To think pregnant women shouldn't assume they have ultimate priority over seats on trains?

[sontaranstrax]

I was on a very crowded train long distance to meet DP at his parents' for the weekend this evening, all seats taken, standing room packed. About ten minutes in I was struggling to stand and managed to get one of the priority seats as someone was leaving the train. A few minutes later I was told by a heavily pregnant woman that she needed my seat as she needed to sit down, so I explained that I also needed to sit down for medical reasons and she would have to ask someone else. She proceeded to launch into an attack about how I looked perfectly healthy and she was in her third trimester and who did I think I was to deny her a seat when she needed one. Another pregnant woman in one of the other priority seats then piped up and both had a go at me, asking who I thought I was to not give up my seat and shouting abuse at me across the train, at which point everyone else in the carriage was giving me dirty looks (although not offering to give up their own seats) so I felt I didn't have much of a choice. I couldn't stand so ended up sitting on the floor leaning against the wall for the rest of the journey. AIBU to think pregnant women aren't the only people who need a seat on trains and have no right to turf someone else in need out of theirs?

[Tabby1963]

I am wondering whether a better approach would be that a passenger in need of a seat (pregnant, disabled etc) could ask around the carriage generally for a healthy volunteer to give up their seat, rather than targeting one person.

Sorry to read about your embarrassment, OP.

[harticus]

YoungGirl - what an arse. I get it too - don't have the bald head now because not on chemo so people assume my cancer must be the mild 24 hour version.

I needed a seat when I was heavily pregnant and I need a seat because of cancer treatment.
It is appalling that people have to squabble over these specialist seats and that other people don't shift their fat arses and help their fellow men and women out.

We are becoming an increasingly miserable nation of selfish twats.

[AliceinWinterWonderland]

It's not necessarily an animosity towards pregnant women. More like a frustration that some people act like they're the only women that have ever been pregnant and that just by the fact that they're pregnant, feel the world should rotate around them and their needs. No problem at all with those that are pregnant and just get on with things as best they can without making demands and acting entitled. Last I checked, pregnancy doesn't excuse you from being polite in normal society.

Personally, I don't feel you need to tell anyone what your medical condition or situation is, OP. It's not their business. Are they going to demand a doctor's note next? Just tell them no, and if anyone else complains, they can up THEIR seat.

[Bubbles1066]

YANBU at all. I would say disabled people get priority, then pregnant, then everyone else. It's just you can't always tell disabled people so have to take their word for it. People around you should have moved, not you.

[Babysealion]

I have SPD that is steadily getting worse and worse everyday. I am probably going to end up on crutches. My job involves standing for 8+ hours a day. I am only 31 weeks and cannot afford to take maternity leave just yet/get signed off sick.
I am in crippling pain after just walking to the train station and need a seat for my 30 minute commute when I get on the train. I know pregnancy isn't an illness or disability but it has triggered a very painful condition for me, so I don't see why I shouldn't be able to ask for a seat. I think I would be just as much entitled to you for one, however if you explained you have a medical condition I wouldn't have ranted and raved at you so YANBU to feel upset. I would simply just have asked someone else on the train!

[Mouthfulofquiz]

I honestly would have told them why I needed to sit down which would have guilted / embarrassed them sufficiently. I can't believe how rude they were to you -

[brettgirl2]

YANBU

I think the problem here is 'priority' seats. Surely all seats should be priority seats?

[summermovedon]

Actually, I think the attitude of the other passengers sucked. An obviously heavily pregnant woman on a busy train and no one asked her if she wanted to sit. I had balance problems as well as dizziness when standing when pregnant and would have been scared of falling or being bumped into. Neither of you really ABU, society on the other hand is becoming too little interested in its nieghbours and fellow beings.

[AliceinWinterWonderland]

Babysealion nobody has said you cannot ask for a seat. Only that it is not necessary to verbally abuse someone who does not comply.

[Misspixietrix]

Erm? OP has already stated she's recovering from Major Surgery Mistress. You wouldn't have the same go at someone who came on here and said they were using an aid or anything else to help but didn't always require it. As someone who's mother had a Hysterectomy and did too much straight after and ended up being rushed back in for emergency surgery I don't think its the OP that needed to be more courteous to be honest! "I had to sit on the floor with my back against the side because two women felt the need to harang me into giving up my seat yet somehow didn't manage to be quite as gobby to the rest of the fit and healthy commuters?". Yes I know I'm elaborating on what the OP said but the point is still valid. I made a heavily pregnant lady sit down on a packed moving bus the other day. She kept saying no I told her I wasn't taking no for an answer and that I couldn't have it on my conscience if she was to fall. Funnily enough I'm fit and healthy and not recovering from major surgery!

[crunchybargalore]

I have has awful pregnancies - I have always asked if someone needed their seat and if they did it was fine.

Hope yu are ok now - i can not believe pple disregard hidden disabilities.

[brettgirl2]

The only defence of the other passengers I guess is if the was unpleasant perhaps they thought 'the silly cow can stand then'. I would have probably given up my seat grudgingly while making a comment about 'why not just ask someone else nicely then?'

[Misspixietrix]

"Well you can't have cancer very badly". Oh dear God Younggirl that's an appalling Attitude to have isn't it? :( good on you for not moving!

[Hellopitty]

OP, sorry you don't feel well, I can imagine you we relieved to get a seat on a packed train bloody trains.

However, I' going to say that ywbu, I'm afraid. Imagine the train would have had to break suddenly and the heavily pregnant woman had fallen over. Could you live with yourself if she or her unborn baby would have been hurt? Maybe she has had to deal with infertility, miscarriages before and wants to make absolutely sure that she and baby were safe?

Anyhow, unless you have ever been pregnancy yourself, you can probably not imagine what a rotten time women can have in their pregnancies. Ad being in her third trimester maybe she was in pain, discomfort, baby weighing on her pelvis etc. etc. also you probably stressed her out hugely which again is not very kind is it?

It is precisely because no one gets up to offer a seat that pregnant women have to be 'forceful' to make to get what is their right.

Again, a big YABU from me.

[Hellopitty]

Sorry for the typos, am on the phone.

[Misspixietrix]

She's recovering from major surgery.

[Misspixietrix]

No one is disputing that the pregnant women had the right to ask for a seat. What they are disputing is being verbally abusive to a women who is recovering from Abdominal surgery whilst simultaneously not managing to be as brave to the rest of the fit and healthy commuters who were sat on their arse; and I'm talking as someone who had excruciating SPD with my second pregnancy.

[GangstaGranny]

Goodness, it's not like the OP was sat in the only seat on the train, why couldn't the entitled pregnant woman ask someone else once the OP had explained!

[waterrat]

I'm pregnant and never get offered a seat - even whn feeling so sick I thought I would faint - I hate asking for a seat for all the reasons people say on here / such rudeness to pregnant people ! It's really embarrassing asking to sit down so I have to suffer and feel sick

It's not very nice to say pregnant women are entitled - standing in a moving train while lots of people sit around you is horrible

[AliceinWinterWonderland]

waterrat the "entitled" part doesn't come from the pregnant woman asking for a seat - it comes from her being verbally abusive because the OP refused (due to her medical reasons)

[womma]

OP, I really feel for you! So sorry that happened, especially when you must have been feeling terrible. Having to broadcast your recent medical history to a packed train carriage must have made your day.

I'm pregnant and travel on public transport every day. I'd never expect to be given a seat and if someone does give up their seat for me I'm always effusively thankful to them. Admittedly, I'm only going a few stops when I travel, not long distances, so I can stand no problem.

Just because someone isn't obviously in need of a priority seat doesn't mean they don't need it. So, yes of course pregnancy doesn't score 'Top Trumps' in deserving a seat.

Don't worry, karma will catch up with them, and the other miserable sods on the train who wouldn't give up their seats as well.

[Misspixietrix]

Such rudeness to pregnant people. As opposed to the rudeness towards someone who quite clearly needed the seat just as much as the pregnant lady (ies).

[ZillionChocolate]

Hellopitty, I'm going to assume that you didn't read the OP properly, or the follow up, so you haven't seen that OP had a genuine need to sit, beyond not feeling well.

Even so, your post is massively patronising. Most people are capable of empathy and imagination and can understand that pregnancy can be relatively straightforward or a complete nightmare or somewhere in between. No one, OP included, has suggested the pregnant women wouldn't benefit from a seat. Why you think it's the OP's responsibility to provide it I don't know. The pregnant women should have asked someone else, and they really should have volunteered already.

FWIW I disagree that OP should have given further details. She could have if she was comfortable with it. Recovering from major surgery sounds like a good bland description.