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AIBU?

To think it's not on for DD's teacher to pull her part in the nativity to make room for another child?

323 replies

KarenOfArc64 · 04/12/2013 19:32

It's another nativity thread, sorry. DD is year 2 and has one of the "main" parts in the nativity this year. The school organises it with the year 2s taking the main parts and any leftover year 2s in the choir, a select number of the year 1s having a minor part and the majority in the choir, and the reception children split into angels and shepherds. DD was told today that she has been demoted to choir, because another mother has complained her daughter (year 2) is upset at not having a part. Dd was one of the year 1 chosen for a minor part last year and her teacher "knew she wouldn't mind". Had DD been told that from the start I wouldn't have a problem with it, but it seems cruel to pull her part this late in the day. We've had a few other incidents this term in which this teacher doesn't seem to have treated DD completely fairly and DD is now convinced her teacher doesn't like her. AIBU to think this is a bit mean?

OP posts:

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ProphetOfDoom · 31/12/2013 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RunRabbit · 19/12/2013 21:48

Hope everything went well

Blueandwhitelover · 18/12/2013 19:04

How did it go?

Shelby2010 · 18/12/2013 10:21

Was the play last night? How did it go?

PointyChristmasFairyWand · 14/12/2013 21:23

A good outcome, but I second those posters who are suggesting you still raise the bias the class teacher has against your DD - especially now that said teacher has been overruled, there's a chance she will try to make your DD's life a misery and that must not be allowed to happen.

BuntyPenfold · 14/12/2013 20:21

I'm glad your DD has her part back, but the whole affair is very shady. I would still want to know how this treatment of a child can possibly be justified and what agenda this teacher has.

Sleepyhoglet · 14/12/2013 20:17

The situation is disgusting. It's bad enough that the teacher has made the wrong decision in the first place but even worse that the headteacher hasn't stepped in to sort it out. I am livid for you.

MidniteScribbler · 14/12/2013 13:36

I would make waves with the school, I would raise hell with the HT. But right now we're talking about two very young children at the heart of this situation.

The other child is NOT at fault. Her mother is a twerp, her teacher is twit and her head teacher is a wet fish. But NONE of that is the fault of either young child in this situation.

Do you really think that a child, with no more maturity than the OP's daughter, is going to sit back and be happy about the part she was told was hers being taken away from her? What lesson are we trying to teach the other child here? She's in exactly the same situation that the OP's child was, but no one seems to care about her feelings either.

It would be very easy to manage the sensitivities of both children here. You can easily add a few lines to a play. If we can have lobsters at the birth of Jesus, then we can have two angels.

clam · 14/12/2013 12:28

And if I were the OP, I'd use it as a valuable teaching moment and suggest that my child 'give' the other child a few of her lines.

That's not a decision for the OP or her dd. And at no point were they even given the opportunity to suggest it, as the part was unceremoniously taken away and given in its entirety to someone else. The school made the decisions here, all of them pretty poor ones, apart from the self-serving one to re-instated the OP's dd at the last minute. The whole thing was totally avoidable, and I agree with tabliope that a letter/email such as she suggests is in order asap.

MidniteScribbler · 14/12/2013 12:21

The other little girl knew that minijoan was devastated at losing her part. She cleary wasn't fussed about that.

We're talking about children in year 2. The politics of parents and nativity plays are way beyond the logic of a child of that age. This girl has had the part she wanted taken away from her, just like the OP's daughter had. Although it was never hers to begin with, we're still talking about children in year 2. It wouldn't be hard for the school to create a few extra lines in the play for this girl. And if I were the OP, I'd use it as a valuable teaching moment and suggest that my child 'give' the other child a few of her lines. In a world where we have lobsters in the nativity play, then we can indulge a few extraneous lines for a child that has been just as hurt by the adults in her life as the OPs daughter has.

Tabliope · 14/12/2013 10:46

Glad your DD got to do the performance she wanted to do.

I'd wait until after the performance but I'd be writing a letter to the HT at how badly this has been handled, how wrong it was to keep two children dangling, how worried you are that teachers are easily swayed by pushy parents, how no one took charge of the situation (i.e. the head) earlier, how upset and stressed your DD has been when at that age she shouldn't be worrying about anything, how it's affected your home life for the past two weeks and how it has left a bad taste. Frankly it's been disgusting.

clam · 14/12/2013 10:24

Where's the goodwill? If I were to don my cynical hat, I'd say that the school has just cottoned on to the fact that they might be left with a "no-show" for the performance as the Other Child might still be sick, so they're falling back on your dd as a back-up.

I think you have every reason to still be extremely pissed off about this.

pudcat · 14/12/2013 10:07

Well common sense and goodwill prevails at long last. BUT please do not let this go. This teacher does not like your child and has been uncaring and quite frankly, cruel towards her. Now she has been over ruled by HT she is not going think more favourably to your dd. I have known teachers like this and who will be even more uncaring. So please keep a watch on your dd to make sure she is not being victimised.

Metebelis3 · 14/12/2013 08:39

The other little girl knew that minijoan was devastated at losing her part. She cleary wasn't fussed about that.

MidniteScribbler · 14/12/2013 05:03

I must say, I do feel sorry for the other little girl in all this now. She's now going to suffer because of the actions of her mother, the teacher and the head teacher. The OP knows how devastated her daughter was because of this, well I imagine the other little girl is just as upset now. Surely the school could find a middle ground and make up a few new lines and a part for her? She's done nothing wrong in all of this.

MerryMarigold · 14/12/2013 04:02

That's great. Do speak to the HT about the other stuff. It will look good that you've been so restrained on this.

Whatisaweekend · 13/12/2013 23:31

That is wonderful news. for you and your daughter!

zipzap · 13/12/2013 23:07

Yay - great to hear that your dd will be doing the performing even if it was because the other girl was poorly and so there was no real choice to be made!

When the other mother told you that she was livid but didn't blame you, I hope that you told her that you were livid and you did blame her in part for causing your dd (and to lesser degrees - by knock on effect - you, and by knock on effect - most of the participants on this thread) so much heartache and distress. Teacher is also responsible for pandering to her demands but if she hadn't kicked off then none of this need have happened.

Break a leg to your dd for the performance!

diddl · 13/12/2013 22:36

Oh come on, the HT has done nothing!

The other girl has been ill & not been in school to practice!

There was no decision to make!

ajandjjmum · 13/12/2013 22:31

So the HT grew some balls - about time!

I would suggest that you make an appointment to see the HT in the new year, saying that you want to discuss your concerns - then there's no chance of them being forgotten or pushed to one side.

(and hopefully the class teacher will have few sleepless nights wondering what you're going to say!)

clam · 13/12/2013 22:11

Well, you've got the outcome you wanted, i.e. your dd has her part back, but I still don't think the school has come out of this very well. They are letting her do it because the other girl has been off sick. Had she not been, then they were still more concerned with not upsetting or disappointing the other child, at your dd's expense.
Is your dd doing both performances, by the way?

lottieandmia · 13/12/2013 21:59

Karen, that is great news and I am glad school did the right thing in the end.

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diddl · 13/12/2013 21:59

Good outcome.

Wonder what it would have been if the other little girl hadn't been sick!

The HT has hardly had to make a decision really!

ProphetOfDoom · 13/12/2013 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rookietherednosedreindeer · 13/12/2013 21:37

Yay - I really did not expect that result at all , but am so pleased to hear it.

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