To think pregnant women shouldn't assume they have ultimate priority over seats on trains?

[sontaranstrax]

I was on a very crowded train long distance to meet DP at his parents' for the weekend this evening, all seats taken, standing room packed. About ten minutes in I was struggling to stand and managed to get one of the priority seats as someone was leaving the train. A few minutes later I was told by a heavily pregnant woman that she needed my seat as she needed to sit down, so I explained that I also needed to sit down for medical reasons and she would have to ask someone else. She proceeded to launch into an attack about how I looked perfectly healthy and she was in her third trimester and who did I think I was to deny her a seat when she needed one. Another pregnant woman in one of the other priority seats then piped up and both had a go at me, asking who I thought I was to not give up my seat and shouting abuse at me across the train, at which point everyone else in the carriage was giving me dirty looks (although not offering to give up their own seats) so I felt I didn't have much of a choice. I couldn't stand so ended up sitting on the floor leaning against the wall for the rest of the journey. AIBU to think pregnant women aren't the only people who need a seat on trains and have no right to turf someone else in need out of theirs?

they don't have ultimate priority. They should have priority over more able-bodied people- as should the elderly and infirm, anyone with a disability, or anyone with a medical need (as in your case, where you were recovering from an operation).

Nobody has the right to be abusive to anyone else, and I'm sorry you were treated like this. FWIW in your position, I would have told the woman that I was recovering from very recent abdominal surgery and under doctor's orders not to stand and asked nearby passengers - individually and directly, because otherwise everyone looks to someone else to do it- whether they were willing and able to stand.

On a similar thread a few weeks ago I suggested that there was a need for a universal priority seating pass for people travelling on public transport, which could be issued by the medical professional responsible for the person with a need.

*In not It.

There is not clear animosity towards pregnant women. There is clear animosity towards rude women with a huge sense of entitlement. Just to clarify further, I would feel animosity towards them even if they weren't pregnant. HTH.

I wouldn't have given up my seat, either. That's just facilitating that woman's awfulness - she now knows that being vile and abusive gets results.

If she's so much in need of a seat, why doesn't she reserve one?

YANBU. They sound horrible people. Of course you should have a seat if you have medical reasons. One of the other people ought to have given up their seat.

But why didn't you book a seat if you knew that you couldn't stand for the journey?

Precisely LaBearPolar. Also to be fair I think my tone would be a tad defensive too if I had had to explain to two verbally abusive strangers whilst I needed the seat just as much as them Hello.

insancerre the same could be asked to the Pregnant Lady.

Booking a seat doesn't always work. There's often someone who refuses to move out of your booked seat, and no train staff around to sort it out.

I know Misspixietrix
but she's not on here complaining

OP, those women were fearful shits.

Wonder why they didn't ask any men to stand the fuck up.

I wouldn't have moved either and I wouldn't have engaged with her either. She and the other lady sound incredibly rude and were probably the same way before they were pregnant.

Some people who are very seriously ill don't actually look ill. I'm as ill as it gets without actually being confined to my bed 24/7 and I find standing on the train utterly exhausting.

No. They didn't come on here complaining. They decided to publicly humiliate someone recovering from Major Abdominal Surgery on a Packed Train into sitting on the Floor instead.

YABU to assume all pregnant women think this way. The women were twats, the fact that they were pregnant has nothing to do with it. But, of course, YANBU to feel really bloody peeved. I hope you are feeling ok now. I'm stunned that no one else offered their seat to you.

What was the medical issue? Was it visible?

On my train line you can only reserve seats on long journeys. Normal commuter trains that could have a journey time of 2 hours don't have seat reservations.

Why does the medical issue have to be visible?

Womblesofwestminister OP already stated upthread. She had a Hysterectomy 5weeks ago.

Totally not being unreasonable, I needed a seat when heavily pregnant but having asked you she should have accepted that you needed it too and just ask would anyone else mind.

I feel really annoyed on your behalf, and wish that someone had backed you up.

Hello pitty. Crikey. If the pregnant woman fell over on the busy train it's not the lady who has just had a hysterectomy that should feel bad but the countless other passengers who were quick with the dirty looks but slow to get off their arses!

They were very rude. I don't mean all pregnant women, just those two.

Of course some pregnant women can have some need of emergency seating on public transport, especially in the final few weeks and if they have complications such as SPD, or pregnancy related back problems (I did). My sister had severe siatica when she was pregnant, could hardly move and would have needed the seating if she had tried to use a bus or train. However, nothing entitles pregnant women to be rude, or to bulldoze other people out of seats.

Some people do forget that not all medical conditions or disabilities are visible or obvious, and most people don't want to be forced to go through their private medical needs in public.

I hope that your recovery from whatever problem you had is smooth from now on. Don't let these two entitled shits get you down. Most pregnant women are not like them.

I actually think pregnant women do have the right to expect a seat. Booking doesn't actually make any difference - surely you'd give up booked seats to pregnant women, the elderly and people who needed it more. But they do not have the right to demand someone who needs the seat as much or more than they do justify themselves when presumably there is a carriage full of people, the majority of which will be able bodied.

I agree with mistress and melon

Sadly common curtsy is dying. If you were ill op you should have stated so and suggested some one else give their seat up,helped her find one. Maybe she was in pain , hormonal, tired and that spilled over to you.

I had a terrible 3rd trimester where I couldn't barely walk so when people offered their seat I was immensely greatfull. My first pregnancy was easy , I rode a bike till my due day.

Pregnant women are expected to act like soldiers these days, "oh I was pregnant with triplets , worked 15 hour shifts and had 10 kids with me and I didn't ask for a seat!' Or " I had a 48 day labour with EC and NO pain relief!"

Disabled, elderly, pregnant is you see some one struggling just fucking offer your seat !

Women are the absolute worst for giving other women empathy these days.

I was on a bus the other day where there was 3 prams with small babies on at a later stop a woman was waiting with an electric wheel chair. The bus driver said she couldn't get on as there was no room. She wanted two ladies with their prams to get off so she could get on, she was shouting at them through the window. He said no and drove on. He made the right choice.

YANBU.

Many pregnant ladies don't need a seat.

In my first I didn't. Second it would have been nice.

-3rd imperative

I hope you continue to heal op and I'm sorry for the fools you had the misfortune to encounter!