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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not on for DD's teacher to pull her part in the nativity to make room for another child?

323 replies

KarenOfArc64 · 04/12/2013 19:32

It's another nativity thread, sorry. DD is year 2 and has one of the "main" parts in the nativity this year. The school organises it with the year 2s taking the main parts and any leftover year 2s in the choir, a select number of the year 1s having a minor part and the majority in the choir, and the reception children split into angels and shepherds. DD was told today that she has been demoted to choir, because another mother has complained her daughter (year 2) is upset at not having a part. Dd was one of the year 1 chosen for a minor part last year and her teacher "knew she wouldn't mind". Had DD been told that from the start I wouldn't have a problem with it, but it seems cruel to pull her part this late in the day. We've had a few other incidents this term in which this teacher doesn't seem to have treated DD completely fairly and DD is now convinced her teacher doesn't like her. AIBU to think this is a bit mean?

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 09/12/2013 15:44

But the flaw seems to be the teachers making judgements that the parents disagree with. So a teacher thinks a child isn't capable of a part and doesn't include them so then the parent is unhappy because they do think their child is capable of a part. And then we end up with situations like this!!

lottieandmia · 09/12/2013 16:01

Putting names in a hat doesn't involve judgement - it's pot luck. That's why it's fairer. All the children who want to be put into the hat have the chance to be picked.

zipzap · 09/12/2013 18:18

It would be interesting to see what the head would say if you said that the teacher had made the change on the assumption that your dd wouldn't mind. But she obviously does so the assumption and therefore the action was wrong.

So what the teacher should do is to ask all the children if there is anybody that does want to swap to be a crowd angel and let the other girl have their five minutes of fame lines. I'll bet that nobody does. In which case why is it fair to take it off your dd?

I still think that you need to say that even if your dd does the one performance and the interloper other child does the one to the school other one, that you are not happy as it means that your dd still misses out and what's more she is going to be missing out on effectively having a dress rehearsal in front of the school for the proper performance.

I'd also be mentioning that you are horrified by the way that this whole fiasco has been handled, and that you will be making a complaint to ofsted about how they are prepared to ride roughshod over one little girl's feelings just because their mother demanded a place in the nativity just before the performance was due. OK so I can hear some people say that it's just a nativity performance, chill, it's not worth complaining to ofsted about. But actually - it reflects really badly on how the teacher has given in to parental pressure (and I don't think your demands to have your dd reinstated count as you just want things put back the way they were) and undermined your dd. Imagine all the other things that are being done if this is seen as OK. It's just a small but visible insight into the ethos of the school and it's not a nice one. As many people have said on here - it's happened to them in the past and it IS something that has stayed with them well into their future. Who's not to say that it won't affect your dd too.

Whatisaweekend · 09/12/2013 18:21

Any update OP?

PeopleAreAfraidToMerge · 09/12/2013 21:45

Bump! Been following the saga all weekend. Your poor DD, I hope the Headteacher pulls their head out of their arse

HamletsSister · 09/12/2013 21:45

This is appalling. Terrible. What did the head say today?

BuntyPenfold · 10/12/2013 17:37

No update?

Turniphead1 · 10/12/2013 17:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

ChameleonCircuit · 10/12/2013 19:48

I'm hoping OP has been busy making THE most elaborate Angel Gabriel costume for both performances, having metaphorically kicked HT and CT (clueless teacher) seven ways til Sunday. Grin

Tabliope · 10/12/2013 20:03

Havent' read the whole thread sorry if it's been mentioned but there was an article in the DM the other day (sorry for the source) saying that a parent had offered the teacher free spa/beauty treatments if her DD could have the main part. I think it's disgusting that things like this are being done including what's happened to your DD. You just don't do that to kids. There's no excuse for the teacher to have given in to this mother. We've all had the disappointment of our kids coming home saying they haven't got a part or not the part they wanted but it's a life lesson for kids to get on with this. I wouldn't dream of haranguing the teacher for a better part for my kid - have these parents no shame?

Tabliope · 10/12/2013 20:06

The HT should have apologised, instructed the staff to not cave in to pushy parents in the future but in this case another little girl is going to be hurt by her parent's actions so I think they should both do one performance but because your DD had the part first she chooses which one and the HT presents it to the other mother/DD that they're doing the other performance, not ask them! Tell them and that's the end of that as far as the HT is concerned. Has the HT no backbone either? What is it with everyone trying to appease everyone. He/she should make a decision and act like they're in charge like they're being paid to be.

seafoodudon · 10/12/2013 20:19

Come on OP, we're all rooting for DDofArc - update us please!!

CrohnicallySick · 10/12/2013 20:49

We have 50 or so speaking parts in our play this year. The shortest part is only 1 line, but it goes to show it is possible! And the lines are matched to the child's ability- the child with that one line is challenged enough by it, other children have longer or more lines because they can cope with it.

jedishelly1 · 10/12/2013 20:53

Blatantly marking my place, hoping for an update!

CrohnicallySick · 10/12/2013 20:55

Putting names into a hat would be unfair as you run the risk of a child with SEN getting a part that is beyond their abilities.

Either that or you would need to reconfigure the script so that all the parts were roughly the same complexity (bearing in mind that might be too complex for a child with SEN so they are excluded again, and it means holding back a child who might be able to cope with more words to learn).

Or you allocate parts for children with SEN separately to make sure they get something that is suitable for them- but then you're breaking the rules of 'picking names out of a hat' and other parents will want their child to be given special consideration, and it's making it more obvious that the children with SEN are being treated differently. (If you're picking names out of a hat, you can be darned sure that parents/children/PTA will want to witness it to make sure there's no funny business going on, so no chance to discreetly drop some names from the hat! Or if there are no witnesses they will claim it's a fix if their darling doesn't get Mary)

EverythingIsTinselyBaubleyBoo · 10/12/2013 21:07

Hoping for a good outcome and shamelessly marking place for an update

MarthasHarbour · 10/12/2013 21:59

Marking for update

auntpetunia · 11/12/2013 07:13

Bloody hell! Just read whole thing …outrageous. I hope you've insisted DD does the parents performance.

Whatisaweekend · 11/12/2013 09:55

Come back OP!! What has happened??

diddl · 11/12/2013 11:46

OP!

(was that loud enough?)BlushGrin

ADishBestEatenCold · 11/12/2013 18:24

Has OP not come back yet? It surely must all be resolved by now. It'll soon be time for the performances to take place.

waltermittymissus · 11/12/2013 19:07

OP please come back!

HamletsSister · 11/12/2013 20:04

Come baaaaaaaacccccckkkkkk

BuntyPenfold · 11/12/2013 20:37

Was this all made up then?

EverythingIsTinselyBaubleyBoo · 11/12/2013 20:45

You know what Bunty I do hope so! Not that I enjoy wasting my time or seeing other people share their stories and time, but to know there isn't really an upset little girl would be nice.

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