To Not Know What To Do About Child Left In Car

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I came out of DCs school this morning and noticed a child was in a parked car on his own. He was about 2 yrs old and crying. I asked a couple of mums if they knew whose car it was with no success. I didn't have a phone with me but was thinking that if after 15 minutes the mum had not returned that I'd have to ask to borrow someone's phone to ring 999 or 101.

As I waited I noted the registration number and the child stopped crying. I think perhaps he may have been asleep when left and the crying I saw was the post-sleep cry that youngsters do. The mum arrived after about 10 minutes (so with the walk in to school was probably away c. 17 minutes assuming no chatting). I told her that her actions were unacceptable and she was very apologetic saying it was the first time and I think she was about to start saying that he is difficult on the way into school but I interrupted and said we have all had to manage difficult fractious toddlers on the school run but that leaving a child alone in a car is unacceptable and dangerous.

So, my questions are, what should I have done in that moment when I saw the child in the car, and do I do anything about it now? I appreciate that we all have difficult days, and that we all make poor choices on occasion (I am the first to admit I have made poor parenting choices).

Any thought are welcome.

why would someone call the police over a child left in a car for 15 minutes?

again, by all means keep an eye out, and if you suspect actual abandonment then yes, contact the authorities.

but if all signs point to harassed mum getting older sibling to school, then would you really call the police?

this is madness.

It was the mum's choice to leave her child and I absolutely defend her right to do so. There is nothing to suggest that she wasn't capable of making a perfectly reasonable decision based on the actual circumstances.

The OPs heart was not in the right place - it was in place where the main objective was to humiliate and upset the other mum. If it was in the right place, she would have kept an eye on the child if she felt it was necessary and then spoken to the other mum in a more gentle and less patronising fashion. All that was needed was "I'm glad you are back, I was keeping an eye on the baby as he has been crying and I hated to see him upset".

Bloody Hell, if you'd lectured me like that I'd have told you to fuck off in no uncertain terms.

But all the posters saying they would just keep an eye out etc - yes, that is the right thing to do but it's the mother's decision to leave the child alone in the first place that has led to the situation. And she should have known that one of the consequences of her actions would be that someone might notice the child, worry about him/her and stay by the car - and therefore perhaps be rather irritated that they had to do that rather than go about their own business!

No, I wouldn't lay into someone in these circumstances but that's more to do with disliking conflict. If someone laid into me for similar - well I would be upset but I would realise that was the risk I took.

So if I leave my 22 month old strapped in her car seat (which she cannot undo) in the car with child locks on the back doors, fast asleep and run in for a few mins and get dd1, that's neglect? In November?

As she's in the church car park, surrounded by about 100 other parents, I'll take the risk rather than wake her up and have the evening from hell. I wouldn't leave her on the main road and if I do park on the main road then I wake her and take her with me, but in the church car park, not a problem as far as I can see. But then I leave them in the petrol station and even outside the Tesco express so shoot me.

I can't see a problem at all, Gwendoline.

This is always the most bizarre subject on mumsnet. Silly name calling, deciding that op was trying to humiliate the mother etc (How on earth do you know what was going through her mind?) all because someone doesnt know what to do when they stumble across a child alone in a car.

So next time someone sees exactly that, they should walk away and assume that its a good parent as its November?

I dont think that there are murderers lurking around every corner etc but i still dont understand why you wouldnt just get the toddler up. Because it disturbs their nap? Its cold? So what!

Obviously if you can see the car and are surrounded by 100 other parents its not going to be the same problem as if the car is completely unattended in the road for any length of time.

To link it to someone else entirely jumping under a train is just plain ridiculous.

I used to leave my kids in the car whilst I nipped into the shop, they were in view and this was in the 80's. I then saw a news report of a mum doing the same and left her 2 toddlers safely locked in the car, car set on fire and nobody could get in to save the kids who were dead in minutes - I have never left kids in the car since even for a moment, I also wouldn't leave my dog in for any period of time. I don't even fill the car up if I have the children in unless there is another adult in the car because it is too much hassle (and dangerous on the forecourt) to drag them all out of the car and into the shop..

Right, the next time someone's nipping out to the shop 2 mins across the road while their child sleeps I expect all of you to say the mother made a judgement call and you defend her right to do so. I shall be checking names

I can see why you would be upset by this and feel the need to day something but at the same time this woman could be going through anything right now or maybe thought that since child was sleeping and it's freezing outside he would've been better off in the car.
If you felt the need to do/say anything you could've just kindly said to her something along the lines of "oh I was just trying to cheer your baby up while you were gone he seemed upset"- something that was enough to think twice about doing it again but not harsh enough to upset her on a potentially bad day

OP doesn't know why the mother decided to leave the ds in the car this once as she didn't stop to listen to what she was being told. She interrupted to give her lecture. Child may have had chicken pox (mumsnet advice not to do the school run). A friend may have been watching from the corner of the road. OP doesn't know because she didn't take time to listen.

Who decided that she gave the woman a lecture?

I've only seen one person on here mention how the poor bloody child might feel. Sure, there's risks such as theft, fire, escape etc. but for me the far biggest risk is a toddler who wakes up alone and frightened as to where mummy has gone. Ten minutes of crying is a bloody lifetime for a two year old.

Toddlers often cry for ten minutes.

What a crock.

I'm sure the "poor bloody child" was thrilled by the OP shouting at its mother FFS.

Toddlers often cry for ten minutes. They do yes, but would likely be more upset when visibly alone than at home where they are aware their parents are in another room.

She shouted? And when did that fact arise?

I did not shout at the mum but if that suits you, you believe that.
I didn't really plan what I was going to say. To be honest I didn't know myself that I was going to say anything until I did and I know I handled it badly.

I hung around to wait because I was worried about the boy. I didn't how long his carer would be. I thought it was for the best. I had in the back of my mind that it would be awful if I left and he ended up there for hours (because I didn't know he was the child of a school mum).

She didn't seem upset/depressed (admittedly you can't tell what is going on in someone's life). She was chatting in quite an animated lighthearted way on the phone when she came back and looked like she was content again at pick up. She may well have spent the 6.5 intervening hours in floods of tears.

At pick up, the child was in the car though, a 7 minute walk away. Don't worry, I kept my sanctimonious nose out of it.

I would never leave my child in the car, locked or unlocked. If someone can break into a car to steal peoples sound systems, mobile phones, wallets then some paedophile walking down the street can do the same!

didn't 'know' how long...

If the child can undo the seatbelt then it shouldn't be left.

If it's a hot day the child shouldn't be left.

Otherwise - if we're talking about 15 minutes or so it's not great, but neither is it neither dangerous or abusive

no harm in keeping an eye out if the parents are nowhere to be seen but FFS she was away from the car for a short while dropping another child at school. I assume the child was strapped in a car seat & not about to drive the car away.

I'd be grateful if someone kept an eye on my child but pissed off at the lecture that followed.

Thank fuck she wasn't remotely bothered by you.

My dad once left me alone in the car while he popped into a friends house to deliver something, on getting to the door he had forgotten I was there and when invited in for a cup of tea he accepted, I was in the car for 3 hours . I wasn't a baby though I was 4 years old but I was still scared.
People do forget about babies. Espicially people who don't always care for them. It was very nice of OP to check the child was ok, and maybe she didn't deal with the mother appropriately but IMO better than ignoring the child!
And also I can't believe so many people would leave children unattended in cars. I won't even ?leave mine in the car outside my house on my drive..... Never would cross my mind that this would be acceptable, but I wouldn't tell a stranger off tbh w