Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think pregnant women shouldn't assume they have ultimate priority over seats on trains?

295 replies

sontaranstrax · 29/11/2013 23:57

I was on a very crowded train long distance to meet DP at his parents' for the weekend this evening, all seats taken, standing room packed. About ten minutes in I was struggling to stand and managed to get one of the priority seats as someone was leaving the train. A few minutes later I was told by a heavily pregnant woman that she needed my seat as she needed to sit down, so I explained that I also needed to sit down for medical reasons and she would have to ask someone else. She proceeded to launch into an attack about how I looked perfectly healthy and she was in her third trimester and who did I think I was to deny her a seat when she needed one. Another pregnant woman in one of the other priority seats then piped up and both had a go at me, asking who I thought I was to not give up my seat and shouting abuse at me across the train, at which point everyone else in the carriage was giving me dirty looks (although not offering to give up their own seats) so I felt I didn't have much of a choice. I couldn't stand so ended up sitting on the floor leaning against the wall for the rest of the journey. AIBU to think pregnant women aren't the only people who need a seat on trains and have no right to turf someone else in need out of theirs?

OP posts:
CloverkissSparklecheeks · 30/11/2013 19:21

Someone should have given their seat up for the pregnant lady but once you told her you couldn't she behaved appallingly!

I do think pregnant women should be offered a seat bit very few people bother, I was forced to stand on a busy train once (i was very obviously heavily pregnant) in spite of asking politely if I could sit down. The train stopped suddenly and I had a nasty fall which I ended up being hospitalised for. I would never have wabted someone recovering from an operation to give up their seat but there was a train full of people who could have

2Tiredtocare · 30/11/2013 19:36
Capriccioso · 30/11/2013 19:52

The pregnant woman should have said to the carriage generally: 'hello there could someone please let me sit down, I'm heavily pg and it's a real strain to stand," rather than pick on op and lay into her even after she'd explained why she needed to stay in her seat.

I live in dread of being similarly verbally abused on public transport. I have stage 4 breast cancer and although most days I look fine, and youngish for my age (49) I don't feel fine. One of my metastatic areas is to my ureters. I have 2 stents in place to ensure my kidneys don't pack up, and they irritate my bladder. Sitting down takes some of the pressure off. Oh and I take various drugs which make my bones ache. I would feel even more utterly shit if anyone cared to humiliate me over why I like to get cosy in a seat if I can get one. (I've never asked btw!)

And I've had 4 dcs so I know all about pregnancy discomfort.

ArbitraryUsername · 30/11/2013 20:01

One of the problems with offering seats to pregnant women is that it can be a minefield. What if the woman isn't pregnant?

Also, people generally drift off into their own world on public transport, so they genuinely don't notice what's going on around them.

I think most people will give up their seat if a pregnant woman asks them politely. Because most people do appreciate that pregnancy can be a bit of a nightmare. And most pregnant women would ask politely (because they don't imagine themselves to be 'goddesses' in need of worship).

Sadly some people are arseholes. And sometimes they have babies.

everlong · 30/11/2013 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoneyBackJefferson · 30/11/2013 20:13

neiljames77
"if I was standing, I'd pick out the youngest, healthiest looking bloke and tell him to give up his seat for her."

That's an amazingly sexist attitude.

olidusUrsus · 30/11/2013 20:28

Personally I think all public transport should come with a trained doctor on board that can be used at each boarding to ensure that each passenger is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT fit to travel. Because good golly gosh, imagine someone who wasn't quite so boarded the locomotive!

Misspixietrix · 30/11/2013 20:42

olidusUrsus Grin.

Misspixietrix · 30/11/2013 20:44

.

StealthPolarBear · 30/11/2013 21:34

"Morgause Sat 30-Nov-13 15:03:18

Up thread someone said they'd even give up a reserved seat on a train. I can't agree with that. If I'm travelling for longer than 2 hours I reserve a seat and I won't give it up. I'd be fit for nothing at my destination after standing on a rocking train for 2 hours. If I can't sit I won't travel."

Morgause, that was me, and that's fine. I do not expect everyone else to do the same but I do expect everyone who can to do this. If I stand for 2 hours I'm irritated and my feet hurt. I can cope with that. If you can, you should give up a seat for someone who needs it more. If you can't, you shouldn't. I'd apply 'can't' to someone who desperately needed to work on the train too - they can't do that standing up.

StealthPolarBear · 30/11/2013 21:35

Oh and thanks for the non-goddess medal Hello , I shall add it to my CV :o

IneedAsockamnesty · 30/11/2013 21:37

"if I was standing, I'd pick out the youngest, healthiest looking bloke and tell him to give up his seat for her.

That's an amazingly sexist attitude

Why's it sexist, its the only way to make sure your never going to ask another pregnant woman because every single woman that's not a child or pensioner could be pregnant just not showing.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 30/11/2013 21:56

It's not sexist but it's stupid because a young, healthy looking man may be disabled or ill or whatever,

MacaYoniandCheese · 30/11/2013 22:03

Oh FGS. This would make the red mist descend. Excluding SPD or something like that, you shouldn't need to sit down by default because you are pregnant (in fact, if you've been sitting all day at a desk job, it's probably good for you to remain upright). I ran and did step-class up until I was 7 months with all of my babies. Some people, unfortunately, like to use it as an excuse to be rude and lazy.

StealthPolarBear · 30/11/2013 22:04

they might be. But they're a lot less likely to be disabled or ill than an unhealthy looking man in his mid 70s

StealthPolarBear · 30/11/2013 22:05

But Maca you must realise that not everyone is as lucky? Not everyone has as easy a time as you obviously did?

PenguinsDontEatPancakes · 30/11/2013 22:06

Well, I think it's a bit unfair to imply it's a trait of pregnant women to behave that way, instead of a trait of entitled idiots who happen to be pregnant.

I think it was perfectly reasonable of her to ask, as you were in a priority seat and she wasn't to know. But as soon as you responded that you were recovering from an operation, I would have said "Oh I'm so sorry" and, if I was brave, asked someone nearby who looked young-ish and healthy if I could have a seat.

I suspect that the majority of the carriage weren't giving dirty looks though. They were trying to stay out if and hoping they wouldn't be asked to get up.

MacaYoniandCheese · 30/11/2013 22:09

Absolutely, Stealth. I just think that Pregnancy does not (by definition) = Top Trumps. Especially as it's an elective condition (most of the time).

2Tiredtocare · 30/11/2013 22:13

caprisiosa Thanks

StealthPolarBear · 30/11/2013 22:13

No of course not. But i'll happily give up my seat for any pregnant wman no matter how easy a ride they're having of it. I'll also give up my seat for any older person, even if she's in the habit of running 4k and doing the splits.

bigbrick · 30/11/2013 22:17

Any healthy strong man able to stand should have stood up to give his seat to a woman on transport. That's how it should be.

DirtyDancingCleanLiving · 30/11/2013 22:23

I ran and did step-class up until I was 7 months with all of my babies

That's not a measure of how all pregnant women are though, is it?

With ds1, from about 4 months pregnant I was so badly anaemic that if I stood for too long there was a good chance i'd pass out.

PenguinsDontEatPancakes · 30/11/2013 22:27

I was fine standing some of the time, but in early pregnancy had low blood pressure and a tendency to dizziness/fainting if I couldn't sit down fast. And late on I had no balance and was alarmingly prone to falling over on moving trains ( which I did a lot as I commuted). I don't think it's unreasonable for a pregnant woman to ask for a seat. It's just unreasonable to think it trumps everything else.

PosyNarker · 30/11/2013 22:42

OP YANBU

I do think people in general are quite inconsiderate on public transport. Yes, pregnant women should get priority, along with people who are elderly and have disabilities, but there are a lot of people with hidden disabilities or temporary problems and we need to be aware of that.

I have a radar key due to IBD and as a very fit person I would normally queue for the ordinary toilets if I can wait (because I don't need the space), but I've had some very fruity language on a couple of occasions. This was not, bizarrely from the physically disabled (which I could understand, albeit I hope they'd understand my POV) but from women with multiple kids wanting to take them all in. I do understand that, but 'couldn't you just hold it in, you're an adult' is a bit unhelpful...

SolitudeSometimesIs · 30/11/2013 22:56

Hope you're ok OP.

Hellopitty your post saying that "It is utterly depressing to get on a bs/train with "special needs" (disabled, old, pregnant, with a young baby etc.)" is fucking stupid. Pregnancy is not a "special need" nor is having a young baby. Get a grip.

Yeah, it can be utterly miserable being pregnant - I have crippling SPD- but I do not have special needs.