To think pregnant women shouldn't assume they have ultimate priority over seats on trains?

[sontaranstrax]

I was on a very crowded train long distance to meet DP at his parents' for the weekend this evening, all seats taken, standing room packed. About ten minutes in I was struggling to stand and managed to get one of the priority seats as someone was leaving the train. A few minutes later I was told by a heavily pregnant woman that she needed my seat as she needed to sit down, so I explained that I also needed to sit down for medical reasons and she would have to ask someone else. She proceeded to launch into an attack about how I looked perfectly healthy and she was in her third trimester and who did I think I was to deny her a seat when she needed one. Another pregnant woman in one of the other priority seats then piped up and both had a go at me, asking who I thought I was to not give up my seat and shouting abuse at me across the train, at which point everyone else in the carriage was giving me dirty looks (although not offering to give up their own seats) so I felt I didn't have much of a choice. I couldn't stand so ended up sitting on the floor leaning against the wall for the rest of the journey. AIBU to think pregnant women aren't the only people who need a seat on trains and have no right to turf someone else in need out of theirs?

[Morgause]

Sorry this happened to you but I wish you'd stayed sitting down. That woman sounds awful.

I wouldn't have moved in your place and left her to rant. But I can see how embarrassment made you. The other people were horrible for not offering you a seat.

[Hellopitty]

Being verbally abusive is never right of course. Maybe the pregnant ladies had encountered too many selfish people already and were quite fed up? Hormones? Pregnancy rage? Being pregnant is a bit of a extraordinary time but no excuse to be rude. I am just shocked that. Oone offered their seat.

[Misspixietrix]

Funny isn't it MrsDeVere

[Hellopitty]

Zillion, you are right I had missed the bit about abdominal surgery. Was the op fit to travel in that case? On being told that the OP needed the seat the pregnant lady should have asked somebody else. However, maybe the OP was being rude, defensive in her tone and wasn't believed? I'm sure some people would go as far as saying they needed the space without really needing it.

I just think there is this double standard wrt pregnant women. On the one hand they are elected to carry on in a business as usual manner, commute to work, work long hours, don't go on sick leave etc etc. on the other hand their needs (for a bit of kindness and comfort for example in the form of a safe seat on a moving train) are ridiculed.

[Hellopitty]

*Not elected, expected

[Thingymajigs]

That woman was very rude OP but I imagine that situation is very rare. What is far more common is for pregnant women to never be offered a seat. I have been using buses daily (now 31 weeks) and yesterday was the first time anyone offered me a seat, possibly because I got thrown down the bus when it started. I didn't accept because the woman looked to be 60 but it was sad that on a bus full of teenagers, grown men and women my own age it was an older person who offered her seat. I feel like it says a lot about our generation.
It doesn't just begin at not offering a seat though. I have polietly asked teenagers to move their bag so I could sit down and have been refused. That is disgusting. I have now made it my mission to teach my children to offer up their seats regardless as to how awkward it makes them feel.

[ZenNudist]

I'm 7.5m pregnant, with SPD. I doubt I'd travel long distance by train I certainly would reserve a seat & not risk not getting a seat. I don't assume I'm going to be given someone else's seat. I still avoid these as I think they are for disabled people above me.

It's a shame you left your seat. YWNBU

[Melonbreath]

When pregnant I had crippling spd and couldn't stand on a train. I did find it awful that little old ladies often with walking sticks were the first to offer me a seat. Generally a loud 'oh THANK you but I'm sure someone else will offer' got someone else up.
It was weird, either old people or teenage boys used to get up for me usually.

This woman was rude. I'd have asked someone else to shift

[pumpkinsweetie]

Pregnancy does not give an excuse to be rude! So yanbu, being pregnant does not give rights to blatantly ask for a seat.

It is very nice when someone gives up a seat for me (8m preggo) but i would not ask for a seat & especially not in that manner!

[ThanSheSaid]

It does seem silly of all these people not to book seats. If I knew I had to travel in rush hour long distance then I would always reserve a seat and I have no health issues

I do find the whole of this story a bit unlikely. I wouldn't be surprised if the OP has embellished it a little or a lot . I don't think it likely that the whole carriage were giving her dirty looks and I wonder about the chances of two heavily pregnant women 'shouting abuse'. It doesn't mean the story is untrue however it does sound one sided at best In other words, it's the same as most other AIBU's

[HeadlessHeadmistress]

But pregnancy can cause temporary disability in some people, just like abdo surgery can. They can therefore be considered disabled as well as pregnant.

TBH I've had 2 lots of major abdo surgery and would have felt happier standing on a train 5 weeks afterwards than during my 3rd trimester pregnancies. I have awful pregnancies. But thats me, I wouldn't presume everyone is the same.

Anyway the problem here isn't entitled pregnant people, its rude people.

[StealthPolarBear]

MistressDeeCee you are rude
HelloPitty the OP had had a hysterectomy. You know, removal of the womb? Your post was so insensitive.

[StealthPolarBear]

And I know you've postred again and tbh your second post is just as bad.

[DziezkoDisco]

What a rude woman. But pregnant women do need priority to sit down (but not over someone with medical conditions). i was on a tram when pregnant that had to do an emergency brake. I was flung across the carriage, it was horrific, had I landed badly I could have hurt the baby.

I always sat down afeter that

[ZenNudist]

I'm 7.5m pregnant, with SPD. I doubt I'd travel long distance by train I certainly would reserve a seat & not risk not getting a seat. I don't assume I'm going to be given someone else's seat. I still avoid these as I think they are for disabled people above me.

It's a shame you left your seat. YWNBU

[RevoltingPeasant]

Hellopitty I never flame people on here but I just cannot believe your post. I really can't.

The OP had a hysterectomy. You know, like she will never be able to have DC of her own now?

And you are asking her to empathise in great detail with what it feels like to be pregnant?

Seriously?!

That is one nasty post.

The OP also has a right to take care of herself and if you fall on a train after major surgery your stitches might burst. ffs.

[MissBattleaxe]

YABU to tar pregnant women with the same brush. It was two pregnant who were very rude.

However, YANBU to be offended by their rude behaviour. When I was heavily pregnant, I would have expected someone to offer me a seat, but would never have been rude to anyone who said they had medical problems, never in a million years. It's not all pregnant women, it was juts those two.

I hope you are feeling better now OP. It must have been an awful operation to go through.

[ArbitraryUsername]

Zillion, you are right I had missed the bit about abdominal surgery. Was the op fit to travel in that case? On being told that the OP needed the seat the pregnant lady should have asked somebody else. However, maybe the OP was being rude, defensive in her tone and wasn't believed? I'm sure some people would go as far as saying they needed the space without really needing it.

I am flabbergasted!

Why wouldn't the OP be any less fit to travel than the pregnant women (who you clearly think are poor precious flowers)? And why would it ever be OK for the pregnant women to interrogate the OP on the basis that she might be lying. Sick and disabled people should not have to prove their need for a seat to other people.

This is clearly how you end up with two pregnant women bullying a woman recovering from an operation on a train.

[StealthPolarBear]

Yes in fact the first post is less offensive becase you've not read the OP properly. But your second post leaves me stunned. Empathy - look it up.

[ArbitraryUsername]

On how people who need a seat end up on a train without a reservation... There are lots of reasons why this might happen. If you have to travel at short notice you can't necessarily reserve a seat. If your connecting train is late you will have to get on another train without a reservation. If you don't know exactly what time something will finish, they you can end up on a different train from the one you expected without a seat reservation.

Life is full of contingency which means that people cannot rely upon having a seat reservation. Doesn't stop them needing a seat.

[TheXxed]

No reading this there is clear animosity toward pregnant women.

poor precious flowers REALLY Carrying life is precious.

Its not a competition who is more deserving of t seat.

[MissBattleaxe]

Also, train companies don't limit how many tickets they sell on a train. I travelled on a horribly overcrowded train once and when I later rang to ask why the train was so awful, they basically said they just keep selling the tickets. So if the train has 200 seats, they will just sell hundreds and hundreds of tickets for that train journey.

[peachesandpickles]

The rudeness of people never ceases to astound me. Poor you OP, that was a horrible experience.

Several years ago I broke my elbow (extremely painful btw) just as I was starting a new job so I had no choice but to go to work. It involved a longish bus journey on a crowded bus. I am short and found it extremely difficult to keep my balance standing trying to hold the strap with my good arm. I gave up asking if I could have a seat after a couple of trips as no one obliged.

I had been out of work for a while so taxi too expensive and too far to walk. It was a difficult few weeks.

[Misspixietrix]

Arf at all the "what if she fell and hurt the baby?" but not realising that the OP could have fell, suffered internal bleeding, or worse. DM got rushed back in with Bowel Adhesions simply from carrying a Heavy bucket it from the yard. Twas okay though, i mean it HAD been 5weeks after Surgery