Mil sharing private family news.

[Mapleissweet]

Dc3 was recently admitted to hospital with a chest infection. He is only little, so they kept him in for 36 hours to keep an eye on him and give him some oxygen.
My mil helped out by popping in and taking the dd and ds to school, which was a help so that dh could be with me at the hospital.
We didn't tell dc1 and 2 that dc3 was in hospital as we didn't want to worry them and we were unsure about what was happening
However, when taking dc to school mil has told people and the teaching staff that dc3 was in hospital. There was absolutely no need for mil to tell anyone, dc3 had only just been admitted, we hadn't told the other dc and it is our private family business. It's not that I don't necessarily want people to know, I just feel it is not her place to tell people at school who she barely knows. It is for me and dh to choose when and if to tell people.
I think mil revels in drama and particular medical stuff, which is fine if it is her or fil business, but not if it's mind.
Subsequently upon return we have had numerous teachers and people at school asking about it.
I'm obviously a little sensitive at the moment . I just don't think it's mil place to tell the tiger moms and teachers at school.
Aibu?

This is fascinating.

It would simply never have occurred to me that some people think going into hospital is private.

Purely on the logistics. When you're in hospital, you have to tell work why you're not going in. People ask where you've been, out of politeness and/ or concern. You have to arrange child care cover - how on earth do you keep all that private?

You learn something new all the time on MN.

For me it's because your health is a private matter isn't it?

Some things are private but a chest infection doesn't count as one of those things for me.

I feel the same, Basil. I have discovered that so many of my basic instinctive behaviours are potentially offensive- offering people lifts, taking in a neighbour's washing if it starts raining for two. And now I have to say "no comment" if I'm seen picking up a friend's child from school because somebody is in hospital. Although, as I don't have a dil, I think I might be safe.......

It always baffles me why when you go into hospital everyone wants to visit you too. Another reason for not telling anyone.

Your health is a private matter- I wouldn't tell all and sundry about somebody's operation for piles- but being in hospital isn't.

Are you saying that you're not allowed to tell another person that a friend is poorly? You can't say "i'm after sparking's kids today because she's not very well"?

Curlew don't worry there are plenty if people who find those things kind and considerate. I don't bother worrying about offending anyone anymore, I know I'm nice and if others don't know it then tough luck for them!

Yelling her own friends wouldn't bother me I'd say that's offloading but telling randoms in the school is ott yes and it does cause gossip.

I just don't see the need to explain why you are taking the children to school at all.

My experiences may be because the DC went to a First School with 55 pupils in total with a bunch of very nosy, gossipy parents. If they didn't know-they would make it up.

People rarely go to hospital for reasons not to do with health

and then you have questions to answer.

Some things are private but a chest infection doesn't count as one of those things for me.

OP didnt know it was a chest infection at that point and was just worried as she didnt know what was wrong

Honestly who on earth gossips about a sick baby?? How do you even do that?

You speculate over it Cailin and show pretend concern.

Ok then I don't count having respiratory problems as private.

My primary school gate is very friendly and very supportive. When a family has a bit of a crisis - like a child or parent in hospital - people are interested...and concerned...and helpful. They offer to do things to make that family's life easier.

I realise that to quite a few people on this thread this is repellently intrusive but personally I rather prefer living in a community rather than a group of neurotically private individuals.

It's called friendship.

It's ok now. DS2 cycles to school and DS1 gets the school bus. We can go in and out of hospital as we please.

Speculate?About a baby's chest infection? Are people's lives really that dull?

Cailin, we are apparently all supposed to be atomised individuals, locked into our nuclear family units and shunning any contact at the school gate.

It is a picture that horrifies me, personally.

I agree with everyone, and OP herself, that she was b rather u in expecting MIL to know her place and keep quiet.

However I can sort of imagine a scenario where, when you're knackered after a few days worry over a child, if it was the case that someone had been going about going 'ooh yes, their littlest is in the hospital you know, it's touch and go apparently, yes, very worrying' and so on and on, which I know is the way some people do go on, it might really not be what you need or want.

Sparkling do you find people hard to deal with in general?

And I'm really just doing a Benefit of the Doubt by saying that if that is the way it's been discussed it might not be quite what one would be in the mood for when tired and stressed, not saying that because she is a MIL that's how it would have been!

I think that most parents at the school gates would be concerned about a sick child,not gossiping about it.

What a warped view some mnetters have of other people.

I do think it's odd not to want anyone told, definitely.

No not at all Cailin, but I don't like all and sundry knowing my business. But as I say I don't think my school gates experience was a normal one due to the size of the school and the gossipy nature of some of the parents.

some people are more open than others, they just have different norms! If you didn't ask her to keep it quiet then she probably just did what was normal for her.
Give the woman a break, she was probably worried about her grandson