Mil sharing private family news.

[Mapleissweet]

Dc3 was recently admitted to hospital with a chest infection. He is only little, so they kept him in for 36 hours to keep an eye on him and give him some oxygen.
My mil helped out by popping in and taking the dd and ds to school, which was a help so that dh could be with me at the hospital.
We didn't tell dc1 and 2 that dc3 was in hospital as we didn't want to worry them and we were unsure about what was happening
However, when taking dc to school mil has told people and the teaching staff that dc3 was in hospital. There was absolutely no need for mil to tell anyone, dc3 had only just been admitted, we hadn't told the other dc and it is our private family business. It's not that I don't necessarily want people to know, I just feel it is not her place to tell people at school who she barely knows. It is for me and dh to choose when and if to tell people.
I think mil revels in drama and particular medical stuff, which is fine if it is her or fil business, but not if it's mind.
Subsequently upon return we have had numerous teachers and people at school asking about it.
I'm obviously a little sensitive at the moment . I just don't think it's mil place to tell the tiger moms and teachers at school.
Aibu?

I honestly can not see what she has done wrong.

When DS2 was admitted to hospital as a baby, (quite frequently) on one occasion a friend of mine saw DH coming in with DS1 early in the morning so I could have a bit of a break. She immediately took DS1 back with her, took him to pre-school, told the teachers and some other people why she had DS2.

I could not have cared less, I was just so grateful for someone to help me out. My MIL and my mother couldn't give a flying f**k you see!

"it just didn't cross his mind that she would need or want to tell anyone."

Why not?

That's odd to me.

I think you were Understandably Unreasonable and your Mil was Understandably Insensitive.

It must have bee so worrying for all the adults, do hope DC3 is fully recovered now.

As others have said, a child being in hospital isn't a secret in these circumstances. The other two children should be told where their parents and sibling are, otherwise they will end up confused and worried.

It's prefectly normal for the mil to tell the teachers/other parents the reason why she is doing the school run.

Since the other kids didn't know she ought to have kept her trap shut just in case it got back to them.

However 'private family business'? Seriously?

Some people are news spreaders, others aren't. If you're not one I can see how it would look like attention seeking, and unnecessary exposure of something upsetting. But if you are one you know it's not that, that it comes partly from a love of talking and sharing emotions - good and bad - and from a sort of need to voice things in order to handle them and think them through, as well as an understanding that sharing knowledge can be helpful. So if she's feeling worried about your son (as she would have been) than speaking about it with people would be her way of staying calm and coping with it.

Cut her some slack and remember she loves your son too. :)

the teachers would have asked her who she was if she hadn't picked up before, had you phoned to say you weren't pikin up?

in this case your mil would have had to explain or they wouldn't have let her pick them up.

really glad your son is ok but frankly you sound very precious and mil sounds completely normal.

most families have kids hospitalised at some stage.

she sounds like she helped you out. have you brought her a thank you gift??

Surely thes hook would want to know that someone d

Oh FFS!!

Surely the school would want to know that someone different was picking the kids up? I think yabu, I fail to see why it's a secret, you're only going to get sympathy.

The OP has said the grandmother has dropped the kids off before so the school will know her.
I can understand where you are coming from OP there was no need for her to share the info she just wanted to get in first and tell people to revel I. H drama such news creates.

IN THE

When I nearly died my mum looked after my kids while my husband sat at my bedside willing me to get better. My mum told anyone who would listen what was wrong with me and you know what I didn't care! It wasn't a secret and people were really concerned about me. It sounds like you are trying to pick a fight with your mother in law who has done you a huge favour looking after your other kids! Do you not like her or something because that's the way it's coming across. Give her a break she was clearly concerned about her grandchild. If you want something kept a secret either tell people that or don't tell them!

I'd probably have done the same as your MiL...

Mil seems to pass on news to anyone who will listen. She is nice, but doesn't understand that I don't always want to share news. She told about 10 people in the space of 20 mins. People she doesn't really know. Just moms at the school gate, neighbours down the road and 2 teachers at school. It is just too much for me. I prefer to be on top of things before I share things as I'm not big on interference however well intended from people I just see at the school gate or on the way to school.
I know iabu, but it's just the way dh and I are.

If I tell her something relatively minor. She will tell people and make it out to be a drama. I just don't like living under that level of attention. It feels unnecessary.

I understand how you feel maple and would probably be pissed off in your situation. However I agree that seeing as you know she has form for this and you didn't tell her not to tell people it was a bit unreasonable to be annoyed.

I'd just make sure to specifically tell her in the future when you don't want her to tell people things. To you it is obvious but to her it isn't and now you know that you can just make sure to spell it out for her.

YA still BU, if you knew she was like this then you should have told her to keep it to herself, or asked for someone else's help. Sorry.

well get your point but we are all different.

does your mil know how you really feel?

maybe you need to be absolutely clear what you consider secret and what you don't.

in this particular op you didn't stipulate secrecy and think your mil was probably just worried/concerned. some people need to vent in a crisis but others don't.

this doesn't make her a drama queen anymore than you really if just means you are different.

You are feeling sensitive right now and especially with it being your mil.

If she hadn't told anyone you may turn up at school wondering why nobody knows and feeling upset by this .

Your other dcs will know more than you think, be honest with them!

I didn't ask her to kept it quiet because I was at the hospital and didn't see her. Dh was busy collecting things to take to hospital when he saw her and his mind was elsewhere.
I know iabu though.

YABU, really you are.

Poor mil. I honestly don't know why you think she should have kept it a secret.

The dc were told when my dh collected them from school later that day. I didn't think there was any harm in waiting to explain until later in the day after school when things had calmed down.

Telling the teacher is one thing, although this wasn't necessary but I accept iabu there. Dh may have mentioned it on pick up.
But she told neighbours dins the street who we only really say hello too and numerous moms at school.