To think pregnant women shouldn't assume they have ultimate priority over seats on trains?

[sontaranstrax]

I was on a very crowded train long distance to meet DP at his parents' for the weekend this evening, all seats taken, standing room packed. About ten minutes in I was struggling to stand and managed to get one of the priority seats as someone was leaving the train. A few minutes later I was told by a heavily pregnant woman that she needed my seat as she needed to sit down, so I explained that I also needed to sit down for medical reasons and she would have to ask someone else. She proceeded to launch into an attack about how I looked perfectly healthy and she was in her third trimester and who did I think I was to deny her a seat when she needed one. Another pregnant woman in one of the other priority seats then piped up and both had a go at me, asking who I thought I was to not give up my seat and shouting abuse at me across the train, at which point everyone else in the carriage was giving me dirty looks (although not offering to give up their own seats) so I felt I didn't have much of a choice. I couldn't stand so ended up sitting on the floor leaning against the wall for the rest of the journey. AIBU to think pregnant women aren't the only people who need a seat on trains and have no right to turf someone else in need out of theirs?

Everyone automatically moves when a wheelchair user gets on the bus round here - even when the bus is packed with pushchairs and it takes time to get everyone sorted.

The reason many wheel chair users don't use the buses here is actually getting the bus driver stop stop in the first place.

The buses are fairly frequent as if a bus is full then they go pass - it can happen a lot when the bus is full of pushchairs. Happened a few times when I had a few months with DH in wheelchair. At least with pushchair if none looked like stopping I could walk even with two toddlers cold mange for a while though not pleasant in wet or winter or tired DC- it was much harder/ impossible with wheel chair.

Been quiet a few articles in local papers about wheel chair users complaining about this - especially as several are one way to hospital apportionments which they then miss.

I agree politeness gets you further but I can see why some wheel chair users get frustrated.

Hello there was a train full of people more able to stand than the op, the pregnant woman was rude.

You keep going on about her falling over, if she did it wouldn't be the OPS fault.

Being pregnant is no reason for being rude, if someone tells you they need a seat, they need a seat. There are plenty of invisible disabilities and she should have had an ounce of foresight to realise that and asked someone else.

And your comment on grudges is pathetic, really it is.

what a mean and nasty thread this has descended into. A rude woman is rude - nothing to do with being pregnant. Yes pregnant women absolutely should be offered a seat - it is shocking that they have to ask anyone for a seat! The OP should not have had to get up - and that has no relevance at all on the wider issue of pregnant women being given seats.

I am pregnant, each morning I stand for 30 minutes while all around me people sit, eyes down playing games on their phones - they are not all people recovering from operations! I have tried asking, I tried wearing a badge - none are very nice options - it would be good if someone got up and asked - I feel incredibly sick and dizzy and often have to crouch on the floor, really not nice on a packed train.

blah blah people say they stand up all day while pregnant - so what? its common courtesy to offer a seat to ANYONE less able to stand - just to be nice!

What a depressing world when people use the word 'entitled' about pregnant women - the thread is stupid - if the pregnant woman was rude, then she was rude - but maybe she was tired anxious and stressed and just wanted to sit down - we dont have her version of events!

but the wider assumption being made here that pregnant women should stand like anyone else is just horrible. what a sad world we are in.

Have a day off some of you.

Threads like this only serve to increase intolerance and lack of consideration for passangers who are less able to stand.

I think all of the ladies would have moved, but the bus was packed and the only alternative would have been getting off the bus.

I didn't know it was the law to give the space up I thought mothers with small babies/pram were afforded the same. Then legally it was the driver that should have got out and chosen out of the three which had to leave.

The lady was quite robust, she was shouting through the window while the other passengers where getting on/off. I've been on the bus before when there was only one pram on the bus and they got of to let the same woman get on then they got on afterwards.

Those who are saying why don't people reserve seats - well that is relying on the train being the one you booked. The other day I booked two seats for me and a friend (I'm disabled and friend pregnant) and we got on the train, found it didn't have the coach our reserved seats were in, was packed full with no seats. I politely asked a man if my friend could sit as she was pregnant and in back pain, he nicely stood up but my disability is invisible so no one stood, I sat on the floor. So yes, I always book, but this is the 3rd time I've booked and the seats just aren't there

OP she was rude. Someone should have stood for her but not you.

YWNBU but you should have refused to move. When I was pregnant, another pregnant woman asked for my seat. I said 'no' explained I was pregnant too. (In fact it was my first day going back to work after being signed off sick because of pregnancy related issues and I was very dizzy and nauseous).

I asked someone else to give her a seat. They did.

so Hellopitty is back still showing a disgusting lack of empathy

Are people saying if they reserved seats they wouldn't give them up to someone who needs it more? Really?
Oh and when I was pregnant I was a pregnant woman. I was not a goddess. What an incredibly stupid thing to say.

We don't really know if the pregnant woman was really rude or if that is the subjective view of the OP do we?

Maybe OP was quite defensive, edgy when she responded to the pregnant lady? Which in turn got the pregnant lady's hormones raging...

On being asked to give up her seat, OP could have said in a pleasant tone of voice, "really sorry love, but I am recovering from major surgery". And the loudly added " blue heaps someone else will be kind enough to let this lady sit?"

Just because the Op is also in a vulnerable position doesn't make it right to disengage from the situation she was faced with. She could have refused to give up her seat (if she was too ill to stand) and also helped the pregnant woman get a seat. Now hat would have been caring and kind.

I can't stand it if anyone who is rude and entitled but I also think people who are unwell but well enough to travel on a packed train cannot just use the 'poor me' attitude. If she had it in her to at least be friendly and supportive in her manner, maybe the situation would not have escalated.

It is utterly depressing to get on a bus/train with 'special needs' (disabled, old, pregnant, with young baby or child etc) and 99 % of passengers looking down and not moving their lazy arses.

Stealth, good on you, well done. So there is your gold star. Tut tut.

OP yanbu. You shouldn't hae moved though. I wouldl't have. She sounds like an entitled twat. Unfortunately, thee are lots of them out there.

OP, in your circumstance YWNBU. And these ladies should not have been so rude in getting their point across rightly or wrongly. However, having been pregnant with twins and struggling at times to walk even, my experience has left me shocked at the lack of kindness and courtesy by commuters.

Even more shocking, most of those that looked me up and down, could clearly see my baby on board badge, pushed in front of me before boarding and still ran for the seat, were women. (All I can say is karma is a bitch).

I was only ever offered a seat by one person who was a man. I guess we have (or at least I do) an expectation that women will be more understanding and give a seat without question even if it means putting others needs before our own when the need is clearly obvious no matter how minor. Not to excuse the behaviour, but maybe they were just fed up.

You still would have had to stand if no seats were available though.

I had a similar incident to op.

I had just had major surgery on the mainland and had to get a passenger ferry home. I sat in the priority seating and was humiliated by a woman with an oap.

Woman didn't need a seat next to oap, but felt justified billing me to move so they could sit together. There was an empty seat for the oap.

To my shame I cried. She only laid off once the blood started seeing through my blouse( I have high blood pressure and am a bit of a squirter!)

I think it's a disgrace that you have to show someone blood to prove you are needy too.

In hindsight I should have stayed in hospital longer, but I just wanted to get home to my family who couldn't visit me because the ferries are so expensive.

If I was on that train, I'd give up my seat even if it was reserved. Furthermore, if I was standing, I'd pick out the youngest, healthiest looking bloke and tell him to give up his seat for her.

I can't stand it if anyone who is rude and entitled but I also think people who are unwell but well enough to travel on a packed train cannot just use the 'poor me' attitude

Hellopitty, have you ever heard the expression "hoist by your own petard"?

You posting the above means that by your own reasoning, you believe neither pregnant woman should have expected to sit either - seeing as they were also "well enough to travel"

You know, rather than trying to justify your ignorant and unsympathetic first posts, you should have just had the balls to put your hands up and admit you were wrong and insensitive.

wow,hellopitty - you don't give up,do you? OP said she had a medical condition and needed to sit,the pregnant lady disputed that.Which is rude,in itself,without any other info.
As a pregnant women,yes, you may be on a shorter fuse than usual.And as someone who is still feeling ill after major surgery you may not be up to sorting another person's problem with a cheery comment and an offer to fix her problem with other passengers...

And what exactly is your point with this? "but I also think people who are unwell but well enough to travel on a packed train cannot just use the 'poor me' attitude." That only those 100% fit and well who are able to deal without flinching with whatever public transport throws at them are allowed to use it? Sometimes,hard though it is to believe,people who are ill,having chemo,not fully recovered from major surgery,have to travel,just like women who are pregnant do.

Up thread someone said they'd even give up a reserved seat on a train. I can't agree with that. If I'm travelling for longer than 2 hours I reserve a seat and I won't give it up. I'd be fit for nothing at my destination after standing on a rocking train for 2 hours. If I can't sit I won't travel.

I won't get on a bus if it means I have to stand - I wait for the next one so I can sit. Having waited I'm certainly not giving up my seat to anyone else who gets on knowing it's full. Buses are very frequent in these parts. I'm not particularly steady on my feet these days and having suffered a painful fall on a bus that braked sharply I now make sure I sit.

:( sorry OP. I think you should have said "I need to sit as I am recovering from surgery and still feel unwell, please do not make assumptions about my state of health". Easy in retrospect though. Because so many people selfishly do not offer seats to heavily pregnant women, they rudely assumed you were in that camp. You should not have given up your seat under any circumstances. Someone else should have risen upon hearing you say no, and that would have been the end of that.

That's outrageous if I asked you to give me a seat and you said you had a medical issue and needed the seat I would apologise and ask someone else, wht a rude caaaah

I stood up on the train all the time whilst pregnant all 3 times and managed not to randomly fall over

The problem is that in giving in to this particular woman and letting her have the seat you will have reinforced her unreasonable behaviour and she'll carry on being even more entitled.

2tiredtocare me too. And that was with SPD and other complications. (Numerous Hospital admissions for heavy bleeding).

wow misspixie and 2tired clearly need a blue peter badge and a round of applause >