To think pregnant women shouldn't assume they have ultimate priority over seats on trains?

[sontaranstrax]

I was on a very crowded train long distance to meet DP at his parents' for the weekend this evening, all seats taken, standing room packed. About ten minutes in I was struggling to stand and managed to get one of the priority seats as someone was leaving the train. A few minutes later I was told by a heavily pregnant woman that she needed my seat as she needed to sit down, so I explained that I also needed to sit down for medical reasons and she would have to ask someone else. She proceeded to launch into an attack about how I looked perfectly healthy and she was in her third trimester and who did I think I was to deny her a seat when she needed one. Another pregnant woman in one of the other priority seats then piped up and both had a go at me, asking who I thought I was to not give up my seat and shouting abuse at me across the train, at which point everyone else in the carriage was giving me dirty looks (although not offering to give up their own seats) so I felt I didn't have much of a choice. I couldn't stand so ended up sitting on the floor leaning against the wall for the rest of the journey. AIBU to think pregnant women aren't the only people who need a seat on trains and have no right to turf someone else in need out of theirs?

And you obviously need to get a grip, perhaps of one of the poles handily provided on trains for such an occasion

I think first come, first served, and if you are sitting down and see someone in serious distress then you should offer your seat regardless of whether you are pregnant, recovering from surgery, or have small babies in tow. The last few weeks of my twin pregnancy were horrendous, I felt like every time I stood up a baby was going to fall out. I avoided public transport like the plague. 5-6 weeks after my c-section (also major abdominal surgery, plus complications for weeks after) I have to say I would have booked a seat if I knew I had to go on a long distance trip. The woman wasn't right to attack the OP, if that's what actually happened, plus I highly doubt the entire carriage gave her dirty looks - more like a pregnant woman asked her to get up, she said no I'm recovering from surgery, the pregnant woman passed a smart remark, another one waded in, and everyone else slumped down in their seats thinking 'shit, please don't ask me to get up'.

Could be completely wrong, but hey ho.

2tired I'd happily give my seat up to who needed it. I've never once said I wouldn't.

Maybe it's time rail companies were only allowed to carry as many people as there are seats. Why should anyone have to stand?

This is why I don't take public transport.

Hellopitty
You're right, I can't imagine what a rotten time women can have in their pregnancies. I can't imagine it because I had a hysterectomy 5 weeks ago, which, along an infection I had in the wound, was the reason I needed the seat. I'm not saying the pregnant woman wasn't entitled to the seat, I'm saying it shouldn't have been mine.

sontaranstrax it feels as though there is a lot more to this post than who is entitled to a seat.

I hope you are looking after yourself.

Still think you need to get a grip Tinker handing out virtual blue peter badges to complete strangers for stating a fact is odd

I was on a bus the other day where there was 3 prams with small babies on at a later stop a woman was waiting with an electric wheel chair. The bus driver said she couldn't get on as there was no room. She wanted two ladies with their prams to get off so she could get on, she was shouting at them through the window. He said no and drove on. He made the right choice.

How dare a lady who is a wheelchair user want to use the wheelchair priority space?!

When I was pregnant I had polyhydraminous so was huge and had awful SPD. I was in dreadful pain and would have had to give up work 2 months early if a colleague hadn't given me lifts. Because I was only offered a seat once. So I do find it frustrating to hear other people say they worked on their feet till they were 40+2 blah blah blah.

However my Dad has MS so I am really aware others need the seats to. The pregnant woman in the OPs case should have said 'Oh no problem' and asked someone else.

I'd give up a reserved seat to someone heavily pregnant. I can sit on the floor, they can't.

If you read above she makes it clear that she can't imagine other peoples pregnancies because she has had a hysterectomy

YANVU. The ones tutting and giving dirty looks who did not give up their seats were the worst type of people. She should have taken it out on them, but then they were on her side and they, like bully's cronies, were picking on you to deflect the bully picking on them.

I really hope my post didn't come across as passive aggressive because it wasn't.

A dear friend of mine had a hysterectomy at 19 and had multiple complications. We had a slumber party of her 21st birthday party because 2 years on she could only walk to short periods of time.

I have seen how difficult it can be which I asked if OP has IRL support.

I don't associate hysterectomies with bitterness or anger. Rather hurt, pain and loss.

I also don't appreciate being told to fuck off.

I really wasn't rude. I said something along the lines of 'sorry, I need to sit down too for medical reasons', I don't remember my exact wording but I definitely wasn't rude. I would have booked a seat had it been a planned journey- DP's dad was taken ill yesterday and DP had already traveled up there during the day, I was going to join him. I haven't been cleared to drive so it had to be the train. As I said in my first post I stood for the first ten minutes or so and sat down when by sheer luck I managed to get a priority seat as someone was getting off.

OP didn't post because she's emotional pain or feeling loss, she just wanted a bloody seat because she's had a major operation and an infection within the last month!!!!!!

candy coated water drops you are right my post was inappropriate I apologise.

Why didn't she ask a healthy young man to stand up & why didn't any offer - these are the people who should be getting up and letting others sit down.

Hellopitty- I'm not quite sure why you've decided I clearly didn't respond politely when the pregnant woman asked me for my seat

What if, just what if, the train would have had to break suddenly, she had fallen over and lost the baby? Or if she had fainted as the train was crowded, lack of oxygen and she would have fallen? Had the train had to break suddenly I would probably have fallen over had I been standing, my own sense of balance and abdominal muscles are currently crap. But there wasn't a seat available when I got on the train so I took that chance until there was. Equally I could have fainted, I have done in the past couple of weeks. I don't see how my needs are any less important just because I'm not pregnant.

I hope that you don't have a grudge against pregnant women because of the type of surgery you had. I'm not even going to credit that with an answer.

I didn't help the woman find a seat- no, I was in a lot of pain and very stressed. Maybe it would have been 'kind' as you put it but it was by no means my responsibility and I was a bit busy trying to hold myself together. Not sure what you mean by a 'poor me' attitude, I really don't see how I exhibited one

YANBU. I think that it would have helped if you had been more specific about why you didn't want to stand though rather than just saying that you had a "medical condition". She was very unreasonable to have a go at you though.

Sorry you've had such a shitty time OP.

I was on a bus the other day where there was 3 prams with small babies on at a later stop a woman was waiting with an electric wheel chair. The bus driver said she couldn't get on as there was no room. She wanted two ladies with their prams to get off so she could get on, she was shouting at them through the window. He said no and drove on. He made the right choice.

Please tell me this is a wind-up?

What a bunch of vile people.

When person behaves like a bad child, treat them as one.

Next time just ask them questions,

Can you think of any reason other than pregnancy someone might need a seat?

What sort of disabilities would mean someone need a seat?

Why would someone not want to share their private medical history with a train full of people?

Are you aware of anything outside you bubble?

What the best way to deal with you when you are having a temper tantrums?

Do you normally get a good response when you shout?

Do you think some time out might help you think? Go stand in the corner and think about your behaviour?

Keep asking them questions, until they have had to think it through, do it in a patience parent/teacher voice. It helps the penny drop that they are being a brat, and have missed some information, which you are kindly helping them to realise.

Poor baby, it is not in for much of a start in life.

I'm so excited I've never had a Blue Peter Badge before!