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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

me chooseto ignore me when we go pregnant

142 replies

aloneforsure · 01/12/2013 07:46

he keeps on ignoring my msgs even when i have left day and weeks inbetween msgs and i kept the topic about the baby, was civil to him ans wished him well etc.

i even sent him a pic of me holding a postive test ( he implied i was lying first of all). and i invited him to any scans, plus offered DNA etc.

the only talk we has lasted 7 mins, when he lecured me on the morning after pill and said it would be best if we had NO contact.

AIBU to just want to know how he feels about the baby?

OP posts:
Original poster
aloneforsure · 01/12/2013 07:49

sorry it should read he (my boyf) chose to ignore me, and im pregnant

OP posts:
MinesAPintOfTea · 01/12/2013 07:50

I'm afraid he's telling you how he feels about the baby and it isn't positive. Suggest you plan for a future without taking him into account Brew

Mumof3xx · 01/12/2013 07:50

How old are you both?
How long were you together?

I guess baby wasn't planned?

StealthPolarBear · 01/12/2013 07:50

He's telling you loud and clear how he feels about the baby, I'm afraid. And about you.
I'm sorry.

bragmatic · 01/12/2013 07:51

I think you already know how he feels about the baby. Will you pursue child support? If not, then leave it. If so, then see about his financial responsibilities by contacting the relevant social services. I'd leave contact with him, regardless. It's clear he wants nothing to do with either you or the baby. Good luck.

Misfitless · 01/12/2013 07:53

I think you know how he feels about the baby.

It's natural for you to want to discuss this with him, and for you to wish he wanted to be involved in your pregnancy.

Sadly, every time you contact him, you are opening yourself up to more hurt brought on by his rejections of you and your unborn baby.

Surround yourself with positive friends and family who want to be involved and save your emotional energy for the fantastic journey ahead.

Good luck Thanks

MrsLouisTheroux · 01/12/2013 07:53

Sorry OP. He's telling you he doesn't want you or the baby.
So sorry for you.

Retroformica · 01/12/2013 07:54

I take it you are not in a relationship? What did he say in the lecture about the morning after pill?

To be honest i would joust send odd texts and not bombard at this stage. It may be hard for him to predict how he will feel about baby when the baby arrives. Often a woman is more excited anyway. However all cards will be thrown in the air come the birth. Many people have overwhelming feeling of love towards a baby. Strong feelings that come unexpectedly from nowhere.

atomicYuleLoghurt · 01/12/2013 07:55

YANBU but he's already told you how he feels. Sorry, but its better to find our now than later. You next to think about whether you want to get money for child support or not. If not you need to think about your future without him and make decisions based on that.

StealthPolarBear · 01/12/2013 07:58

Why would she not want to pursue him for child support? Unless she is so wealthy herself that any money he provides would be a drop in the ocean

Retroformica · 01/12/2013 07:59

It maybe that he wants to duck out but actually it's very likely that he is shit scared. Maybe he can only see the negatives (loss sleep/social life effected) and not the positives yet.

My DH was really frightened with the first despite being a fully grown man. Some of his mates were the same so I don't think it's unusual.

Original poster
aloneforsure · 01/12/2013 08:05

we are not togther, but i told him that he could have contact when he wanted. so i doubt it is that. in fact his life can only be enriched.

in the 7 mins covo we had he reckoned i did it to entrap him? which was so far from the truth id laughable, ive been sick in hospital, so we ahem made up for things when i felt well enough.

does child support depend on what they guy earns? or is it a set amount

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ZillionChocolate · 01/12/2013 08:09

Depends on what he earns.

Original poster
aloneforsure · 01/12/2013 08:16

the thing is, if he keeps ignoring me, i want to change the tables. i think ive beeen far to nice, my next email, which i will i send inabout a week time will give him a choice, he gets in cotact and talk about ALL options. or he will get a deduction from the csa each week with nothing to for it.

i have only just moved so he does not know of my address, and he lives in another city. another poster was right, everytime i contact him, and get NO response or a kick in the teethone, it only hurts me.

by letting him wonder about his progeny, is a boy/girl etc may make him see sense, if it dosent then we will get by on his child suport.

i may even hint that im thinking of aborting ( thats what he wants) to see his reaction

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Original poster
aloneforsure · 01/12/2013 08:18

hmmmm thinking of some emails

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fancyanotherfez · 01/12/2013 08:18

I don't think telling him he can have contact when he wants is helpful for the child- having someone wander in and out whenever they feel like it will not be good for the baby in the long term. If he's not worried about the life changes, he's telling you loud and clear that he's not interested in having a child. He should have thought of that before, but hey. His loss. Plan for a life as a single parent and look after yourself Flowers

Mumof3xx · 01/12/2013 08:18

That's a bit immature

sparkle101 · 01/12/2013 08:22

He's telling you what he wants. I don't think throwing abortion into the mix just to get a reaction is a good idea at all and not very thought through.

ICameOnTheJitney · 01/12/2013 08:22

Don't play games. Rise above him and get on with your pregnancy. You're going to be without him it seems....not easy at all but you can do it.

RedHelenB · 01/12/2013 08:23

You need to grow up & prioritise your baby if you are planning on keeping it - babies aren't pay per view!

fancyanotherfez · 01/12/2013 08:23

I think it sounds like you are hoping that he will say 'Oh No! Don't abort my baby! lets live happily ever after!' when by the sounds of it, he'll see it as his get out of jail free card. How will you feel if he agrees to the abortion? Have an abortion if you want one, not for anyone else.

Original poster
aloneforsure · 01/12/2013 08:25

fanncyanotherfez, thats a good point ive not thought of, the chances are he wont want much to do with/him/her. he may want no contact whatsoever with baby after he/she born.

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Shakirasma · 01/12/2013 08:26

You would lie about thinking of aborting? That is using the child as a weapon and it hasn't even been born yet!

I'm sorry you are in this position, but if your really are keeping the baby then you need to grow up fast.

mumToOne33 · 01/12/2013 08:28

OP plan your life with your baby assuming he won't be around - it doesn't sound like he wants to be involved. Now is the time to focus on giving yourself and your baby a positive future, forget the dad if he doesn't want to be there.

Child support is based on his income, you will want to get it organised.

Original poster
aloneforsure · 01/12/2013 08:29

i want him to admit that he wants the baby aborted.

whats the best way to do that?

!do u want an abortion them seems so crass"

i know he does not give a damn about me or our baby.

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