To Not Know What To Do About Child Left In Car

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I came out of DCs school this morning and noticed a child was in a parked car on his own. He was about 2 yrs old and crying. I asked a couple of mums if they knew whose car it was with no success. I didn't have a phone with me but was thinking that if after 15 minutes the mum had not returned that I'd have to ask to borrow someone's phone to ring 999 or 101.

As I waited I noted the registration number and the child stopped crying. I think perhaps he may have been asleep when left and the crying I saw was the post-sleep cry that youngsters do. The mum arrived after about 10 minutes (so with the walk in to school was probably away c. 17 minutes assuming no chatting). I told her that her actions were unacceptable and she was very apologetic saying it was the first time and I think she was about to start saying that he is difficult on the way into school but I interrupted and said we have all had to manage difficult fractious toddlers on the school run but that leaving a child alone in a car is unacceptable and dangerous.

So, my questions are, what should I have done in that moment when I saw the child in the car, and do I do anything about it now? I appreciate that we all have difficult days, and that we all make poor choices on occasion (I am the first to admit I have made poor parenting choices).

Any thought are welcome.

That police officer forgot THERE COULD BE A BEE!!!!!!

oh for fucks sake is this still going on?

The OP was rude. Very very rude. I dont care if the parent was "in a bad place" or walking down the street singing.

THE CHILD WAS NOT LEFT FOR 17 HOURS.

I know that there might have been a sudden increase in temperature to 100 degrees in those 17 minutes. Or any other number of disasters that apparently happen every time your child is out of your sight. God only knows how my children have survived, what with all the bees and the other things that could happen to them if I leave them at home like frying chips or running a bath

but somehow in those 17 minutes the child was fine. Just fine.

the OP probably made the parent feel like shit, but I am guessing that was her intention so thats all good then.

No need to wrestle a toddler across busy roads - stick it in a pram like you would do the rest of the time. Great inventions, are prams.

MerryMarigold

Yeah, the thread really kicked off big time as some (inc me) were a little bit sarcastic to the police-callers who were all saying, "But the child might DIE."

Of hyenas.

I left my younger 3 in the car once while I ran into the playground to grab dc1. I got back to find DC2 sat on the car roof and dcs 3 and 4 jumping up and down on the seat. God, I cringe even now thinking about it 8 years later.

The little darlings....

I couldn't walk past without saying something either, OP.

You did the right thing.

Children should never be left alone in a car. It is not a safe environment. It is neglect.

I'm shocked at some of the responses on this thread. How is it ever acceptable to leave a toddler in a car on their own?

Neglect? Really?

PLease can someone explain:

how leaving a toddler strapped into a seat they cannot undo, in a locked car which has never spontaneously combusted, is in a safe area (so willnot be stolen), parked away from moving traffic (so will not be crashed into) is not a safe environment? (talking about my toddler, in my car in that example, btw, not the car in the OP).

Becasue I don't get it.

All these 'what if?' scenarios - do you really think all these catastrophes are going to happen at any given moment?

as I said in my earlier post: sometiems there is no right answer, just a least wrong one.

thank you for caring about the child in the car

Who thinks things like this? Don't you think it may be slightly odd that a random stranger is thanking another random stranger for caring about an unknown child?

FFS.

Sorry but this is absurd.

It was 17 minutes, apparently. The car did not get stolen, the mother did not get abducted by aliens, clearly the child was too young to get out of the car.

I didn't post on the other threads but I thought it was amazing that the OP was told to call the police over a child sleeping in a car because apparently the parents might have forgotten him/her. The actual police. 999.

DS1 could get himself out of car seats from that age - it's not outwith the realms of possibility, and they even sell gadgets to make it harder for children to escape from their car seats.

Locked car doors can be opened from the inside - as the mum whose DCs escaped from her car in the supermarket car park I was in one day. One child was almost run over by a car reversing, but fortunately another shopper was able to stop the car and security was called to round up the other 2 children from the car park.

Parked cars are hit all the time by moving cars across the UK.

These 'what if' scenarios can and do happen.

We do need to do something about this kind of thing. I think the correct response to a stranger abusing you in the street like the OP did is to call the police and have them questioned/arrested.

Those people who can't stop themselves interfering in other people's business will eventually get an ASBO and be forced to stop.

I am assuming (given that the majority of parents are good ones, not neglectful ones) that the mother in question might know if her child can get out of the seat or not. And perhaps have such a device if necessary (none of mine could undo their seats at 2. one of mine can now undo a seat belt and is unsafe - due ot learning difficulties - and has an extra strap to help keep her safe).

locked doors cannot always be opened form inside. child locks do exist. again, I assume the mother in question may well have taken this into account.

the parking issue I explained was my car, in the place I park it. It would not be hit by a car moving at any more than 2mph in the time I was away (and not even that, to be fair).

so, tell me again. what exactly is the problem?

I said in my first post that I may well have waited to ensure the child was ok, and not getting too distressed.

but the rest of the judgy sanctimonious crap? it's all so ridiculously over the top.

People get run over crossing the road
Moving vehicles with an adult in them are in accidents
My ds broke his leg playing football
People fall down stairs
Children are injured at school
Children are injured at parties
Power cuts and house fires happen in houses with adults present
People get struck by lightning
People get stung by bees
People have allergic reactions to food.
People get injured at work

all these scenarios happen. As grown up, responsible people we choose to carry on our daily lives regardless.
We parent our children in the way we feel is appropriate. Whether random person on the street agrees is actually irelevant.

Bloody hell, some of you would spontaneously combust if you saw what goes on in my house.
DS2 (10) will be riding his bike home from school tonight after football training and letting himself into an empty house

Do i care if anyone disagrees with that? Not even a teeny tiny bit.

I didn't know mine child could undo it - until the first time he did it....

Child locks don't stop the front passenger doors being unlocked from the inside.

A stationary car can be hit at a car doing far more than 2mph where you park your car. Unless you are the woman in question you have no way of knowing how fast another car might be travelling.

If you think it's all judgy and sanctimonious then perhaps you might contact Rospa et al and point out that there advice is incorrect?

their not there

My DF once thought it was ok to leave us locked in the car while he parked outside the butchers and nipped in. He could see through the window to the car. He wasn't close enough to stop me get myself (age 3) out of the carseat, as well as DSis (1), and then climb out of the car into the high street. We were fine, but he didn't do it again and I avoid ever leaving my kids in the car. I even go to pay at the pump petrol stations. I am pretty relaxed as a parent and am shocked by how many people think it is ok.

In my opinion, the woman was wrong, but I don't think I would have waited to tell off someone else about their decision. But I usually avoid confrontation as I am so bad at it.

It's not neglect to leave your child in a playpen while you go and have a shower, is it?

This Is Not A Big Deal. The child wasn't left tied up to a lampost in the pouring rain while their parent was in the pub. They were secured in a locked car. Yes, they were crying but it's not the end of the world. I can assure you my toddler would be much more distressed at being forced into a pushchair than he would be by being left in the car for just over 15 minutes while I was attending to his older sibling. Seems like such a massive over reaction to such a non thing.

I agree with the OP and think some of the reactions on here are truly shocking.

So if thats the case, if its very simply "some people think its right, some people think its wrong, its the mothers choice" then the OP had no right to shout at the mother and stop her from speaking did she?

That was an over reaction.

BUt, SirChenjin, you are assuming so many things, and all of them negative.

I would not hve left any of mine in the car if there was any chance at all of them being able to undo their seats and exit the car. but there isn't. at all. if ds did by some miracle manage to undo his straps (and I know he doesn't have the finger strength to manage it), he cannot get into the front seats, so the door example is invalid for me. maybe it was for the mum in question too.

there has yet to be any answer on the thread, as far as I can see, as to what to do if actually taking the child out of the car may leave you all being more unsafe than leaving the child in the car. back to the 'no right answer' bit that everyone seems to be ignoring.

it is not so much the keeping the eye on the toddler int he OP that is objectionable. but the 'oh, and she tried to answer me, but I cut her off and told her in no uncertain terms it is absolutely wrong and should never be done again' that is disgusting.

no one, not even the OP (since she wouldn't engage with the woman in question, just lectured her) knows the ins and outs of it.

maybe, jsut like me, she is ledt with a Hobson's choice, and leaving the toddler is safer than taking him out, for a variety of reasons.

the high dramatics are jsut OTT. nothing wrong with keeping an eye out. everything wrong with being so damn blinkered that even considering another pov is impossible.

I don't think anyone should ignore a small child, crying, alone in a car with no parent in sight. As a passer by, you just don't know how long the child has been there or what has happened to the parents of the child. So I very much disagree with anyone saying the OP should have kept her nose out.

OK, the other mother didn't ask for a lecture on her parenting but it was her own actions that put the OP in an awkward position in the first place. She took the risk that her child would wake up (yes), be upset (yes) and someone would tackle her about it (yes, and I bet the police would have been harsher on her if someone had called them)

PerpendicularVince, It's not a one off you see. There seem to be a lot of these lately. People wandering the streets telling off strangers. People telling their neighbours they can't open their front door at 9pm because they are disturbed by it. People lying in wait outside toilets and so on.

What they have in common is: "AIBU to make a scene in public because I have a different opinion to someone"

Best if it is discouraged really or we'll have to carry a stick to beat them off with.

It was terrible of that mother to leave her baby in the car. What if she'd been run over/stabbed/mugged while on her way back to the car imagine how much better it would've been if the baby was with her while she was being run over/stabbed/mugged. Oh, hang on....