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AIBU?

me chooseto ignore me when we go pregnant

142 replies

aloneforsure · 01/12/2013 07:46

he keeps on ignoring my msgs even when i have left day and weeks inbetween msgs and i kept the topic about the baby, was civil to him ans wished him well etc.

i even sent him a pic of me holding a postive test ( he implied i was lying first of all). and i invited him to any scans, plus offered DNA etc.

the only talk we has lasted 7 mins, when he lecured me on the morning after pill and said it would be best if we had NO contact.

AIBU to just want to know how he feels about the baby?

OP posts:

Report

pinkdelight · 01/12/2013 08:32

This sounds very childish, photos of you with the test result and floating 'aborting' in a text. Is this really hiw young people conduct relationships now?!

You've moved away physically, now move on mentally. You can't pursue financial support till you've had the baby afaik, as he's bound to insist it's not his. Stop tormenting yourself - this child clearly wasn't planned so his reaction is not nice but shouldn't be a shock to you. Erase his negativity, communicate with him (if you must) through a mature third party (and through legal channels when the time comes), ocus on your future with the baby as a single mum, that will take up all of your energy. Good luck and congratulations! (Assuming you are really thinking of 'aborting' - i'm pro-choice, but dear god, what a way to say it)

softlysoftly · 01/12/2013 08:32

I can't imagine why he thought you were manipulative enough to "entrap" him

I think maybe you need to grow up.

Shakirasma · 01/12/2013 08:33

But why do you need him to admit that? What will hearing it achieve?

You have chosen to continue the pregnancy, he is not interested. For the sake of your child please get over him and focus on your future without him in it. What he thinks or wants is now irrelevant if you have made the choice.

pinkdelight · 01/12/2013 08:34

"i want him to admit that he wants the baby aborted."

Why??? Will that make you feel better? Do you want to tell your child one day? Maybe keep the text as evidence?

Yabu. Forget him. Grow up.

valiumredhead · 01/12/2013 08:34

Stop texting and emailing, have conversations face to face about this or on the phone at a push.

SootikinAndSweep · 01/12/2013 08:34

Why do you need him to admit it? He's been very clear that he doesn't want to be a father (his 'lecture' about the MAP, plus him saying you've 'trapped' him), and that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

Do you want an abortion?

Spychic · 01/12/2013 08:37

Why would you want him to admit that?? How awful I'd your child found out one day; his feelings may well change after the birth but once the words are out there they could cause pain years later.

I know you are hurting, I'm so sorry you're going through this alone. But please focus on taking care of yourself and baby, attempts to get revenge or control your ex will only cause more suffering.

ZillionChocolate · 01/12/2013 08:37

Doesn't matter whether he wants a termination or not. This is your decision. You have to look at whether you want this baby as a single parent. Do not rely on having any input from him.

Rather than playing silly games, you would be better spending your time preparing for this baby.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 01/12/2013 08:40

Op, do YOU want this baby? If so, you need to back away from him (no contact, no games) and concentrate on getting things ready for your child. As well as practical stuff like cot, pram etc this also means getting yourself in a good place. Ignore this man. Be positive about being a mother. Talk to csa to fibd out how to apply for maintenence. Put your energies into your baby.

Finola1step · 01/12/2013 08:43

You are playing a very dangerous game here alone. Let me put this very clearly to you. He didn't believe you were pregnant. He thinks you got pregnant to trap him. He does not reply to your messages. He is not happy about the pregnancy and this will not change.

If you say anything about an abortion, he still will not be bothered. He sees this pregnancy as your problem and a mistake. It does not matter if he admits to you that he wants you to have an abortion. Only you can make that decision.

He wil not come running back wanting to play happy families. So the choices you have are:

You choose not to continue with the pregnancy
You have the baby and go for financial support for the baby via the CSA
You have the baby and go it alone
You have the baby and give the baby up for adoption.

The father is making it perfectly clear that he wants no emotional involvement with this child. I am sorry to be so blunt, but you need a firm talking to before you make some very silly mistakes.

Do your family and friends know? What do they think. How long were you seeing this man for? How old are you both?

aloneforsure · 01/12/2013 08:45

ive not chosen yet.

oh fyi

it was him that asked e to post pic pf preg result,bit not sure aboue what is so crass about that.

if i can ever get him to speak to me or even ext me, then i would know his feelings on abortions. i think he would assume i would automatically get one, then our active life would assume.

it matters to me what the father or out child thinks.

he wont respond to civil nice txt about baby.

i could ignore him and forever wonder and ket him have his silent treatment or I could get him to man up and tell me, yes he has made it clear he wants nothing to do with me ( but why?) and the child is the innocent party and should she suffer cos her dad does not have the balls to say, he does not want occasional contact.

OP posts:

Mumof3xx · 01/12/2013 08:47

Op are you and he fairly young?

SootikinAndSweep · 01/12/2013 08:50

He asked you to send him the picture because he doesn't trust you not to lie about being pregnant. Surely that shows in itself that the relationship is no good.

So, that leaves you with having a baby on your own, or not.

How you you feel about having the baby by yourself? All this seems to be about what he feels and wants. It's like you're using his view on fatherhood and abortion to judge whether you should continue with the relationship.

NK5BM3 · 01/12/2013 08:51

How far along are you? I think you need to stop playing these games and decide for the sake of the unborn fgs.

What do you mean by (I'm paraphrasing here) if you abort then you can resume your active life??? An abortion is not a means of birth control!!!

Pimpf · 01/12/2013 08:53

How old are you? If you decide to have this baby (I think you really need to forget about this man/boy) then you have a lot of growing up to do and very quickly. This child needs a mature adult to look out for him/her

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 01/12/2013 08:54

You sound all over the place op.

Do you have some real life support? Mum? Friends?

Stop thinking about what he wants and doesn't want. If you want the baby, plan your life as a single parent. Contact the csa etc. I understand you are hurting but chasing him wont help you.

AnUnearthlyChild · 01/12/2013 08:55

If he wants nothing to do with him, then ignore him.

Stops trying to make him care. He dosent care. No amount of hysteria and childish threats on your part will change that.

When the baby is born go through CSA for support.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 01/12/2013 08:57

You don't need to 'forever wonder'. He has made it perfectly clear how he feels. Is there a Brook advisory centre near you? You sound like you need rl support.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 01/12/2013 08:58

OP you sound incredibly immature. You really need to think about whether you are ready and capable of being a parent before your pregnancy progresses any further.

It is hard to understand your posts, but are you suggesting that you would continue a relationship with him after he has treated you so horribly?

HairyGrotter · 01/12/2013 09:02

You both sound idiotic and what a shame.

Grow up, well, you will when that baby arrives (fingers crossed). DD's bio dad was like your ex BF, I left it at that and we've not seen or heard from him since 2008.

Have some dignity, and grow up

ouryve · 01/12/2013 09:10

It's an unfortunate and not uncommon situation. Having sex resulted in what having sex is designed to achieve, which is not something that he wants.

You will gain nothing by pursuing him, trying to get him to admit his feelings on abortion, etc. You will be hurt even more than you already are, though. It's time to acknowledge that you have stepped fairly and squarely into the world of adulthood, accept that by this time next year, you will be a mother and prepare yourself for that role. If you need financial support then do that through the CSA.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 01/12/2013 09:33

He sounds like an immature waste of space

If you want the baby I would ensure you have family support and assume you will be doing it alone.

But also get him to contribute financially.

Don't try to manipulate him. Just put your efforts into you and your baby.

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aloneforsure · 01/12/2013 09:34

no i dont have any family and his maters were mine and i moved hours away. his friends naturally take his side and don want anything to do with it, one even made a bet saying, " i be she will miscarry before the scan she has invited you too etc.

I kmow that he does not want me ( but it be nice to know why) and why is he so against the pregnancy, he said he wanted kids someday? well he is now 31, he is not a teenager that just wants out with the lads.

he knows im the the type to cheat, but when i was in hospital for kidneys, he never asked about me or the baby.

I feel like people are not getting the point.

we are not teens that had a one night stand.

Short of copying the msgs on here, believe me I did my best to try and be mature about the whole thing. I either get terse/ medical type response or ignored

I need to make my very mind up soon if I wish to terminate ( as that maybe best for us, tho generally Im against abortion.

I would just like an option for us to sit as adults and discuss things.

he is ignoring his own kid and i want to know what HE WANTS/THINK.

AND FYI, I DO NOT EXPEXT US TO GET BACK TOGETHER

OP posts:

aloneforsure · 01/12/2013 09:38

NO,

and we got together we both decided we want children one day. at present it is akward for him due to his career. and I am in poor health, so if i do have the baby im going to need practical help.

OP posts:

Pagwatch · 01/12/2013 09:39

What he wants/thinks is to have nothing to do with you and nothing to do with the child.

Is that not totally, completely obvious?

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