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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil sharing private family news.

235 replies

Mapleissweet · 26/11/2013 15:58

Dc3 was recently admitted to hospital with a chest infection. He is only little, so they kept him in for 36 hours to keep an eye on him and give him some oxygen.
My mil helped out by popping in and taking the dd and ds to school, which was a help so that dh could be with me at the hospital.
We didn't tell dc1 and 2 that dc3 was in hospital as we didn't want to worry them and we were unsure about what was happening
However, when taking dc to school mil has told people and the teaching staff that dc3 was in hospital. There was absolutely no need for mil to tell anyone, dc3 had only just been admitted, we hadn't told the other dc and it is our private family business. It's not that I don't necessarily want people to know, I just feel it is not her place to tell people at school who she barely knows. It is for me and dh to choose when and if to tell people.
I think mil revels in drama and particular medical stuff, which is fine if it is her or fil business, but not if it's mind.
Subsequently upon return we have had numerous teachers and people at school asking about it.
I'm obviously a little sensitive at the moment . I just don't think it's mil place to tell the tiger moms and teachers at school.
Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mapleissweet · 26/11/2013 16:36

Ok I accept Aibu this time. Thanks all. I was well and truly told.
Dc3 is fine. He was home yesterday and settled.

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 26/11/2013 16:36

Why should she have held back in this instance? You sound utterly precious and completely self-important.

NewtRipley · 26/11/2013 16:36

OTOh, you know her, so maybe she makes more of a song and dance than is necessary. But you know this, so maybe you need to spell things out to her.

Topseyt · 26/11/2013 16:37

I really do hope your son is improving now.

I am guessing you are rather stressed at the moment, but I think you are being very over-sensitive here.

Why the big secret? Your MIL helped you out when you needed it most, but she is not psychic. Why would she NOT share what information she has? The change in your other children's routine that morning was obvious to all and sundry at the school gates so someone very likely made an innocent comment to her about it. She replied truthfully, not knowing that you considered the matter top secret.

I don't see the problem with her having told what was going on as far as she knew it. I would have unless already TOLD otherwise.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 26/11/2013 16:37

YABU and quite weird about it.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/11/2013 16:38

Mapleissweet - how was she supposed to know you didn't want anyone else to know about the baby being in hospital? Does she have a crystal ball?

ElenorRigby · 26/11/2013 16:38

Good greid OP your MIL sounds like my mum and brother! They feed off drama Hmm

tracypenisbeaker · 26/11/2013 16:39

Next time just warn her that you don't want her telling other people your business- if you know she has a gob on her (which you do, re your pregnancy news) then you have really just set her up to fail to be honest.

Anyway, I hope your son gets better soon. That's the important thing, right? Flowers

Financeprincess · 26/11/2013 16:39

I can't see why she should have thought the information was classified either. Maybe you could try to relax a bit about what you consider private family news? When I was much younger my mum, god bless her, told all her friends plus the assistant at Boots that I had thrush! I didn't bother getting upset about it; what would be the point?

NewtRipley · 26/11/2013 16:39

Glad your child is OK now.

EldritchCleavage · 26/11/2013 16:39

OK, she's got form and is a bit drama-loving. I can see it it difficult, because you needed her but you knew she would blather on to people about it.

But no harm done, and what she did right (helping) was a lot more important than what she did wrong (blathering). Any chance your DH could speak to her about being a bit more discreet once the dust has settled?

UC · 26/11/2013 16:40

Didn't your other DCs ask why a) you weren't there in the morning, and nor was their sibling and b) why their grandmother had turned up? My DCs would find this odd in itself and want to know why! I would have thought that the school should know that today wasn't an ordinary day, and why - otherwise the other DCs may have had all sorts of questions that no-one could answer. Better to know your sibling is ill with an infection in hospital, rather than fearing your mum and sibling have gone off and may not come back - which they could have thought!

I find this thread really odd. She is their grandmother, she is family, she was explaining why she was suddenly there one morning taking the other DCs to school. Seems totally reasonable to me.

So I think YABU.

I can see why an 8 week pregnancy would be "private family news" that you wouldn't want her to broadcast, but I think perhaps your feelings over that incident have coloured your reaction to this one.

usualsuspect · 26/11/2013 16:41

It's hardly blathering on.

FestiveEdition · 26/11/2013 16:42

Did you ask her not to tell anyone? If you did, then you are being absolutely reasonable. If you didn't, she is behaving perfectly normally. I don't think a child being in hospital is "private family business" I do hope he's better now

this

Why would you not want school to know about something which could potentially affect the childrens behaviour? they may not have known their sibling was in hospital, but patently knew that neither he nor their parents were around.
I think your MIL behaved perfectly reasonably tbh.

Original poster
Mapleissweet · 26/11/2013 16:43

I think I wAs annoyed probably not because she told people necessarily, but that she does make a song and dance about everything. She is a drama queen and is of an age where medical drama is overplayed. For example telling her friends that dd suffers from migraines, because she had a bad headache once. Trivial stuff, but just unnecessary and ott and more for effect.
I didn't think I needed to tell her to keep my pregnancy quiet when I was 2 months, I just thought it was obvious, but then I get texts of congratulations from various wider family members she has told.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 26/11/2013 16:45

Or perhaps she was worried about her young grandson being ill enough to be in hospital? Perhaps SHE wanted to talk to someone about it because she was worried?

Sirzy · 26/11/2013 16:46

And you seem to expect people to have some sort of psychic powers - how can they know you want something keeping secret if you don't actually tell them?

Topseyt · 26/11/2013 16:47

Must admit, I am puzzled too as to what your other children must have made of neither of their parents nor the baby being there to take them to school that morning.

They must surely have noticed, and they will have asked MIL questions too. What on earth was she supposed to say?? I imagine they could even have been quite anxious about it, if they had no answers.

FestiveEdition · 26/11/2013 16:47

Maple .... I know it probably wasn't her finest moment, and she should not have shared that piece of news until you were ready, but unless you actually asked her not to tell anyone else then I expect she was just as pleased and proud as could be ..... and couldn't wait to tell me.
That is certainly how I felt about hearing my DGC were on the way.

It is hard when people who emote become family with people who are far more restrained, but usually neither side is trying to be difficult.

LadyBeagleEyes · 26/11/2013 16:48

So what did you tell your other children as to why you and their sibling wasn't there?
They're bound to have asked. Did you lie to them?

ThenSheSaid · 26/11/2013 16:49

Glad your DC is better now.

Fair play for admitting you were being a bit U. In future, you need to either keep things to yourself or tell her really clearly to keep things to herself if you tell her something you want keeping quiet.

I think the fact you can rely on her to help you out if you have a problem means you should give her a bit of leeway IYSWIM

FestiveEdition · 26/11/2013 16:49

"me" ?!?!?!? wtf
......." couldn't wait to tell people " (about the pregnancy)

campion · 26/11/2013 16:53

Do you often suddenly disappear with DC3?
If not, what were the other DCs told to explain you both vanishing? Surely that was more worrying to them than hearing that little brother's in hospital ( which was a bit of an event in our house!)

Your MiL annoys you, obviously. But she's also on hand and capable of scooping up her DgC at a moment's notice. Treasure her.

Original poster
Mapleissweet · 26/11/2013 16:55

My dh had returned home from hospital and mil cane round about 830 to take the dc to school. I was still at the hospital and had been since midnight. My sis was staying over as she was going away the next day on holiday.
The dc asked where I was and dh said I had taken ds to the doctors as he had a bad cold. They didn't really ask anymore. Dh didn't go into detail as he was obviously a bit tired and stressed from the night.
Mil took the dc to school, which she occasionally does. Dh didn't tell her to keep it private, it just didn't cross his mind that she would need or want to tell anyone. But she decided to tell the people she saw on the way to school, the teacher and the lady a few doors down on the way back. It's not a big secret I want to keep or anything like that, but it's not something I choose to shout around to anyone who will listen. Mil doesn't think like that and does revel in telling people news.
This time iabu and so will accept the majority.

OP posts:
Arabesque1 · 26/11/2013 16:58

It was a perfectly natural thing to do. It was probably the top thing on her mind and so she spoke about it. She was just a concerned grandmother. I think you're being a bit unreasonable, she's part of the family and there was something big going on.

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