To think pregnant women shouldn't assume they have ultimate priority over seats on trains?

[sontaranstrax]

I was on a very crowded train long distance to meet DP at his parents' for the weekend this evening, all seats taken, standing room packed. About ten minutes in I was struggling to stand and managed to get one of the priority seats as someone was leaving the train. A few minutes later I was told by a heavily pregnant woman that she needed my seat as she needed to sit down, so I explained that I also needed to sit down for medical reasons and she would have to ask someone else. She proceeded to launch into an attack about how I looked perfectly healthy and she was in her third trimester and who did I think I was to deny her a seat when she needed one. Another pregnant woman in one of the other priority seats then piped up and both had a go at me, asking who I thought I was to not give up my seat and shouting abuse at me across the train, at which point everyone else in the carriage was giving me dirty looks (although not offering to give up their own seats) so I felt I didn't have much of a choice. I couldn't stand so ended up sitting on the floor leaning against the wall for the rest of the journey. AIBU to think pregnant women aren't the only people who need a seat on trains and have no right to turf someone else in need out of theirs?

"bus/train"

Sockreturningpixie

"Why's it sexist"

Because the poster is picking on someone due to their gender, and just because someone looks "fit" doesn't mean that they are fit.

pg woman can ask for a seat,and if it's declined as that person also has need fair enough
Unfortunate op subjected to abuse.as both women had legitimate need for seat
Medical conditions aren't always apparent,nor does one need to explain to public

YANBU OP, they (both women) shouldn't have bullied you after hearing you had a medical condition-that was cuntish- the pregnant woman standing should have asked someone else.

I always stand if someone looks like they need the seats (i avoid priority ones anyway), especially if they have BOB badges. Some people are just arseholes, I have to hope these women will read this post of yours OP and feel ashamed for their rude and aggressive behaviour.

I know a friend of mine once got yelled at for parking in a disabled bay when he looks very healthy, ironically at the time all the other bays were free and he has a blue badge. Even though he protested he was accused of being a liar. Invisible disabilities, unless you can see through clothes, you wouldn't see his. That guy who shouted at my friend was an arse, so were these women.

If it happens again though OP (though i doubt you'll be so unlucky), repeat the same thing, 'I have a temporary medical condition, I need this seat, you'll have to ask someone else.' Assert yourself, don't move for them despite the bullying.

I don't get the whole I need a seat because I'm pregnant thing... Luckily because I've worked til 38 weeks both times and rarely get offered a seat. As for baby on board badges cringe

youaremy have you been elbowed in the stomach or bashed by a bag on your bump on the tube? I have. It's not nice.

I don't get the whole I need a seat because I'm pregnant thing... Luckily because I've worked til 38 weeks both times and rarely get offered a seat. As for baby on board badges cringe

Lucky you. Some of us had SPD, sciatica and 11lb babies.

YANBU what entitled twats! Im 39 weeks and HUGE and get really embaressed if someone ofFERS up thier seat. Hate being treated differently, i hate women using it as an excuse though even more!

I don't understand why you didn't say "I'm sorry I need this seat as I am post operative and unable to stand I am sure someone who is able to would be happy to give up their seat for you"

BoundandRebound
"I don't understand why you didn't say "I'm sorry I need this seat as I am post operative and unable to stand I am sure someone who is able to would be happy to give up their seat for you""

The Op did say something similar to that, the women don't need to know the specifics.

I didn't tell her why I needed the seat because I really struggle with talking about it at the moment, I was in a lot of pain and struggling to hold it together as it was. I explained I had a medical reason for needing the seat and she lost the plot. Yes she'd probably had a long day and expected the 'target a specific person' tactic would work, unfortunately I had a reason for needing the seat too and she didn't handle it well. I was having a bad day too; yes I understand that being pregnant isn't easy, but surely that doesn't mean everyone with a reason to sit down must give in to someone's demand just because they're pregnant, as the other woman also suggested

It's v unfortunate.no you don't need to explain a simple I too have a need should suffice
But pg is also a legitimate reason for needing a seat,it's not necessarily a princessy demand
You both had your individual needs and reasons for the seat.some pg related conditions are hell

I agree, you don't need to explain. If someone says "I'm sorry, I have a medical reason for needing the seat too" then that is that. The fact is that they were entitled and aggressive. There are a lot of rude people in the world, and sadly they don't stop being rude just because they are pregnant.

OP you didn't need to tell her your Medical Reason. She should have took it at face value. To the posters repeating the fact that Pregnancy is as much a reason to sit down as a medical reason. OP never said otherwise. She simply was aggrieved that two self entitled pregnant women decided to pick on and be verbally abusive to a post operative lady into sitting on the floor in a crowded train, after ALREADY stating she had a medical reason. They should have took OPs reason at face value and not continue to humiliate her. As would I.

Misspixie - I think posters commenting on the fact that pregnancy is often a good reason to need a seat (but not to trump other needs) are responding to certain posts (not from the OP) of the "You don't need a seat, I ran a marathon at 8 months' gone" variety.

Misspixie - I think posters commenting on the fact that pregnancy is often a good reason to need a seat (but not to trump other needs)...

"but not to trump other needs" < precisely that. These women on the train are obviously of the "it trumps other needs brigade". By the way, love your username!

I haven't read the whole thread so people have probably already said this. Pregnant women should be given seats on train. You needed your seat but there is no way everybody who was seated did. It says a lot about the people on the train that the pregnant women had to ask for a seat. Usually people just stand up and give their seats when they see someone pregnant, old or in difficulty. I'm in northern Ireland though. I know trains are more crowded in the south of England.

Thanks .

Oh yes, those women were utterly vile. Pregnancy isn't some sort of a winning card in a game of "I need the seat most" top trumps. And no one who is recovering from surgery should feel they have to explain the nature of the surgery to a packed train to 'justify' why they get to keep their priority seat.

But I also think it's a bit insensitive when, on these threads, someone always piles in with the "Why should pregnant women get priority seating, it's not an illness" when there are a lot of pregnant women who, for one reason or another do struggle to stand, so it's fair enough that they get priority over healthy, able bodied commuters in the priority seats.

People are weird Penguin my Disabled DM once had an argument with another Disabled Gentlemen on the bus over who had had the most operations and needed the seat more! [tchgrin]

I am sure that was quite funny to overhear. But it does make me sad that these things go on when the obvious thing is for someone who doesn't massively need the seat to exercise some courtesy and offer one.

did both the pregnant women end up sitting in your one seat then OP?

One of them was already seated madasabox.

I do think some women are guilty of regarding themselves as Goddesses just because they are pregnant.
I'm not that interested in the details of someone's pregnancy so I really don't want to be bored to death by baby talk during my coffee break

Having read my posts from yesterday again, together with the rest of the thread, I realise that my comments must have come across as insensitive and caused hurt to the OP.

I have apologised to OP privately. It is easy to get carried away on aibu and bark up the wrong tree. And to sound unkind, especially when typing quickly on a phone without reflecting much before posting.

The point I was trying to get across is that I feel protective of people who are vulnerable. I think a highly pregnant woman asking for a seat on a crowded train is potentially in a vulnerable position. As was the OP. I always give up my seat or try to help people whenever I can. Ironically that obviously didn't come across in my posts.

However, I also find the angry personal attacks on me upthread hurtful. I hope that this post explained what I was trying to convey yesterday but miserably failed.

Good on you for apologising Hello. I think we can all get carried away and forget we are talking to other human beings with feelings.