicks up a fuss.

My DD3 (Yr R) in one school has been Mary this year - she got the part because the original Mary burst into tears and said she wanted to be an angel and my DD stepped in and said 'I'll do it!' I only found out about it after the roles were cast.

My DD1 (Yr 3, special school) is Narrator of her play. I suspect it's because she's Year 3 in a Year 2/3 class and she's part of the Infants play, so they've given her a role with more words. I'm a Governor at the school but until I went to the Christmas meal last week I thought DD1 (not the most reliable source of facts) was a sheep! The HT said 'of course DD1 is the narrator...' and I said 'no, she's a sheep Confused'

I do hope they sort it for you, OP.

lottieandmia · 09/12/2013 15:18

'Who puts the names in the hat? The teachers or the parents?

The teacher, obviously. Seems fairer to me.

At high school they usually audition for a role and by that time presumably are mature enough to take the 'rejection' of not getting the part.