To think pregnant women shouldn't assume they have ultimate priority over seats on trains?

[sontaranstrax]

I was on a very crowded train long distance to meet DP at his parents' for the weekend this evening, all seats taken, standing room packed. About ten minutes in I was struggling to stand and managed to get one of the priority seats as someone was leaving the train. A few minutes later I was told by a heavily pregnant woman that she needed my seat as she needed to sit down, so I explained that I also needed to sit down for medical reasons and she would have to ask someone else. She proceeded to launch into an attack about how I looked perfectly healthy and she was in her third trimester and who did I think I was to deny her a seat when she needed one. Another pregnant woman in one of the other priority seats then piped up and both had a go at me, asking who I thought I was to not give up my seat and shouting abuse at me across the train, at which point everyone else in the carriage was giving me dirty looks (although not offering to give up their own seats) so I felt I didn't have much of a choice. I couldn't stand so ended up sitting on the floor leaning against the wall for the rest of the journey. AIBU to think pregnant women aren't the only people who need a seat on trains and have no right to turf someone else in need out of theirs?

[OldRoan]

Try being a teenager with an invisible disability... I spent 10 years being tutted at/told to move out of the priority seats. When I stood up to reveal 1 leg 2 inches shorter than the other, and a general (medical) inability to balance, they were sheepish, but never offered the seat back.

Sorry you had a bad day, and hope you are feeling better.

[inadreamworld]

You should have refused to move and asked the people shouting at you why they didn't move. Easier said than done though.

When I was pregnant not many people ever gave me a seat and I never asked. I didn't even mind not having a seat as there are old people and sick people and I had healthy pregnancies and felt fine. However one quite able bodied woman in her 60s asked me to give her my seat when I was pregnant (I too look younger than I am) and I said no I am pregnant go ask someone else (the bus was full of teenage boys lol! There are rude people everywhere pregnant and non pregnant!

[toobreathless]

Oh dear.

Of course YANBU.

I would put pregnancy quite far down the pecking order for a seat. I offered my seat while heavily pregnant to other people including the very elderly and someone on crutches with an above knee cast.

I seem to have got lucky on public transport. When I got the tube with my 86 year old grandma at 36 weeks four people could get out of their seats fast enough for us. In fact so fast two of them collided & ended up in a heap!

[HeadlessHeadmistress]

I wouldn't necessarily put pregnancy low down on the pecking order at all. It totally depends on the pregnancy.

If you have pelvic pain or SPD it can be extremely painful to stand for any length of time. Or if you're prone to fainting it'd probably best for everyone if you sat down.

You're just assuming everyone has similar pregnancies to you toobreathless. Some people breeze though pregnancy and others really struggle.

[toobreathless]

headless I meant far down the pecking order among other high priority groups & I also meant a normal, uncomplicated pregnancy. I do not feel that by virtue of being pregnant you have a right to a seat over a above other priority groups IYSWIM?

[holidaysarenice]

Times like there my ability to 'puke on demand' becomes helpful!!

The pregnant woman would have got puked on. Anyone giving me evils may also have got 'puke spray!!'

[geologygirl]

I think everyone goes on at pregnant women for asking for a seat, but the general public need to use their heads and consider the bigger picture - being on a moving vehicle yes they need a seat. For the simple reason that they can quite easily fall! Twice last month I had to practically catch a pregnant woman on a train when it stopped suddenly. I also have a friend who fell on a tube during her first trimester. Several days later she miscarried.

Im not saying you had to give up your seat. You should have said no and briefly said you'd had surgery etc. Then advised her to ask someone else. She was wrong to single you out like that. Plenty of others could have got up I'm sure!

[IneedAsockamnesty]

I expect she did need a seat but after you stated you had need of it she should have asked someone else.

Her rudeness will one day bite her in the arse and you were not in the wrong at all

[WhatTheHellIsHappening]

I am sure she felt she/did need a seat. So did you. The moment this be me clear, she should have apologised and asked if anyone else could move. YANBU.

[trashcanjunkie]

oh you poor poor thing. I couldn't face telling people I'd had a hysterectomy. I was 33 when I had mine and I couldn't even say the bloody word for ages afterwards. I so remember how week and wobbly I felt for some time afterwards. You've had a rotten bit of luck there. If you ever see them again I would recommend telling them very loudly exactly why you need the seat. It would shut them right up. Bless you pet, and get well soon

[trashcanjunkie]

weak! not week...

[MistressDeeCee]

Why shouldnt pregnant women assume they have ultimate priority?

Is there pride in not having common courtesy these days?

Are you fined a sum of money for being courteous?

Is it all about being seen to be 'hard', being a dubious status?

Or OP do you have fuck all to do but prove a pointless point by keeping your arse glued to seat when you see a pregnant woman, secure in the knowledge you're doing your bit for all the misery guts Victor Meldrew-ites of this world for whom spoiling someone's day is the pinnacle of their achievement?

I offer my seat to pregnant women, disabled and/or elderly people. I dont have to be told to do so, just that I know what community spirit and common sense means

[MistressDeeCee]

Although I concede that being rude is not on, its unlikely a rude person would get my seat anyway. However - what I would have done, is remained in my seat having explained myself and my medical condition. If you'd done that, there was no need to move. No-one has the right to be rude. However - isolated incidents do not mean pregnant women shouldnt be given a seat. Its not about whether pregnant women should have priority or not..its about common courtesy when all said and done. To all.

[ThanSheSaid]

I would have mentioned that I had had surgery and that I felt I was eligible to a priority seat.

I had a look at a train companies (Cross Countries) definition about who could use a priority seat. It's very general - basically, they are for 'people who need them'

I have cut and pasted the following from the Cross Country website.

These seats are designed to be easily accessible and to be used by people who need them, for example

• Disabled people
• Expectant mothers
• The elderly
• Someone carrying an infant

[Percephone]

RTFT Mistress

[ThanSheSaid]

Blimey MistressCeeCee. I am not sure your post displayed common curtesy . The OP did explain she was in pain from an operation.

[Lj8893]

Oh there's always one isn't there mistress

OP, hope you are ok and yanbu!! She was rude, I think it was fine of her to ask but once you had explained you needed the seat she should have gracefully apologised and asked somebody else (although I think by that point someone else should have offered!!)

[lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain]

Erm, as neither pregnant or recovering from major surgery BUT a daily long distance commuter, I have to ask (because I'm genuinely interested, not having a backhand dig, completely agree that YANBU and appalled that nobody on the train helped you out).

Why on earth do people travelling on long distance services at peak times not reserve seats, particularly if they have a very strong reason for needing one? We regularly get happy couples trotting onto the train I catch about 3minutes before it's due to leave at 6pm on a Friday night from Paddington saying 'ooh, it's a bit busy' like it's a surprise!

And RE pregnant women, they're actually better off than you. A lot of train companies allow pregnant women to sit in first class if no seats in standard class, a courtesy I don't believe would be extended to you, OP. I think you technically need your paperwork but doubt any sensible guard would question an obviously pregnant woman's situation!

[Sleepthief]

YABU to have moved, unless they physically dragged you out of your seat (at which point this becomes assault). This martyred attitude drives me mad! Your need was greater at the time and you should have just politely repeated that you needed the seat and then ignored... Stick up for yourself FGS - if you can't do that, you should probably avoid public transport, rather than risk your health and recovery in that way again.

YA also BU to make this about all pregnant women, as others have said.

[TheXxed]

Maybe I am reading to much into this thread, but there does seem to be a overarching feeling of animosity towards pregnant women.

Carrying a life to full term is a big deal and pregnant women do require special treatment in certain circumstances.

[pianodoodle]

A heavily pregnant woman should get a seat if she wants one. I don't have an issue with that whatsoever.

In this case it shouldn't have been your seat though it should have been someone else's :(

[paxtecum]

I'm probably going to get attacked here for being sexist, but I do wonder why the pregnant woman didn't ask a man for his seat.
I also think it is quite sad that a man didn't offer his seat.
But of course this is what 'equality' brings.

OP: Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

[pianodoodle]

Maybe the OP was closest to them, although there's the same chance that a man could also be recovering from surgery and have the same reason for wanting a seat.

I know what you mean though paxtecum My husband would have got up rather that let the OP sit on the floor. Having said that I would have got up too!

[Thurlow]

YANBU. Blimey, everyone else not giving a seat! Priority seats are for anyone less able to stand, not just pregnant women. The moment she and everyone else realised you couldn't stand, someone else should have got up.

[YoungGirlGrowingOld]

I had the same problem when I was having chemo (except I didn't move!)

Patiently explained that I was returning from hospital where I had received chemotherapy and did not feel able to stand, hence using priority seat. She accused me of lying (because I wasn't bald) and also came up with the classic phrase "well you can't have cancer very badly!"

Unfortunately there are many arseholes in the world. And sometimes they breed. ;-)