To think it's not on for DD's teacher to pull her part in the nativity to make room for another child?

[KarenOfArc64]

It's another nativity thread, sorry. DD is year 2 and has one of the "main" parts in the nativity this year. The school organises it with the year 2s taking the main parts and any leftover year 2s in the choir, a select number of the year 1s having a minor part and the majority in the choir, and the reception children split into angels and shepherds. DD was told today that she has been demoted to choir, because another mother has complained her daughter (year 2) is upset at not having a part. Dd was one of the year 1 chosen for a minor part last year and her teacher "knew she wouldn't mind". Had DD been told that from the start I wouldn't have a problem with it, but it seems cruel to pull her part this late in the day. We've had a few other incidents this term in which this teacher doesn't seem to have treated DD completely fairly and DD is now convinced her teacher doesn't like her. AIBU to think this is a bit mean?

[DeWe]

I have two feelings on this.
First is that you can't pull a child out from a part they are happy with. For anything except extreme bad behaviour and with warnings.
I would go to the head (not the teacher) and say that this, for your dd has been an accumilation of things that make her think the teacher doesn't like her. Explain that she is upset. If any demurring is made then point out that if this mother gets her way, why don't you.

My second feeling is due to a similar set up for plays that we used to have. Year R did a play on their own. Year 1 and 2 did one together. Year 2s took the main parts, but some of the year 2 were just chorus, and some of the year 1s had minor parts.
I felt strongly that no year 1s should have any parts until every year 2 had a part. The years 1s who had a part were invariably the ones who got the main parts in year 2.
I remember watching dd1's year 2 performance, and there was one scene where several children had short 1 liners. In it were three year 1s with lines, several without, and 2 year 2s without lines. One of those year 2s was a lovely little girl who was quiet, and was very much an overlooked child. As she sat and watched the others speak, her face told you exactly how sad she was that she couldn't have said one of those lines. And the year 1s who had lines didn't deliver them spectacularly well, she would have been at least as good as them, I know from hearing her in assemblies. It wasn't fair.

Now they do the plays separately, one year at a time. You still tend to have the best parts taken by the same people, but it is less rubbing the noses in it.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

If, having checked with the school, they'd confirmed this was what was happening, I would have gone absolutely ballistic at the school.

This is the sort of injustice that children remember for years and years.

[hermioneweasley]

Kick up a stink. Outrageous

[ProudAS]

Absolutely despicable!

Keep us posted

[coppertop]

I don't understand why the teacher would have told your dh that it was because the other parent complained. Wouldn't this be confidential information?

[AnAdventureInCakeAndWine]

Not giving your DD a part at all because she had a part last year would have been fine (not necessarily the best way of doing things, but fine). Taking her part away at this stage is punishing her for either the oversight of the school or the stroppiness of the other mother (depending on where the rights and wrongs of the other child's not having a part lie) and that really isn't on; it's gobsmacking that a school could be that cruel and insensitive. If they needed to include the other child it would probably have been easy to write in another minor part, or possibly to take some lines from one of the existing characters with lots of lines and give them to a new character.

[spiderlight]

Very unfair!!

[manicinsomniac]

This is appalling. Did you go in this morning?

As a teacher, I just can't imagine thinking how I would ever get away with doing that, even if I didn't think it was wrong. How could he/she not think you would complain?!

[KarenOfArc64]

I'm going in to see the head this afternoon, and I will be kicking up a fuss! Dd didn't want to go into school today as they're rehearsing the nativity this afternoon- can't say I blame her! I really don't want to come across as one of these pushy school play mothers, but I do think this was an inappropriate solution where 6 year old are concerned.

[Spatsky]

A part share is the only reasonable solution as far as I can see.

School cocked up by giving your daughter the part in the first place when others that didn't get a part last year were over looked but their solution is entirely wrong also.

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

You're not being pushy at all. Completely unacceptable to do this.

[notapizzaeater]

I'd be furious. My ds didn't want to be in the play (special needs) but 2 days before he changed his mind. The school quickly wrote another part with a couple of lines for him to do.

[deXavia]

I am very much of a "que sera sera" attitude to most things but I would be going ballistic at this. So one child was upset and the answer was to pick another child and make them upset? Seriously they couldn't think of any other way of splitting parts/lines? Its a P2/P1 nativity - these things can be sliced and diced a million different ways.

[5Foot5]

Dd was one of the year 1 chosen for a minor part last year and her teacher "knew she wouldn't mind".

but:

Dh picked the Dcs up today and Dd's teacher explained that Dd was upset over it.

So she has seen that your DD is upset so was talking b***ks when she said she "knew she wouldn't mind"

I would be having a word too. Even if she doesn't get the part back I would want that teacher to know exactly how I felt about the way she had mismanaged this and how unhappy I was at the unfair and upsetting treatment of your DD.

[CrohnicallySick]

I can't believe how some schools share out the parts for plays! Giving speaking parts to some year 2s and some year 1s.

In our school, every last year 2 has a speaking part. Even the little boy with a severe speech problem said "merry Christmas" at the end. Some years we have to split parts so that there are enough to go round (so where the script calls for 4 narrators, we might have 6. Or an extra angel, with bits of lines taken off other children. Or even writing in an extra part). All this is done before the children even know what the play is called, so they are unaware. If we have children with SEN, there is a (non-crucial) part for them so they can take part or not depending on their mood on the day.

Very rarely, year 1s will get speaking parts, if they are pushed into a speaking part at the last minute if someone is ill, or doesn't turn up for the evening performance. Year 1s usually get the dancing/acting parts that don't require speaking.

Reception almost always do a nativity tableau at some point. With lots of angels, shepherds and animals! All they have to do is sit on the stage (guided on by an adult or one of the older children) and look cute.

It works. Reception children can't wait till it's their turn to dance. Year 1s can't wait till it's their turn to speak. And since we do it the same way every year, every child gets their turn, none of this 'she had a speaking part last year'. And the only reasons for taking a child's part off them is for extreme bad behaviour (so extreme it hasn't actually happened yet) or if a child really, really didn't want to do it. Usually if a child says they don't want to, we buddy them up and they say their line with someone else.

[diddl]

Sounds awful.

Hope you get something sorted OP.

And don't be guilt tripped!

[ediblewoman]

Any news? Your poor DD, teacher sounds thoughtless (at best).

[Groovee]

I'm stunned. I'd not be leaving until this teacher understands how she is making your daughter feel.

[KarenOfArc64]

Ht wasn't available so ende up speaking to the class teacher, who says she can't change it now because the girl who now has did original part will be upset so I'm now drafting an email to the head. Dd came out of school upset at having to sit and watch everyone else rehearse (the choir children seem to be left to watch everyone else in rehearsals) and to top it all off I came home to an email from the other girls mum asking if she could borrow the costume if I already have one sorted I'm livid.

[KarenOfArc64]

Who has dd's original part, sorry, autocorrect

[PointyChristmasFairyWand]

The other girl's mum asked to borrow your DD's costume??? .

Cheek does not begin to describe it.
Nuclear would not begin to describe my reaction.

Your DD's teacher made the first mistake. She now has to deal with the other girl's upset when she changes things back. I'd be staging a sit in tomorrow if the HT was 'unavailable'. Don't let yourself be fobbed off.

Bloody hell...

[waltermittymissus]

I cannot believe what I'm reading!!!

Don't you dare let this drop, what an utter bitch.

And, ok it's not other mum's fault but I'd be telling her where to go too!